Bipolar Check-in #82

It's a very long day of traveling tomorrow for me. I have to get up at 4am, pack, and then drive for 2 hours.

After that, I need to return the rental car, get to the airport, take a 5 hour flight, go through customs, and finally get home by about 8pm. Long day.

I hope things go smoothly. They didn't go so well on the trip in, some really wild things happened and I really don't want a repeat.

My depression is still doing its thing so I'm feeling low, but I'm hanging on. This too shall pass.

I did have a chance to get into a really deep thought place. I focused on how I was feeling and for an hour, just let my thoughts pass by without feeding them. My mind eventually became much quieter and my body felt like jello.

I really want my therapists attention. I know theres the whole dress to impress thing. I could legit use a haircut too. I don't really need to do anything, I already have a lot going on that will get her attention.

I just want to know what is wrong with me. Why I sleep so much and have all these strong feelings all of a sudden.



My mom says I'm depressed.

It's 4:15 and I'm still awake. I know that I'll get to sleep eventually but I hate this. I hate this time of night. I hate the anxiety to get to sleep before daylight. I hate the fear that I won't sleep at all (I will, even if it is in the morning) because that certainly has happened but not when I was on these meds.


I don't know why I'm still so anxious. I thought it would go down when my therapist came back. It did some but I'm still quite anxious and still taking PRN Seroquel (just 12.5 mg twice a day) most days. Of course now it may be because of my SSDI review. I took that to the post office today so I've done everything I can. I just hated that I was filling it out without my normal amount of therapist of pdoc visits. i put a note on the form that explained my therapist who I usually see weekly had been on medical leave and my psychiatrist who I see monthly had cancelled on me so the form was representative of normal but who knows if they'll accept that.

Does anyone remember how quickly they heard back? I don't even remember my last review apparently so I certainly don't remember the time frame. Thanks!

My SSDI form had a place to list all recent appointments and then a comment section where I explained that my therapist was on medical leave and my psychiatrist cancelled on me, changing my usual routine appointments. But I can't remember if I filled out all of the top lines. I know I used my calendar to be sure I was accurate and I know I got my pdoc appointment on there but I can't remember if I went back through all of August or July if I had enough lines.


This is agitating me. I still haven't slept and I've had all the PRNs I should take (I can have more gabapentin but it's not ideal). It's now 6 AM. I feel like I should just get up but I've taken so much medication that eventually I'm going to crash. I can't spend the next month freaked out about this. Somehow I have to make peace with not knowing for sure that I filled the form out fully. I'm 95% sure I did but the 5% is powerful.