Bipolar Check-in #82

thats good. i jsut really likedthe color of this one and it was i n a size that looked good. i dont typically shop at kohls. i usually frequent goodwill, clothes mentor and tjmaxx

@Brentus:

Glad to hear you're feeling good and best of luck to you in your new job!

You know what is so scary? Insurance companies and the power they have. My daughter pays for her insurance, I think her family pays well over a thousand bucks a month for their coverage but they called her one day and said she was taken off because they couldn’t prove she was American! She was born in this state has lived in this state all her life, she has an American name. No reason for them to do that. Meanwhile she has no insurance! She has her birth certificate and marriage certificates to prove it but the company isn’t local and trying to send copies on line is ridiculously complicated by their asking for codes she doesn’t have. She has an appointment with her pdoc she needs to keep and pills to pay for to stay stable. This is a nightmare. How can they just kick you off the insurance without first giving you a chance to prove they are wrong?

my cat is looking t somehtign id ont see and its freakng me out.

I feel kinda weird. I don't know why. I'm just a bit anxious and my blood pressure is high. I see my therapist tommorow morning.

Anxiety can cause high bp

I see my therapist in the morning after a two week break.

Is it like anxiety when you feel like your gonna die when theres no reason to feel like it? I just took melatonin so hopefully I calm down.

I guess my pdocs np told my mom steroids can stay in your sysytem for a couple weeks. I wonder if thats why I feel so creepy right now.

I kinda want to apply for a job because I'm wasting away. But my mom is like "noooo you cant work because you get sick all the time."

I'll just throw up behind a dumpster or some ****.

im so ****ing angry at my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i havent been this angry in a LONG time and i cant calm down

I cancelled my busy week. I cut it down to one appointment, my dog's nail trim. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm neglecting my health but the truth is i just don't care that much. My dog continues to struggle but as long as i take her out for potty frequently she is okay. I just don't want to have to do this indefinitely, as Winters here are hard, and i won't want to be doing this then. It's okay for the moment tho. My dog will be twelve next month!

At least i got three loads of laundry done yesterday, when i was still planning on having a busy week, and needing fresh outfits for it. I've been procrastinating on laundry for ages, and it feels great to finally have done it! It wasn't nearly as hard as i thought.

I got a 99-point play in Scrabble today!

@Nammu:

I am so sorry your daughter is going through that mess with health insurance now. It sounds totally unreasonable of her carrier. I hope she can get it straightened out soon. We Canadians complain about the poor quality of our health care but at least we don't have to deal with negligent health insurance companies. Hang in there! I'll keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.

Wonderful day with dad today - he was in tears when he got his new laptop for his birthday, and I know he loved the big ice cream cake and singing happy birthday even though mom and dad grumbled through it! LOL. I don't care, I need these memories darn it! Anyway, HAPPY STAR TREK day everyone - I spotted the guy below on his shelf and cleaned him and brought him home to display on my desk. So many of my beautiful statues were lost, I still feel so bad about it.

Things are good - still agonizing over this hefty payment each month, and I feel like even Christmas is going to suck for me now, ugh. BUT, mental health wise I am in a really good place, making peace with God, and just proud of myself that I am in the position where I can still do nice things for my parents when I can. I think that's so important after all they've done for me.

@Brentus - nice to see you after so long, good luck on the new job. @JaneOnceMore - congrats on all the laundry, I know when I let things pile up and finally get it done, I feel a lot better. @Nammu - I will be praying hard for your daughter that she gets all that resolved. @Blueberrybook so glad to see you so stable and productive, so proud! @Rosi700 - so glad you're doing good, the Word in church this morning was so amazing. @HALLIEBETH87 - just breathe girl and get some distance from the hubby for an hour or two till you calm down, hopefully things are good now.

So glad to see everyone up and about and posting. Hugs to those that need it, and I hope you guys had a fantastic weekend!

I had this dream where I couldn't stay awake and when I kept getting up I'd fall over. I woke up at 12:57 feeling like I had taken stuff. But I was just achy and I went too long without my meds. I often feel like I'm going to fall off my bed and I don't know why.

But man did doing laundry? Yesterday Cause some intense body aches. I can't get warm either. I feel ok. I wish I could go agaisnt the rules and sleep with a heating pad.

my husband apologized and were ok now. i was livid last night. im trying to see a new pdoc

I didn’t sleep well last night. Only got 5 hours of sleep.

I sat outside for 45 minutes this morning reading and talking to a neighbor of mine. It was nice. I’m about to go to the coffee event thing in my apartment building. Other than that I’m gonna get on the treadmill, I have a violin lesson today @3pm and am also gonna clean

Those are the plans for today basically

Well the coffee event didn’t happen. But I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. Only thing left to do is my violin lesson @3pm and to clean my apartment and take a shower. It’s only going on 11am now. Oh yeah at some point I need to cook the ground turkey in the fridge to put in pasta

Tomorrows plans are I have an apartment inspection in the morning, a tenants meeting in the afternoon, taking a walk outside, practicing violin, and getting on the treadmill again.

i have appt with new pdoc on oct 4. i cancelled appt with current np. cant stand her. shes lonly been practicing since january of this year. wow.

I was feeling pretty good this morning--exercised, showered, washed & folded a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen. Then, my daughter announced her school is having a meetup on Thursday. She is home-schooled so doesn't see other kids her age much. Unfortunely, H has to go into work that day and can't take her. I told H & my daughter there was no way I could drive her; the meetup is in downtown Houston, and I have bad driving anxiety, and I do not drive in most of Houston and especially not in downtown Houston.

Now, I feel bad and like a loser because if I were a normal mom, I could drive my daughter to this meetup without a problem. I'm feeling so anxious and panicked now and am beating up on myself. Times like this I really hate being me

I slept until 8:05 today. I haven't slept that late in months. I had in person therapy at 9:45 so I had to hurry a bit. Therapy went good. She googled it and thinks I'm still feeling things a bit from the steroids but says I should be better this week. Overall I feel a lot better once I took a shower and got out of the house even if it was just to therapy.

I'm trying to find that new Oreo flavored Coke today.

My therapist agrees with my mom that I shouldn't be working when I'm sick all the time. I am in the living room sitting up watching TV though instead of in my room for once.

I am in the middle of a panic attack. Once the high anxiety started up this morning, it just will NOT go away I hate this.

Getting ready for my violin lesson, my teacher lives in DC, I live in New York so we do our lessons over video call on my laptop

I recently got a better external webcam and a external mic since the camera and mic already in my laptop suck.. I just plug these into my laptop and I'm good to go. Someday I'll get a better laptop. Eventually I want a 4K camera, my new external camera is 1080pd which is still leaps and bounds better than the internal one in my laptop. My laptop is pretty old and outdated.

I'm feeling good today, excited about my lesson