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Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: USA
Posts: 250
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Yesterday at 10:38 PM
#1
Does anyone else struggle with living in constant fear of your bipolar diagnosis?
One way this comes out for me is, every night, I take stuff into my room to have in case it messes with my sleep. I'm fortunate that since starting meds, even when manic, I usually sleep and yet I feel like I have to bring stuff to my room just in case. I take stuff to my room so my roommate wouldn't know I was up in the middle of the night. But, I'm also constantly terrified of the SI thoughts I get (whether I'm struggling with them at the moment or not) and that one day I will have symptoms that are so bad people will find out that I have bipolar disorder. In my mind, if that happens, my life will be completely destroyed. This fear is bad enough that, in my mind, hospitalization can never happen because then people would know so, no matter what, I'm going to have to manage with nothing but pdoc and counselor help (if it ever gets to that point). I think I fear people finding out and SI thoughts most of all. __________________ Lamotrigine: 300 mg Bupropion: 150 mg Risperidone: 3 mg |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,468
(SuperPoster!)
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Yesterday at 10:46 PM
#2
That sounds like catastrophizing, a disadvantaged coping method. It’s not part of bipolar but a coping mechanism that can be unlearned with cognitive behavioral therapy.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,711
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Today at 02:20 PM
#3
I did have this fear...until my first hospitalization happened...after that, it didn't seem to matter to me so much since everyone pretty much already knew after that. Before that, I felt I HAD to be perfect and that included staying out of the psych hospital. I guess I was lucky too in that there were not open beds in the nearest actual psych hospital when I needed to be hospitalized and I was sent more to a sort of halfway house/crisis house sort of place which in retrospect I now realize was quite a huge step up from an actual psych hospital so the whole experience all around wasn't as bad as I had feared.
I still get uncomfortable with the thought of people I don't really know knowing about my bipolar and mental illness, such as H's friends or work acquaintances, but H tends to be of the view that he's not going to lie or be secretive about it and often does tell these people. Which really, I don't even know why I care since most of these people I haven't even met in person at all, but IDK, it still does have a way of making me feel ashamed about it. Ugh. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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