Unforgivable - Trigger Warning

Moose72 · 04:07 PM

Are some things unforgivable?

This whole post needs a trigger warning which I don’t know how to do. If someone could please put one in I’d appreciate it!

Possible trigger:

last Spring in March I had a psychotic episode. I heard voices telling me “Kill Scott” over and over while I was texting with him from 2 hours away.

A few days later my good friend Caleb came to visit. We had pizza and we’re having a good time until the voices told me to go to the kitchen to get a knife and stab Caleb. I went to the kitchen and opened the knife drawer and picked up a knife. I. Put it back down and closed the drawer. I went back to the room Caleb was in and kept picturing myself stabbing him. After a long time of this I asked him to drive me to psych emergency services because I was psychotic and out of control. He did so but he mentions it sometimes and I don’t think he can or will ever forgive me for scaring him so badly! It breaks my heart that this all happened and I’ve been crying about it for hours off and on today. Can he forgive me? I was hospitalized in an unfamiliar psych ward for about 10 days.

Victoria'smom · Sep 25, 2024, 04:23 PM

So I think very few things are unredeemable. You handled it best you could. You kept both you and him safe and went and got help. Yes it went further than it should have without intervention. I had a similar instance as a teen but I didn't tell anyone and I didn't go to the hospital. I struggled for a really long time and there were some close calls. I thought I was a horrible human being for a while which made things that much worse. I had to work through it in therapy. My "victim" has no idea. She actually thinks fondly of that time. Things happen when we are really sick. Best apology is to take care of yourself and avoid getting that sick again best you can.

Moose72 · Sep 25, 2024, 04:29 PM

I feel I have broken his trust of me and it can’t be fixed. Even though we’ve gotten together many times without any problems since that night. Thanks for your reply Victoriasmom.

divine1966 · Sep 25, 2024, 05:08 PM

I think it’s very commendable that you admitted you weren’t well and proceeded to the hospital as soon as you realized you were not well.

Maybe it wouldn’t be forgivable if you kept it a secret, lied how unwell you were and never seeked help thus endangering everyone around you. That’s not what you did.

If you feel uneasy, maybe bring it up to him that you worried how he feels about the whole thing.

Moose72 · 06:19 PM

I talked with him. He said he could tell I wasn’t myself and he wasn’t afraid of me and there was no one else around to drive me to the hospital so he did.

divine1966 · Sep 25, 2024, 06:53 PM

Good. He’s a good friend

bizi · Sep 27, 2024, 10:28 PM

I am so sorry that happened to you. yes, he is a good friend.
bizi

Moose72 · Sep 28, 2024, 09:10 PM

I’m scared. I told my 23 year penal/friend about this and also about the in person hearing voices meeting I went to today and I’m afraid I’ve scared him away!

Moose72 · Sep 28, 2024, 09:11 PM

In fact anybody but my hearing voices group or my Pdoc or T will not want to know me anymore.

raspberrytorte · Sep 28, 2024, 11:19 PM

The first time I OD'd I freaked out afterwards and texted one of my friends and told her what I did, then fifteen minutes later her and my other friend came to pick me up to rush me to the ER... I was totally out of it. Scared them to death, but they still speak to me as though it never happened. So they forgave me for being an idiot.

Your situation wasn't even your fault and you handled it fantastically. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Moose72 · Sep 29, 2024, 11:57 AM

Scott and I used to talk every day and now it’s one word non responses from him. He’s a therapist and had said it would be good for me to be in therapy.

bizi · Sep 29, 2024, 02:22 PM

Are you seeing a therapist now or will you follow his suggestion?
Again I am sorry that this happened to you.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

Moose72 · Sep 29, 2024, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

Are you seeing a therapist now or will you follow his suggestion?
Again I am sorry that this happened to you.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

I have a relatively new therapist yes.

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Unforgivable - Trigger Warning

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