Bipolar Check-in #81

I was really disappointed with temporary therapist today. I went in with severe anxiety and she didn't help much. She spent a lot of the session asking questions she asked last week. I am still very anxious and did not sleep well last night either. I don't see her for 3 weeks now. She's on vacation and then a scheduling glitch caused a missed week. I can call and get an appointment if I need to for the 2nd week but I'm not sure if there is a point. I so wish I'd tried harder to get in with my therapist's first choice sub. But I didn't and so I just have to make it through. 5 more weeks. Only one more session with temporary therapist unless something changes.


I don't know if I didn't follow her if she tried to help with the anxiety or if she knows my therapist helps by distracting me sometimes or what but this just didn't help.

I am going to contact my pdoc. I was supposed to every few weeks anyway while I don't have my therapist plus she said she'd be there for support if needed. And I think I may need some kind of med adjustment although I'm not sure. I feel somewhat depressed but I'm also tired from not sleeping well. I hope she's got a good idea.

So frustrated.......

@raspberrytorte you’re a gem and thanks for your reply. I’m sorry to hear about your story at work. I’m glad you got SSI. I’m not sure I qualify. We’re new to mortgage and need my income. I’m not sure what’s wrong with the kids at my school and why they behave the way they do. Yes, they are shyts. Complete arses actually, for lack of a better word.

Leaving in 10 minutes to see my pdoc. Have to tell him how depressed I really am and hate talking about it.

Waiting outside my pdoc. Traffic was kind to me. Got here 50 minutes early. Worried if I tell him how I REALLY feel he’ll suggest hospital. No thanks there’s no one to look after my 5 year old son. My partner leaves for work at 5:00am and gets back at 6:30pm.

Wind is positively howling. Was intense driving on the freeway blowing back and forth.

I hope it goes well @Crazy Hitch

Thanks @BeyondtheRainbow! You’re so kind 😊

Just want to say what an inspiration you are to me @Blue_Bird

I hope all goes well today @Crazy Hitch

An amazing, productive day. Just feeling really good and thankful for all that I have. Joined Meetup.com today and got together with this Star Trek group that I met at GalaxyCon last month. Signed up for some events in September, should be fun. Going to try and see Alien: Romulus with them too. FUN FUN FUN!!

Oo shadow how fun! I belonged to a Star Trek group when I lived in the twin cities. It was a great group of people.

I think my highlight of the day was my chiropractor appointment. School was pretty good too. Just one discipline issue between two students who have already had issues once this school year (we're only 3 weeks into the year). It sounds like they know each other well and are constantly bothering each other.

I had some depression and anxiety symptoms today. As much as I try to avoid bringing work home, it happens as a teacher, so I did some grading this evening to help me feel less overwhelmed. Now, I'm going to read for a little bit before heading to bed.

Tomorrow will be busy. I have to cover for a coworker's class and have after school detention coverage. Fingers crossed no student gets a detention so I don't have to stay!

I took my dog out and she ran and ran, she's doing so well for an eleven-year-old dog, and i took a shower, so it's been a relatively good day. I'm having a nice evening. I've lit seven tea candles, one for each member of my family. They are all burning brightly. I used to do this often but i stopped when my sister died two years ago at this time of year. Guess i am finally healed from that! I'm listening to mood music, Dan Gibson's "Solitudes."

When i talk about my depression i always hear the same thing: "Ma'am, this is a Wendy's drive-thru!"

@Blue_Bird:

Glad going out of your comfort zone with calling the bingo went well and that you're optimistic about the future.

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Sorry to hear your meeting with your temporary therapist was a disappointment.

@LadyShadow:

Glad to hear things are going well and that you've made contact with a meetup group that shares your interests and are looking forward to a fun event with them.

@Crazy Hitch:

Congratulations on making it to your appointment despite bad weather. It's so hard to get anything done while not feeling well. Hope it goes well.

