Bipolar Check-in #82

It’s 4pm now. I have to head out around 4:50pm to get the 5pm bus for my 6pm to 8pm volunteer shift. Depending on when I get out I may be back before or after 9pm. Depending on the bus. I’m thinking of ordering takeout tonight when I get home. I want a bacon double quarter pounder with cheese and a chocolate shake. That sounds really good right now. Still not sure if I am or not. We’ll see if I’m hungry when I get home.

The wings were soooo good and they were all ready by the time I got there! Tried the cajun sauce (new one for me) and it was really good. I hope you enjoy the bacon burger if you get one too

N3 is putting the finishing touches on his application to University of Michigan’s engineering program. He’s sending it in tonight!

I made jello. It was really good.

I felt wretched but then i walked my dog in the sunshiny day and looked up more jokes and felt better. I had the second of my meals from the new service i am trying, mushroom marsala, and while it tasted good, with nice risotto, it had garlic and my stomach has been protesting ever since. I love the taste of garlic but not the stomach upset after it. So now i doubt i'll be able to stick with the service. My dog is gazing at me, pouring love all over me!

"Whenever i feel fat, ugly, stupid, and that i have no redeeming traits, i don't despair. At least i have sound judgement!"

"I was filling out an online survey and it asked what state i live in. Apparently 'constant despair' is not an appropriate answer!"

"What's worse: ignorance or apathy? I don't know and i don't care!"

Hugs to all in need!

I’m on the bus on the way home. I finished early. Here’s one of the kitties

I made a big pot of taco soup just now. hubbys request. its sooo good!! my SOS mode finally went off my phone. anyone else feel like it was some sort of attack on verizon? am i being paranoid still??

haldol has made a huge difference. i see pdoc friday and am finally sleeping soundly. not really hung over either thank goodness. less irritable too. i was like super mad at ben for using my markers the other night. how dumb. lol

My spotify went all glitchy for a few a seconds a couple hours ago. And I heard Spotify was out last night for a bit. If someone wants to do something on Verizon or anything they have the power to do it very easily.

They can shut the power and internet off totally, tbh in a cybyer attack.

I think it was intentional...

N3 got his application finished and turned in.

I've made it through my 7 weeks! Tomorrow is the day I finally see my real therapist again (and the first time I've had therapy in 5 weeks so hopefully he's not mad). Finally!

Thanks for the support during this. Even just having people listen to my countdown has helped.

So glad to have this group.

I had a good day with my students and a good counseling session. Some of my students and I tried the new coke flavored Oreo's together. A lot of my students seemed to like them, or at least tolerate them, but I was not a fan.

My old counselor pointed out to my new counselor that I did not have SI thoughts until after I had started seeing my first, not so great pdoc. I think they are wondering if these thoughts are some long term effect to her poor methods and/or the prozac that triggered a mixed episode that led to my diagnosis. I don't think so though; I think it's just how my symptoms present sometimes now. The next time I'm struggling with more intense SI thoughts, we might try this thing called ART. It's similar to EMDR and I've responded well to it for other things, I just don't know that there's a ton of info about using ARTs for SI.

So I spent the day trying to figure out how to successfully complete my degree as fast as possible without going overboard or spending more than 4 hours on it. I did the same for my husband's degree. It's going to cost us $380 a month each to complete our degrees. No idea where we are going to get that kind of money.
So we'll see how things work out.

Then I went house hunting because we have to move soon. Calculating what you can afford by zip code is a *****.

Took my son to his paediatrician for his ADHD checkup. She’s giving us a referral to a psychologist for an autism assessment. He ticks a lot of boxes. His ADHD has just been so dominant (he’s 5) that the autism was overlooked. I’m keeping an open mind. My partner’s 16 year old son from a different marriage is very autistic. I’ve always told my partner he has traits of autism but he brushes me off like it’s nothing. But I’m convinced there’s something there.

Thanks for listening.

I woke up with my throat hurting and yellow gunk coming out of my nose and feeling achy. I know I took a 4 hour nap yesterday and then slept all night. Then yesterday I drank a venti caramel macchiatio and then I was still really tired and I drank half a bottle of white mocha espresso and I still needed a nap.

Then there was the whole unusually irritated and frustrated thing this past weekend. Idk but I do have a cold it seems.

I am so afraid my long-time penpal of 21 years isn’t going to write me back since I told him about my psychotic break last March. He does have a history of replying over days in a row rather than all at once. I hope that’s why he hasn’t responded yet. I would be so depressed if he and I never wrote again!

Good morning, I didn’t sleep well. It’s my fault because I keep thinking I can go down to 100mg of Thorazine but then I don’t sleep well at all. Barely sleep. I just have to accept that I need to be on the 200mg. I didn’t get to sleep till after 2am and woke up at 7am.

Idk what I’m doing today. Probably gonna try to get a lot of reading in, take a shower, draw some too probably.

I'm doing well. Sleeping good. I had the weirdest dream yet, too embarrassing to explain though!

Just finishing up my morning coffee. I've got to find out how to pop my right hip today though. It hurts when I walk. It needs to pop and I can't get it to pop. Ever since I had issues with my right SI joint, I've had issues with my right hip popping out of joint. I know there are some YouTube videos on it, and hopefully they help. I really don't want to have to spend the money on a chiropracter.

Good morning threadies!! Going to concentrate on work, even though my headspace isn't in it. Had the worst night last night, and had to shut off my phone. A friend of mine just starting dating someone and she was describing (in detail) their first kiss and I honestly felt sick. Things are hard with my boyfriend because of distance, and she knows how much I long for him for her to tell me all that. I didn't take it well. I was crying most of the night hearing God tell me "jealousy is a sin, please be grateful for all you have" I have to be grateful for the life I have and be happy for my friend that she found someone, she was suffering so much too.

We also had another big tornado warning at 5pm yesterday too!! I was sitting in my bathtub like my dad told me to do, with my phone in my hand - It was pretty scary, and I felt ridiculous. But it passed really fast and then the sun came out! So weird.

Anyway, Happy October 1st everyone, have an amazing day!!

Ughhh just spent like half an hour making a post while at a swamp while this dog I’m walking (his name is Chili and I think that is the best name for a dog—part husky at that!) so of course I just let him play with swamp creatures (he got obsessed with one turtle) but the post got erased because I got timed out when A FREAKING MOOSE SHOWED UP! that is the closest I’ve been to a moose and I do not care to repeat the experience, especially with a dog.

Anyway Chilis mom won’t be happy about all the mud, but if you have a (part) Husky don’t get upset when your house isn’t always spotless.

I’ve been super tired and there’s a million reasons that could be causing it but I’m not sure if all of them ARE actual causes (ie is Depakote contributing or is the Ritalin addition screwing me up? Or the switch from summer to fall and with it dayligh, types of food I eat, weather, etc the main thing?)

At least I sleep through the night most nights now.

Also I love the term “threadies” !

edit: I had an ex that was a musician (ok, I had a lot of musician exes, but regardless) and a majority of our time and communication was through music. Missing our times significantly today, and he's a huge Steely Dan fan so of course I have my Royal Scam CD going. Once I move and settle in, I'm going to really work on moving forward with life. Maybe I'll go back to school or find something else I can make a decent living doing. I don't really know, but I'm just going to pick something that sounds interesting and go after it.

edit2: You Canadians have police officers TRAINED in crisis intervention? Lucky SOBs