Bipolar Check-in #82

There is nothing like good sleep!

Oh, good news! I managed to sleep good too, but not that long, just 7 hours. But for me that’s great.

It's been a pretty productive morning. I have some laundry going, sewed a few buttons onto a couple flannels missing them, called SS, Medicare, and Well Sense to straighten some shyt out (ok, so my hep med was SUPPOSED to be covered by Well Sense but something went wrong, and they're fixing it and I should get something in the mail soon). I'm my own rep. payee now too, apparently. I don't know when that happened, but the money wasn't being deposited into the rep. payee account (which is my mom's but kinda not? I don't really know how it works and we didn't use it the way it was intended so...instructions unclear, got stuck in a well). She called and asked about it and they just said I was my own payee now. Thanks for a notification? It'll be cool because now I'll actually know what I have and have access to it and won't have to take a wild guess and hope I'm putting down the right income on housing stuff and hope I'm not spending more than I have. Or constantly get yelled at for asking if I have enough money for tampons and lotion (man, have I noticed the air getting drier) (I also like to know if I have money for gas should I need it to get the "anti-bleeding-skin-substance").

I'm pretty proud of myself for those buttons though. My vision is shyt (thank you, meds. Never before have I been so happy to have common sense to know the speed limit sign says 30 and not 80 because my eyes want to trick me into a ticket (I think at that point they arrest you, especially when "practical speed limit" is 5-10mph over legal). I'm just picturing myself thinking I should be going 85 on a road like three miles long and two stop signs in that span meanwhile following someone lost but likes looking at pretty leaves doing 25. "Come on, lady, you're only going 55mph under the limit. I understand being careful in unfamiliar locations, but this is just unacceptable." Oh yeah, overcoming the tremors and motivation, energy, and organization difficulties also made me feel pretty good about those buttons.

Speaking of vision, meds may have worsened my vision too in that I had to have cataract removal at the age of 44 which is considered quite young to need cataract surgery. My eye doctor told me it is thought AP can cause cataracts, and I had been on mostly on Seroquel for 20 years (minus pregnancy & breastfeeding).

Good news is cataract surgery gave me awesome vision! I had been horribly nearsighted my entire life (from 4th grade on) to the point where my contact lens prescription was something like -11, and now I am slightly farsighted. I need to wear glasses for reading, but I don't have to wear glasses or contact lenses for anything else, can even drive without corrective vision. It's wonderful!

So, IDK, in my case, maybe it was a nicel thing to have AP (possibly) screw up my vision!

I used to have better than 20/20 vision. Now I have bifocals and a cataract forming. They are keeping an eye on it. But yes I understand part of it is age and part of it might be all my reading, but I blame meds for a huge part of it. I also blame meds for my metabolism disorder and think it was my vegetarian lifestyle for years that kept me from getting diabetes.

I went grocery shopping. Got everything on my list. Plus a pumpkin log dessert thing. I got a bag of apples. I’ve been really enjoying apples lately. They’re so good especially in the fall.

This is what I got

- [ ] Bananas
- [ ] Strawberries
- [ ] Oatmeal
- [ ] Yogurt
- [ ] Butter
- [ ] Chicken Patties
- [ ] Hamburger buns
- [ ] Cottage cheese
- [ ] Apples (a bag of them)
- [ ] English muffins
- [ ] Eggs
- [ ] Buffalo sauce
- [ ] Ranch
- [ ] Shredded lettuce
- [ ] Frozen berries
- [ ] Spinach fresh bagged x2
- [ ] Sweet potatoes x2

Plus the pumpkin log that was an unplanned purchase but it looked good and it’s fall and I love fall desserts.

And yesterday I got some cocoa powder, coffee, and Splenda at the other store. I like making oatmeal with a spoonful of 100% cocoa powder unsweetened, frozen berries, and a packet of Splenda and mixing it up. It’s one of my favorite breakfasts.

And I have two cases of unsweetened almond milk and a big thing of protein powder being delivered later today.

It was way too busy in the grocery store. I’m glad I slept in but going to the grocery store during the times it’s busy makes me anxious. Which is why I prefer going at 6am when hardly anyone is there.

I'm tired and groggy as **** right now and I haven't been too hungry anyways today.

I had therapy this morning and I shut down midway but like not in an obvious way. She probably just thought I was tired from the evail. Shutting down is unlike me though but I was getting kinda jealous of her other client. Also not like me.

.

And I have had plenty of other stuff going on to get her attention.

Idk. Hopefully this shyt feeling passes.

My pdocs nurse called. Said pdoc doesnt want me to take the new med. But doesn't know why. She'll call back. Idk



My pdoc and GI doc are going to talk together and figure out something. I just have to sign a release form.

I need to avoid avoidable triggers already

I had to order food. H is sleeping. V's no help. I have nothing to cook with or to cook so I ordered. Had therapy today. She helped me make a list of things to tell pdoc tomorrow. I'd just like to stop getting sick from the medicine. I'm becoming adverse to taking it. I'm not sleeping well. I'm trying to decide whether I should get Coursera or a degree.