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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
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Jul 24, 2024 at 07:36 PM
#1
Pawpaw is gone. his house no longer stands as a place of peace as people are fighting. i feel apathetci about everything. i know i should care about school but i dont. i just wanna sleep away time. i dont care about my job or keeping my apt neat. im barely cooking for me and my husband these days. life feels too bleak and i dont wanna talk to my therapit about this but i just wanna quit everything and stayin my bed. people say they are here for me if i need them but no one understands how hard this is. seeing my mom cry over the man who came into her life and was a father figure for 60 years was hard. we had him longer than most. im 37 and he was my last living grandpa. he was 94 about to turn 95. the army honor guard were wonderful. it was powerful to see my papwaws life honored for his service in the korean war conflict. I dont care about anything.
i just wanna hide from anyone and everything. i wanna be alone. i want my life back the way it was. __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,927
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Jul 24, 2024 at 07:46 PM
#2
 I am so sorry for your loss and that people are fighting. That happened after my MIL died. OMG, the kindest person you could imagine and just all this family turning against each other.I have a grandmother who is 91, and I know I've had her a lot longer than most, but I still dread the day she won't be here any longer and how I'll cope with it. Sometimes I get so sad, I just can't even cry. I'm sorry you are feeling depressed. Please consider reaching out to your T. It is a very stressful time for you. You need to by gentle on yourself and take care of yourself. 
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 24, 2024 at 07:57 PM
#3
isee my t on friday. i havent reached out to him cause id ont wanna be a cry baby about lifes woes. im starting to think im better off just exsiting alone then be with people.
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,363
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Jul 24, 2024 at 08:06 PM
#4
Go to the appointment with your T @HALLIEBETH87, even if all you do is cry.
You need to let out your grief. Your apathy is your way of coping and that's ok in the short term. Let yourself grieve your loss, be kind with yourself. Your pawpaw would be sad to see you withdraw from life, I don't think that's what he wanted for you. __________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 24, 2024 at 08:16 PM
#5
im gonna go to the appt. but i get tired of people lke him who say ohhes in a better place. look i do believe in heaven and i know he is there but im selfish ok. and the honor guard triggered me with guns today. hearing gun shots leads to unhealthy thoughts for me.
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 24, 2024 at 08:21 PM
#6
i iwsh i wasnt married yet so i could isolate without disruption
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
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Jul 25, 2024 at 08:34 AM
#7
i cried most of the night and this am. i cant be happy. im trying. i cant be ok.
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,927
7 498 hugs
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Jul 25, 2024 at 10:15 AM
#8
It sounds like you really need to talk to someone. I don't know any of the numbers to call for helplines like that, hopefully someone here will.
You have had a difficult time with your pawpaw's death. Gunshots trigger me too  You are not a crybaby; death of someone close is a hard issue for anyone to deal with.Definitely keep that appt. with your T.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,363
6 84 hugs
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Jul 25, 2024 at 02:03 PM
#9
@HALLIEBETH87, it 's ok to tell your T that you don't want their type of consolation. You need someone to listen and validate your feelings.
You have experienced so many losses recently so it's understandable that you are grieving. Tell your husband that you need some alone time, I'm sure he will understand. My thoughts are with you. __________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 25, 2024 at 02:25 PM
#10
imjust not in the mood for the world right now
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 25, 2024 at 06:37 PM
#11
Quote:
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 26, 2024 at 03:55 PM
#12
omg **** everything right now
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,927
7 498 hugs
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Jul 26, 2024 at 04:43 PM
#13
Did you see your T?
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,584
20 2,808 hugs
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Jul 26, 2024 at 05:48 PM
#14
yes hes worried
he said to take the extra risperdal dose my doc offered for times of uncertainty __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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