Pdoc has put me on lithium and Effexor. I’ll continue with Abilify. Love my pdoc. If this doesn’t work he wants me to go for ect in hospital! Let’s hope lithium works its magic.

Thanks @LadyShadow. Just at my gp for an appointment now. Read above regarding psychiatrist and med changes. Holding thumbs this does the trick.

Thank you @LadyShadow that means a lot to me

Thanks @JaneOnceMore ! The candles sound nice and peaceful. I’m glad you had a good walk with your dog

Sorry you’re struggling :sadhug; I hope your pdoc is able to help. I know how disappointing it can be going into a therapy appointment struggling and it not helping

Good luck with the new meds! Hope all goes well

Glad your chiropractor appointment went well and that school went well too! Reading before bed is always nice and relaxing. That’s what I did too last night. Good for you for taking care of yourself

Good morning, it’s 4.30am here right now. I’m up for the day. I have an apartment inspection today. Those always stress me out even though they always go fine. I just don’t like having random people in my apartment, it makes me anxious.

I’m just enjoying some coffee and music right now before I clean up the apartment some. It’s mostly fine but I have a few small things to do. Other than that I think at 6:30am I’m gonna get on the treadmill then do yoga and my other exercises, weights and squats and yoga.

If the inspection happens early in the day then after it I’m gonna take a walk outside too. They said between 9am and 4pm which is a ridiculously long time range so I have no idea when they’re coming.

I plan on getting a lot of reading done while I wait for the inspection. After they’re done I’m gonna practice violin.

Today I feel numb after the breakdown yesterday. I don't know if I wrote well enough, so that people understood that it was a breakdown.


Am going to try to rest at my sofa under a warm blanket. I don't know what to do about all this, but I do know that I need to sleep now.

Sending good thoughts to all who struggle!

(Remember that mornings start earlier here in Europe than in the USA, 6 or 9 hours depending on where you live.).

Still numb! Too many worries broke me down. I collapsed yesterday. Have no other choices, now, then to be in the here and now with God. He has given me the strength to fix my weekly planner, so there are available time for both the "Sun lamp", for prayers, for recovery work, physical and mental training, for my daily walk and for time to use my massage apparatus on hurtful body parts.

Most of this was already on my plan together with Work, Study, Rest, Amusement and more. The order of the days had to be changed to make place for the "Sun-lamp", the Recovery group and the Massage apparatus (cannot afford physiotherapy). It felt impossible yesterday, but now it is done with the help of God.


I really recommend planning your days in a way that takes care of your needs and of your plights, so that your days may be balanced. You can do that, either you believe in God or not.


Maybe that I have posted links about routines and Mental disorders before. Here is a new one meant for people with Bipolar Disorder only (15 small pages, easy to read in your own tempo one step at the time) :
https://www.healthcentral.com/slides...t-with-bipolar

Sorry for those feeling depressed. Sometimes a med adjustment is what you need. I had suicidal ideations multiple times a day in the spring (I'm talking 20-30 a day, it was horrible) and begged the pdoc for a med adjustment before having to go IP. The pdoc added Cymbalta 30 mg to my meds, and OMG, those thoughts went away within a week! I have always responded well to Cymbalta though, and I'm sure it's different for everyone. I hope those of you with bad depression can contact your pdocs (HUGS)

I am still in the middle (yay!). Just around the 6 week mark being stable. This is often the point where I slip into depression, so I'm praying I stay here moodwise & sleepwise.

This morning I went for a walk/jog. Probably jogged a bit too much, but it was feeling good this morning. I hope to have a pretty relaxed day. I've been reading a TON lately, and it feels so good after having a spate of years (close to 4 or 5 years) where I couldn't concentrate to read for pleasure at all. I'm loving it.

I hope everyone has a great day!

@Blue Bird those long time ranges drive me crazy. Like with repair people or delivery guys its always a 6 hour time range so someone can't ever really go out and do anything.