Bipolar Check-in #82

Got my schedule from my new job yesterday for the whole month of October. I hope they continue to do it like that, it makes it easier for me to plan things. Have to work on a few odds and ends this morning - I realized I needed some kind of better calendar app; I am just writing everything down and overwhelming my Google calendar.

Things are really good at the store - body butter making classes are getting a lot of interest and my boss is getting thoughts for Christmas. Been a long time since I worked in retail during a holiday season, yikes! I am doing good otherwise - really focused.

Have to work on my anger issues though - you guys ever experience just severe frustration and anger when you lose something? I have been misplacing and losing things lately and it's just been sparking intense anger - but I know it's because I have just been so exhausted lately overall. Hugs @Blueberrybook - I hope the day turns out better for you.

Got an email from the apartment complex. Water main break that’s affecting our whole complex. This means I can only flush the toilet once. I’m at Panera at the moment but gonna ask my mom if I can come over till they get it fixed.

The lab has received my sample for DNA testing! That was quick! They will send the results to my psych nurse practitioner.

Still having intrusive thoughts...ugh

I took a rest day from exercise which probably isn't helping the intrusive thoughts.

I saw the pdoc today. No med changes, come back in 6 weeks. I had bad driving anxiety there & back though I really wish I did not get so anxious driving, I didn't used to be this way. I have a tension headache now.

My lips keep pursing and my tongue is moving around my mouth. It’s very mild but noticeable. I texted my case manager but no reply yet.

moose, that happens with me on Seroquel, my tongue constantly moving in my mouth and mild lip twitches. Thankfully, it has never gotten worse. I've been on Seroquel mostly on for 15 years, but thankfully, the movements have stopped whenever I go off Seroquel, so in my case they don't seem to be permanent. I hope they don't get worse for you.

What I don’t want is a repeat of California where my arms and hands were useless! I couldn’t type, use a glass and then my torso got involved and it was basically like Parkinsons. I also got stiff muscles where I couldn’t move. My case manager still hasn’t gotten back to me! Ugh. This was when I was on Invega back in June.

I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes and dissociated the entire time I was on it.

I’m doing okay I guess besides the dissociation and anxiety. I’m going to the food pantry tomorrow, since I’m out of everything besides noodles and oatmeal and I already used up my Foodstamps this month.

I got back to sleep for another few hours until almost 8. Then I woke up feeling totally fine. I was smelling normally and nothing weird was in my nose. I got an email from my therapist an hour before I woke up asking if I was ok to do in person and she just wanted to do what was best for me. Then I got a second email saying she actually needed to switch to telehealth because she was really sick. Then I got a 3rd email saying she was cancelling altogether and asking me if we could meet virtually tommorow. I really did want to see her but I understood. Then the receptionist called and set up the appointment and that did irk me a bit because we have always done everything together. But I'm guessing my therapist was at the doctors or something and the receptionist had to take over because I did get an email from my T confirmining our appointment and apologizing for today. I mean, I was sick too this week and had to reschedule.

Anyways I went to Starbucks and got a non dairy oatmilk apple iced macchiato. Those are fine on my stomach. That and ghoul aid Kool Aid. Now I don't have any plans but I do feel better physically from yesterday and theres no depression either.

Sorry about your therapy appointment getting rescheduled

The oatmilk apple iced macchiato sounds amazing!

@Blueberrybook

I have driving anxiety too and never used to be that way. Mine's to the point where my husband has to drive me to doctor's appointments, pharmacy, etc., since the only places I can drive without completely freaking out are the store and gas stations, all close by. It makes me feel like a shytty mom because I can't even drive my daughter and I to the movie theater! Husband has to give us a ride! I feel awfully pathetic. I also can't drive at night because my eyesight is so bad. Anyway, so you're not alone! I hope your intrusive thoughts go away. 🫂 ❤️

Your caramel macchiato looked so good I decided to try a macchiato. I wish I had a bakery like that near me.

Did you enjoy yours? I have enough left on my gift card to get one more large caramel macchiato whenever I feel like so I’m gonna go again maybe this weekend

I
Bought caramel
Apple macchiato k cups at Kroger yesterday and omg soooo
Goood!!

Finally talked with case manager. She said the B6 vitamin - 1/2 every other day- should take care of the mouth movements!

Just changed like 5 passwords including my banking app and totally deleted my starbucks account because when I opened my sb app it said something about there’s been a data breech on starbucks account and I should change my password. Figuring this was a scam I just deleted my whole sb account! Then I changed a bunch of passwords on various sites including my banking one. I just totally freaked out! I hope everything is ok. My phone opens the banking app with face recognition anyway but I felt I needed to actually change the password.

I have to go into work this morning to fetch my laptop. Really hoping no one sees me. I will have lesson plans to put up next term so I need it. I’ll go at 7:30 when only the daily organiser is there so no one sees me ….

I'm so disappointed! I saw B today at a picnic and she barely paid any attention to me. I guess yesterday was just an anomaly. Maybe groups are not my thing. I seem to have a good time only one-on-one. But how do you arrange that? I don't want to date.

B was texting with a guy, then he showed up and they were very cozy. Yesterday she told me she had trouble staying in touch with people. Well, she obviously didn't have any trouble staying in touch with him.

Maybe it's for the best. I woke up super early, before dawn, and dressed in a wildly colored African dress. These are both behaviors i have when hypomanic. I felt worried that my mood was escalating but since B ignored me i've been down in the dumps as usual.

Yeah I did like it. It worked out for me better then other stuff

Well I snuck into work at 7:30, grabbed my laptop and left. Pretty sure no one saw me ….

Was supposed to work today, but I didn't. Instead, I went out and spent a bunch of money which I know I don't have because rent and car insurance is due next week. Just transferred some money out of savings, but wow, things are bad. I bought a lot of cute work outfits from a nice department store, and even found slacks short enough for me so I don't have to hem them, (really lucky there). I haven't been clothes shopping in SOO long, almost forgot what it's like to treat myself to things. Oh, and then went and spend a bunch of money on food that's totally not good for me at Walmart, lol, but whatever, such is life!

Things are going really good. Have a real jam packed next three days planned for the weekend, chairing my AA meeting tomorrow, my friend is coming to pick me up to go to the big Recovery Alive event they do in Selma at night, early morning yard sale for the needy in Smithfield on Saturday, then off to a women's meeting with my friend in Wilson, then headed home to get picked up by my other friend to head into Raleigh and meet another friend to watch Beetlejuice and have dinner. Then of course, Sunday morning church and then the day with my parents. Dad is having surgery on his left eye after a saw pitched some metal directly below his eye that he had cataracts surgery on a few years ago. OUCH! So, I will have to rearrange some of the things I got going on next week to drive him to Raleigh for the surgery.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend; you guys have always been the best community I have ever been a part of. Thank you so much.