Bipolar Check-in #81

Yes it does and usuallt this cat Murphy doesnt lay with us but he layed right by me for hours

I just looked at my credit card balance online! Omg. It started out with eating out all the time but then I had to pay $55 for the lidocaine maalox mouth salve and then I bought the biotene toothpaste which I need and welp I’ll be paying this bill off for a few months! I’ll have to cut down on spending. Thing is I used to be fine! It’s just this evil mania that got away with me. At the time before I knew it was the toothpaste/dry mouth hurting my mouth so bad I felt I had no choice but to buy the mouth liquid at the place that doesn’t take insurance. I’ll be paying this off over several months. My vet credit card has a balance too but it’s got reasonable payments that I can make over in time. I just know my credit score has taken a hit because I’m over the one third mark of my limit. And to top it off I need gas but I hope I can hold out till I get my money again in a few days. I always like to fill up at half a tank but I’m just below that now.

Tomorrow is church with N3 playing the prelude on the piano and he and his dad singing their duet. They’ve been practicing so it should sound spectacular! I hope the recording comes out good. I’m going to sit up front and use my iPad to record it too just because but I really want a copy of the recording the other choir member is making. I can’t tell you how excited I am to go hear them and get a recording! N3 is picking me up on the way to church so we only have to find one parking spot

I read the side effects of Risperdal on the link at the meds board here and now I’m scared! Too many and TD is one of them! So many bad side effects- including death! And I was just trying to look up breast milk production which I had last time I was on it!

My Chicago friend wants to get together soon as it’s been almost 3 months since our trip when we last saw each other. We are talking about going to Big Chuck’s for pizza! They have the best pizza. We’ve only been there once and it was so good!

I could call my treatment people. Typically I call my CM and either she or someone she works with calls back 15 minutes later. I tried talking to 988 last night but the gal I talked to wasn't helpful at all. I'm okay right now though. I think calling is stupid because it's always "what could you do to calm down/distract yourself?" and I can ask myself that. It's when the entire day is distractions and any time my mind and body isn't preoccupied for five minutes I call and say "I've tried going for a walk, working on photography, writing, listening to/practicing music, cleaning, reading, 4-7-8 breathing, a quick workout, looking at trail maps, and cooking. I don't want to shower because if I'm in the bathroom naked I'm going to feel disgusting and SH." Showering is always their go-to.

Duet sounds like it's going to be wonderful!

Don't worry about the Risperdal side effects. Looking at the side effects of any medication tends to freak people out. Truth is some people get none, some people get mild ones that are tolerable, some people get many that aren't dangerous but make the med not worth it, and some can get dangerous reactions. The dangerous reactions are pretty rare--if they weren't, the med wouldn't have been approved. The TD concern is valid for sure, but you can always stop it if any EPS shows up/gets worse.

Wow, Galaxy Con was so amazing. I met so many people and got to do so many things, but man was it EXHAUSTING! LOL. I even walked over to the Marriot attached to the Convention Center to join a local Star Trek group, (because I met one of their officers at an open panel discussion group called "Ten Forward" which was so much fun), and there was so much more people over there! It was great because I got to sit down in the Marriot restaurant in a quiet place and actually enjoy lunch, people were sitting down on the floor at the convention and eating because there was no where to sit! UGH!!

It was a really good time though, and even though I went by myself it was really a fun adventure that I am going to remember for a lifetime, also getting to meet William Shatner, he was so nice!!! Wil Wheaton's panel was so good too, I had no idea how much he suffered with mental health issues when he was a kid and how much his parents never helped him. So sad, but such an inspiring story! He had so many wonderful things to say, and is really into Dungeons and Dragons which is really cool - oh yeah I got to learn Klingon too! The Klingon language class I took was so much fun!

Today is another busy day - about to go to an AA meeting and talk about how I ate at the Marriot bar, and it didn't even phase me, lol. Then going to the gym and gonna rush home and shower and dress for a big music festival here in town called "Down East" my friend that works at a radio station in Raliegh is driving down with some tickets, and I'll get to hang out in her booth, should be fun.

Hope you guys have had a fabulous weekend so far, I really enjoyed myself!

I feel you with the overspending! Every time I get mania and hypomania I get bad about it. My credit card bill is going to be astronomical this month especially since I had to pay for new contact lenses and have a vet bill too. Plus, all the crap I bought off Amazon though at least most of it was cat stuff and things like deodorant and Sensodyne toothpaste.

