Paranoia

I'm SO paranoid right now. I'm scared something terrible is going to happen to my husband, like I jinxed something and conjured up negative energy. Like I AM the negative energy. I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out. My husband is at work. I texted him my concerns and he said I needed to get people on the phone on Monday.

I feel light headed and shaky and like I'm going to pass out or something. Our daughter chose to go to his mom's house tonight instead of staying home with me and I don't know why. I'm paranoid she thinks I'm like my mom or something and that's why she doesn't want to hang out with me.

Of course, who would want to hang out with THE negative energy? I certainly wouldn't! I don't like being with myself right now.

raspberry, I'm sorry you're going through this. I've had spells like that and they are not fun. I especially get paranoid that H will have a car crash on the way to or from work and die and it doesn't help that his commute is so long, that just makes me worry more.
Do you have prn meds to help with anxiety that might help curb your paranoia? Or IDK trying some methods of relieving anxiety that might help-grounding, meditation, what not?

I'm not sure what has helped these episodes pass for me, different things like med changes or suddenly shifting into mania.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.

As they gets older they like to do their own thing. It has little to do with you.

How about doing some reality testing/grounding?

You're using the term "paranoia" which means you know it's an irrational fear (as long as your definition of "paranoia" insinuates the fear is unfounded). That doesn't mean the feeling it valid, my friend, but for me at least knowing there's a good chance it's not reality is comforting. But I'd say it is really good you're saying (paraphrase) "you're paranoid you're the negative energy" instead of "you are the negative energy." In a mental health sense anyways, which is what we have to keep in mind in any sort of unstable period (I know I've been gone, but I think you were struggling a bit before I left, and I KNOW you were really struggling not super long ago too).

As for your daughter going to his mom's? Eh. Kids. Unless she is genuinely terrified of you or runs for the hills at the sight/sound of you, I think you're alright in that department.

I know how much it sucks to hate being yourself. I wish I had a fix, but know you're a good person, at least from my perspective, and I know from many others' here. No way such a beautiful soul as yourself could be a negative energy