Bipolar Check-in #81

@Blueberrybook, drywall isn't so easy and doing a ceiling is really difficult, especially alone.

I doubt the vacuum is broken - it's probably just clogged from the insulation.

You guys have been through a lot this week so it's understandable that you're on edge. I can relate to you being anxious because things aren't going well for your H - it's the cost of empathy.

If your H can get a helper, it'll make the job a lot easier. I'm not saying you can't help your H with the job, but if he can get someone that's handy that'll help.

The day sure has gone fast. I didn't get out of bed until after 9 am because I was so fatigued from school starting this week. During school on Friday, it felt like it was taking all the energy I had to not lay down. I then slept for a couple of hours when I got home plus slept for 11 or so hours last night. I'm trying to rest up as much as I can this weekend, but I'd like to get up in the morning to watch the women's basketball gold medal game before Mass. I have my neurologist appointment this week so, honestly so, as long as I can still go to work, I'm okay if I feel awful and have a ton of symptoms. This would help the neurologist see what's up.

I've felt a little moody these last few days. I'm not sure if it's hormones, the fact that I just shoved down the stress of when my car broke down instead of dealing with it, or some combination.

The grocery store had cheese curds today! They aren't as good as getting them fresh in WI, but I sure do miss WI cheese (I grew up there) so it was a nice surprise.

Possible ED trigger

Caleb came over this afternoon and is spending the night. We’ve had a good day!

No vacation for me this year. My nieces are both still sick. They're going to come up for a few day trips in a few days when they feel better.

At least I can enjoy the cooler weather while it's here for a few more days. I do hate that I cancelled my therapy appointment and could have had one more before his surgery. But that's just not how it worked out and it's much better than being 10 hours away and have a kid come down with COVID.

Victoria hates me.
My dog hates me.
H doesn't hate me.

I know Victoria is going through a lot she refused medication while I was gone. So now she's just laying in bed won't talk to her psychiatrist. So I don't know. I can restart my meds as they just came in. Anyone have luck with Medicaid paying for the DNA test for psych meds?

Didn't hear from my son today. I'm sure he's smoking weed.

I'm scared. My psychiatrist put extra refills on all my meds except clonazepam. It might just be that bc it's a controlled substance he can't. There are still 2 refills left. I need to go in October.

I'm doing OK. I'm waiting to get into the pain clinic to see if I can get injections in my back. My old Dr's office quit taking medicaid and so now I'm at a sucky clinic where you have to jump hoops to get anything done. My last Dr just sent me off to the orthopedics place for indemph xrays and injections if I needed them. I did it was no fuss no muss, lol. Unfortunately the injections didn't help. Getting them done hurt more than having them.

My bipolar is good for now. The deakote seems to keep me even.

I apologize for my typos. I just post on a phone. I don't have a working computer. It's really hard to correct them. It's just a pain.

@Manarinorange
My pdoc weaned me off clonazepam b/c he felt it was causing me too much forgetfulness. I'm still forgetful now but not nearly as much. It was tough as I'd been taking 4mg clonazepam for over 10 year. It took about a year to completely wean off it. Sometimes, I'm glad of it, sometimes not. But for my overall health, it's probably better. If you still have 2 refills left, your pdoc probably will renew it once you run out of refills. Now my pdoc just tells me to take extra hydroxyzine for panic attacks. I suppose it sort of works, but not great. In the past, he had me take 25 mg of Seroquel for panic attacks, which worked better. He didn't prescribe the low dose Seroquel again, but I have such a surplus of Seroquel, I've chopped some down to 25 mg. just in case.

My mood is better this morning. I feel really bad b/c I went to bed way before H cleaned up all the mess from the drywall. But sleep hygiene is SOO important to my stability. I mess up my sleep, stability is soon out the window. H still isn't finished with the drywall; he just got the old drywall down and the mess cleaned up from that and still has to put the new drywall up today. I hope it won't be such a big deal as taking down the old drywall. That shot my anxiety sky high yesterday.

This morning, I went for a walk/jog but I left way early, like 45 min. before sunrise b/c I was up; my cat Pecan was walking/jumping all over me while I was in bed, wanting me to get up and feed her, and I just couldn't sleep once she woke me up. But I still got around 8 hr. of sleep, so that's good

Ugh. Some dissociation this morning., really hate when that happens. Not sure what might have triggered it. Sometimes it has a trigger, sometimes not.

Hello! Am not feeling well! I got some sort of a flu-like illness, and suddenly my wellbeing disappeared. I mean the flu has passed, and I sit here falling into depression. I feel down, have lost my appetite, and don't know how to crawl out of this state. I took a glass of vine in the hope that the food should taste better. It didn't!


Deep down, perhaps I do know how to move on. It is about taking back my routines, even if I feel like I want to sleep all the time.