@LadyShadow
I'm glad you had a great time at Galaxy Con and were able to enjoy time by yourself. I love the pictures

As for me, first time I initiated intimacy in a LONG time! Some effects of hypomania are not that bad especially if you have a spouse or SO around

That's so awesom @LadyShadow ! That looks like a lot of fun, glad you enjoyed yourself

Yeah, I see them but when I put it in a spot I want it to go it doesn't do it. But it says no icon and it won't take that off. I think that might be the problem.

I didn't go to sleep last night, but I did take a 3 hour nap this morning thankfully, better than nothing. I have a busy week coming up. Volunteering at my volunteer job with the rescue cats, grocery shopping, therapy appointment, adult coloring night at the library, and going to the movie theater to see the third Deadpool movie. Should be a good week!

I'm just enjoying the weekend right now. Gonna clean some and get on the treadmill later. And spend a lot of time reading probably as well. I'm feeling pretty good today. Hoping I don't have a panic attack/dissociation today. Also hope I don't have that during the week either because I have a busy week and really don't want to be dissociating and panicking and having to cancel things. Trying to not worry though, just stay in the present moment and keep busy.

Some good progress is:



So I'm happy about that, I've been tempted to use it multiple times, but my psychiatrist is right, it was a smart decision to stop. I was only doing it for a couple months but it destabilized me very fast. Now I'm happy to enjoy life without chasing highs that are detrimental to my mental health. I honestly feel better without it. I don't have a problem with it or people that use it, I just feel that it doesn't mix well with me being bipolar, it's likely to send me into an episode and it is NOT worth it

I'm so very sorry you're going through that high anxiety. Sounds like you're trying to get it tampered down. Hopefully one coping skills clicks. And remember it won't last forever.

Seems we are in the same boat! I haven’t been to the eye doctor even though I was due in May because it’s costs so much for contacts!

I only got about 5 hours of sleep. But I don't have anything to do today so I'm going to take the dose of doxepin I cut back on. I cut it down to 20 mgs last night. It just might be too much. Right now I'm drinking my beloved Bengal spice tea.

About me leaving icons, it doesn't have a place to go Advanced. And it shows the next person that commented below the smileys. I think I need to contact someone about it bc it's not working correctly.

My dentist appointment ended up being fine yesterday. The dentist was really nice-he was actually the one who got me from the waiting room, he did the cleaning himself, and he didn't lecture me about the fact that it had been years since I'd been to the dentist. I scheduled an appointment to go back in 6th months so I can get back into a routine with this.

I had some bipolar symptoms the last few days. So, I'm going to stop being stubborn and accept that 3 mg of risperidone needs to be my new dose. No need to suffer if I don't have to.

Yesterday, I went into my classroom to discover they haven't worked on it at all this summer. I was going to have students come help me set up the desks, but had to cancel this because of this. Now, I'm worried I won't be able to have my classroom set up before the open house we have in a week.

Wow that sci fi con looked so fun shadow! Thanks for the pics

Sorry for all of you that are struggling with self harm and sui stuff. I remember well when that was me. This cursed illness goes in cycles.

I’ve been feeln Isolative, yesterday I didn’t get dressed until after 3 pm. Then only because I had to go down and meet the person who brought my groceries here. Now I have food I have no need to leave for the next few days. Taking a few days is ok. But if it stretches out longer it’s not good. But a few can be restorative.

I took my extra pdoc approved ambien and slept great. I feel great.

Are you using a computer or phone, and if it's a phone are you using TapaTalk? I don't know if that's still a thing, but a while back a lot of people were struggling with that.

I feel weird today. I took my 3 valiums fairly earIy. Then I took a half hour nap around noon. And I just have this weird lingering anxiety feeling. But also my sides feel like they are being squeezed together and I feel a bit weak. Idk if I should give my pdoc a call or not. I've had this happen a lot before where my meds crap out on me then I get a cold or covid or something and I'm fine mental health wise again.

@LadyShadow Thanks for the good pictures!

I spent 5 hours at Tim Hortons today just texting people and nobody was available to get together! This hypomania is making me very social and it bothers me to be alone.Tomorrow should be a great day though! I had a donut and coffee which used up my last $5 in my checking account.. then I got hungry again after 5 hours there so now I’m cooking chicken in the air fryer. Robert and I are meeting at starbucks to chat in a couple hours.