Therapy is exhausting!

One solid hour about having an alcoholic dad . Therapist hinted my psychosis might not be from bipolar- that I might not BE bipolar! Therapy was emotionally and mentally exhausting today! I bought the new book of my favorite author before I went to therapy and now I’m back down to very little money! Isn’t spending too much a manic symptom? I told her about my unmedicated/prediagnosis hallucinations and she still wasn’t convinced I’m bipolar. I’m just an adult child of an alcoholic?? The last 19 years of my diagnosis have been a lie full of unnecessary medications?

Oh wow that's a heck of a thing for your therapist to say. If a pdoc diagnosed you they hold more weight than a therapist.

I'd be very careful with this therapist. She hasn't known you for that long. My first adult therapist attributed my symptoms to my past. Never having a true conversation about why I need medicine. The bugs she thought were a physical disease. I almost went on medication for that.

She hasn’t told me to quit my meds but she did want to know why I’m on an anti anxiety med for. Asked what kind of anxiety I have.

I have anxiety but I only have a fast acting med when I have an extreme panic attack. Pdoc only gives me 25 at a time so I have to be very careful how / when I choose to use them because I'm on such a limited supply.

We talked the whole time about my alcoholic dad and the abuse that went on and neglect and just a lot of horrible abuse that went on both to me and my sister and to my dad and his siblings when they were kids. These things can shape a child’s personality and adult children of alcoholics have certain traits like not being able to share emotionally which was certainly true of me. Someone I was dating years ago broke up with me because I was too distant and wouldn’t open. Up emotionally.

I'm so sorry you've had to endure such trauma

Being an ACOA has a wicked intense iin a bad way affect on most folks (I know it did for me especially when he encouraged me to follow). But you can have a traumatic childhood AND have bipolar. Or whatever you want to call havingt periods of White Mountain weather. Or arkansas weather I hear that's pretty wild. Whatever she says, just say the meds work (if they do) and if you're in a flying high or rollercoaster or Challenger debris, tell her "hey, this is a thing that happens. I was tolld BIPOLAR but I guess my drinking daddy is why my thoughts could win a marathon at a 100m pace and don't need sleep.

Like, wtf professionals? Even when I got dx'd with BPD my pdoc is like "yeah, that's no bigggie as long as we have the bipolar under control." Duuuude it's worse imo. A therapist usually doesn't know shyt though. I spiral quickly and come in saying "it's bad and it will get worse" and they just say "write it out and go on a hike," and then they're all surprised when Monday comes and I'm in the ICU. I've had Ts that think we can think our way into only experiencing love, and experiencing that at every moment of our lives.

What I'm saying is, they can't be trusted. Maybe she wants to turn off your connections because she's jealous. Maybe she's sadistic. Or maybe she has that bias wheree she doesn't know something and something happens but because she doesn't know either the second confirms the first.

I would trust a diagnosis from your pdoc rather than from your T. If this is a new T and you are not so sure about her, I'd try to get a different T.

My Pdoc increased my risperdal today because I’m still spending money like crazy.

I don't know about therapists... I mean, they can be nice and all, but I was obviously having a hypomanic episode and my therapist said it was just my hormones, so...

It's so exhausting I used to have to be by myself for awhile and take a nap. It was very draining

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My therapist told me to take breaks with her when I get overloaded with skills work or feel like trying to talk will be more stressful than productive. She cancels a bit on me too and she comes up with stuff like "something came up" or "I have a meeting" and whatever, but sometimes I feel like it's because she needs a break from me, or is testing my abandonment fears/if I spiral, maybe it's her way of seeing if there's any transference (I've realized there totally is), or knows I'm not in a space anything will be helpful.

But yeah, therapy is exhausting. It's not always about taking their word or showing up all the time, but figuring out for yourself how to take advantage of another person's perspective on things you can talk about supposedly without judgment. It's his/her job, but it's your life. They don't find any solutions, but they're supposed to guide you into whatever is your best path and your gut instinct should tell you if the T is spewing shyt or is genuinely (going to be) helpful. Even if he/she is spewing bull, that can be used as "hey, I realize when someone else says it, I have something to think about and use my own judgment on."

Saw my therapist this morning. Much talked about esp my dad and my marriage. She said I have a flat affect. I was told that in the psych ER once. She blamed it on all the meds I’m on. But without them I am anxious and manic and sometimes depressed. I just took 3 weeks off of meds and it was a disaster! Plus I’ve been talking about my dad a lot lately- here and with friends and family. I’m sure I’ve already processed a lot of the emotions with them. I just got out of a manic episode which I have risperdal to thank for getting me out of it - especially without a depressive crash! Maybe she thinks the manic me is what she knows and in comparison I seem emotionless?

Risperdal side effect! TMI- everything- not just my mouth- is dry! Ugh!

Hugs. Side effects suck.

@sweepy62 welcome!

I saw my primary doc today about the dryness. Said it’s too soon to be a side effect of the risperdal. She ran some test which were waiting to come back but basically she said it’s perimenopause! No!!!!! Nobody seems to care either. I was delusional to think perimenopause was a long way away at age 52.

If it's soon enough to cause dry mouth couldn't it be soon enough for the other dryness?

I guess not. We’ll see what my Pdoc says.