Today I want to visit a Church. After all it is Sunday. Need to shower first. Will do that after posting this.

Tomorrow I will declutter and fill the dishwasher. I will use Spring rolls for dinner tomorrow (have them in my freezer).


If I can make all that; I can at least try to have a normal day on Tuesday, even if I don't feel well.

Hoping

Am sending positive vibes your way! Thank God because this group exists!

Caleb went home. Trying to arrange getting together with Noah after my therapy appointment tomorrow. It’s just me and the cat listening to my favorite CD. The credit card my mom has of mine so I can’t use it has a $25 charge/balance and I thought it was paid off so now it’s late and I can’t pay it till tomorrow! My credit score is taking too many hits lately. First I charged the one up to 50% of my credit limit and now I missed a payment!!

Also didn’t sleep last night even with the risperdal. I dozed for a bit but never actually fell asleep. Caleb got up around 4 am as that’s his usually body clock time to get up for work. We went out to breakfast and got there at 7:10 am. I’m still up. I hate napping because then I sleep too late into the evening and then I can’t sleep all night again. Maybe I’ll sleep better tonight with Caleb not on my couch.

Good morning. I slept last night after barely sleeping for 3 days straight. Like two nights I got zero sleep and one night I got 2 hours of sleep. I ran out of my Thorazine and didn’t feel like going to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions but I have it now and I took it last night and I slept 12 hours. So I feel a lot better. I just took a shower and am having coffee now.

I might play some videogames today. And later today I’m gonna spend time with my boyfriend. We’re gonna play some games and watch some stuff and maybe play on our instruments a bit. He plays guitar and I play violin and ukulele and some piano. He also makes beats and music electronically with music production software and raps sometimes.

Speaking of music I need to study music theory more. I have a workbook on it. I’m a quarter of the way through it. It’s a really big workbook.

I feel good today, a lot better since I finally got good sleep.

Church was really good this morning - the Word was basically to stop all the murmuring amongst ourselves and concentrate on God, which as all of us know, is a lot harder than it sounds. I will really try to pray and work on this though as the week progresses.

At my parents' house right now and about to relax and watch a movie with my dad. So grateful for them so much, and very much look forward to our weekly visits. My mom always makes a ton of food for me to take home, so I usually don't have any real food costs during the week, again so thankful.

Last night was my last night of Lithium - I stayed up a bit last night but managed to get up on time for church, so I feel good about that. Amazed that I am just down to 2mg of Risperidone for my bipolar, I never thought a day like this would come, ever. God has graced with so many blessings, and I have averted so much catastrophe, I can't help but be humbled by it all. I finished with my closet yesterday, and now I have a nice clean space for all my boyfriend's stuff when he eventually moves in. Talked to my mom just now and spoke about a time when I couldn't even get up and clean my room, and now I keep my apartment nice and clean - what a difference it has been.

I am glad you are feeling better @Blueberrybook I know it's been a stressful week for you - and you will continue to be in my thoughts @MuddyBoots - miss seeing @raspberrytorte - hope she's okay. I am so happy that you have such wonderful music outlets @Blue_Bird and that you and your boyfriend can share in it, that's so amazing. Glad your mom took care of your car @Moose72 , I know you're relieved. I sympathize with you @June08 - I have the cravings of sugar that sometimes make me eat fattier things, but I think it's because my blood sugar drops so low sometimes too. And @Rosi700 so good to see you again!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Sunday - I am so grateful you are all here on this board.

@Blue_Bird I have the same music theory book! I haven't looked at it forever. Got to the circle of fifths and kept trying to get a hang of it, but then just randomly looked at lessons later.

I'm going to skip therapy this week again. I have better things to do. It's a secret

I'm doing good today. No issues with my stomach and I've had coffee and a diet coke. My anxiety is fine too and I've only taken 1 valium. I slept really good last night on just 3mg of melatonin. I think I just need to wear my glasses all the time and push myself to get out of my house more so I'm not lying in bed all day making myself tired and more depressed. Idk maybe the increase in lamictal is finally helping too.

@LadyShadow Thanks for remembering me!
I got the first post on my program done: Shower and go to Church. God is good! I know he is with us in our struggles!

No problem! I remember you being around these parts @Rosi700 !! But yes, God is so good, I know I never used to believe as much years ago, but life challenges have really changed me. Glad you got the first part of your program done, on to the others!

I’m dragging today. Slept terribly. I’m so craving braunschweiger, but I’m not going to go buy it or the makings of one sandwich because they remainder would just go to waste. I had peanut butter on pumpernickel to assuage my craving but it didn’t do much.

I need to take a shower and fill my med boxes, but I found a channel that plays cartoons all day. Watching scooby doo right now. Oh well, it’s Sunday a day for laziness.

I didn’t sleep last night or take a nap today. I have therapy in the morning.

I hope you get some sleep tonight