Bipolar Check-in #81

Time for a new thread. I'll post and ask them close the last thread.

My blood levels are all good. I slept for about 5 hours from 3:30PM until 8:30 tonight, and I feel a lot better. I just had a bit of food poisioning. But just the type where you had to sleep it off and let it pass. But yeah now I feel much better.

I have put one third of my monthly income on purchase on my credit card this month-especially going out to eat every day! I won’t be able to pay it off this month. Plus I still owe on the credit card I used to take my cat to the vet at the beginning of the month which is also about the same amount. My friend I talk with every days says es worried about my credit card spending.

@Moose72 could you put your card where it's hard to access? Like freeze it in a block of ice and then you have to wait for it to thaw before you use it. Which gives you time to think about whether you need the purchase and if you need it now. Or giving it to someone who will be firm if you ask for it.

My mom already took one of my credit cards several months ago. I’ve spent everything in my bank account and savings too!

Oh my god. I just read the best short story submission I have ever received for the ezine. I am so excited. It was amazing. Holy shyt man. All the stories I'm publishing in the August issue are good but this one is going to make it EPIC!!! Omg. It's too good for our little ezine!!! Truly divinely written. I can't express it properly in words! It's like discovering buried treasure or something as an editor. Something truly special. 😊

I still have to get my fat booty in gear and work on my own writing. I'm about to go to bed right now though. I wish I wouldn't have given myself such a tight deadline! Was I insane?! I have to spend five hours of my day tomorrow listening to my audiobook and either approving it for final production or requesting changes again. Ugh. And I have to format all the stories for the ezine to get them ready for publication because that's coming up fast. They have to be up by the 1st. I hate doing that. That's my least favorite part of the whole publishing process. It's such a pain in the rear.

Anyway, gotta go to bed. Nighttime seroquel kicking in. Good night and love you all! 🥰

I laid around all day listening to "Ozark." I tried to get myself to play Scrabble but i didn't last long. I did one chore. It was nice to have a day free from anger and frustration.

Can’t sleep because my days and nights are switched.

Had an alright day at work but I only taught 3 lessons. Tomorrow is a bit more full on but hey it will be Thursday one day closer to fridayyyyyyyyy

To anyone wondering what's going on with my son, he was released and is back at the home.

He thinks the 3rd degree assault was dropped, but the malicious malice wasn't. He took a prn and was calmer. I used a new technique on him that my sister taught me. So instead of saying you should only have 3 cups of coffee, instead say if it were me I would only have 3 cups of coffee. He was more receptive to that. He needs to work on taking a prn when he's starting to feel paranoid and delusional. He said they weren't treating him like a little kid he just got paranoid and delusional.

For awhile today we didn't know where he was. We were worried sick bc he wasn't on the jails roster. We thought maybe he was in the hospital.

So my sister said tonight that she's not going to stop helping us, she said she just can't work harder than we do on our problems. Like a new wound coming back on me and josh being aggressive and violent. She thinks my wound came back bc i was eating too much sodium. But I just got groceries and I was able to find lightly salted snacks and other stuff. But it made her mad and my sister Heather is the sweetest kindest person I've ever met in my life. She has her own health problems and a very needy husband. The closest he can come to cooking is boiling hot dogs or making pb&j. Seriously he is a big baby and a bigot. Idk how she stays with him. But not my business.

I'm sorry I'm not able to give support at this time. I'm just going through so much.

I think there is something wrong with my tongue. The whole thing hurts and it hurts to eat. I wonder if I’m allergic to the biotine.

Nope. Dry mouth and sores and sore throat from cogentin! Now what do I do? I can’t go back to having TD!

I've been there many times. What I had to do was just force myself to be awake in the daytime. Sometimes it takes a couple days to get on schedule, but it has worked for me.

Well I'm having a hard time sleeping. I'm trying really hard to get off some of my meds bc I'm on a ton. I'm not going to come off my anti anxiety ones. Which sucks bc they are the ones ruining my brain. Maybe later down the road. But right now I'm trying to slowly reduce my doxepin. It's an old school anti depressant. But it helps with sleep. I only got 5 hours last night. I might just have to take the dose I didn't take. I've been drinking sleepy time tea for the last couple of hours. I hope I get some sleep or it's mixed or manic state I get.

I can’t sleep either.

Never slept. Going to the doctor

@moose I'm glad you're going to the doctor.

I'm so sorry for the rest of you who are struggling right now

I had a good walk but had to go an hour later b/c it was raining out. My OCD definitely did NOT like going an hour later and screwing up my normal morning routine. It's so stupid. I hate it.

The power company came pretty quickly yesterday and replaced the cracked power pole. However, our backyard fence is a mess. I can't believe I slept thru that crash. The neighbor said it was a large rental truck, and she couldn't believe the driver was able to walk out OK to the ambulance. She said it sounded like a small plane crash, which is likely since we live less than a mile from a small airport where people fly leisure planes. I was just zonked.
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Because the power company had to shut the power off, we left the house.
We were going go to the mall in my car, but on the way there, the brake light and battery light came on in the car right when we nearly got close to the mall. Luckily, the car still drove okay and we made it home. H is taking it the the mechanic today. So we had to take H's Jeep to dinner and for shopping.

After dinner, we went to a couple clothing stores where I got 3 pairs of shorts and 2 pairs of cargo pants that fit. We found a great discount store new to the shopping center, and they had fantastic prices on clothes. Daughter found a dress, but I wish she had found more clothes b/c she needs them. That was our first outing as a family forever and I enjoyed it even under the circumstances.

My mood is fine, but I only slept around 5.5 hr. last night. Maybe I can take a nap this afternoon.

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Little on edge because the only computer at the library available has my back facing the entrance, and the guy that's permanently a little erratic keeps walking in and out. He's totally harmless, but it's still spiking my anxiety. I see my T in person today. I have a love/hate relationship with driving all around the state several times a week (yesterday especially). I like driving in NH except the border towns around the major highways and in the touristy areas. There's also this one one-way road in what I guess is my hometown that everyone goes the wrong way on for convenience. But yeah, different parts of the state have their own regional charm.

Gonna work on some writing I've been doing. It's supposed to be memoir-esque but you know me and my tangents

The primary dr just said I have a laceration on my tongue and that the dry mouth is from the cogentin. I told her my whole mouth especially my tongue mouth hurts all the time and I can’t eat and she just said to talk to my Pdoc!!!! Oh and “drink water”. Duh.

I'm wondering if I should accept the scholarship for the 6 month program or go after the scholarship for the 2 year program. The 2 year program is more intense. The 6 month program I have no one breathing down my neck to complete things. At the same time $100 application fee is a bag of dog food. I'm all jumbled up right now so I don't even know if I'd get into the 2 year program with a scholarship.. I have 3 days to decide. Lots of stuff happening here.

They are also making my harness right now. So it may beat me home. I leave for home in less than a week. I learned I can't handle TV, crime shows, or awful news. My parents wanted me to download a police scanner but I said no. I already have enough anxiety I don't have to listen to crimes in progress in my area. They already found out my area is 130% above national advantage for violence crime.

I just called and complained!!! My primary dr is going to call me and hopefully call something in for me.