Manic?

This is an email I sent to my friend. We’ve been writing for 21 years!

I learned something about myself today. Yesterday I typed so many texts to S. that he said "I do work you know!" Then later while we were texting he said "you're doing it again" when he stopped replying for a long time. I said "Where are you?" "You're doing it again ." He replied. He said he wasn't mad just pointing out a fact.

Talked with C. this morning and he said I do the same thing- call him umpteen times if he doesn't answer. It's an anxious feeling.

With you I just get a current topic I want to tell you about and want to get it down before I forget. So you end up with many emails. It must frustrate you to have to write back to so much. It's something I didn't realize I was doing until S. pointed it out. I was told recently on a bulletin board for bipolar people- we've all become friends. Recently someone said "Moose, I've never seen you post so many different topics at once!" Others said it's called hypergraphia where you can't stop texting and posting and writing in general. That made sense to me.

So forgive me if I've done this with our emails lately. It must be difficult to keep up with. I wouldn't want to scare you off. That and I've had a lot going on.

Hope this helps you understand my behavior.

I’ve been up since six. No nap. Not really tired but there’s no one to talk to. I feel like talking or texting but it’s too late even for posting here.

Still need to talk. Maybe I really am manic. I feel all alone. I talked for about six hours today all to the same person! Why isn’t that enough?!

Nobody likes me when I’m manic!

I do, hope you feel better soon.

Reported continued hypo/mania to my case manager!

I feel like I want to jump out of my skin! Listening to music. Singing of two people- a countertenor and a little boy. My case manager had better get back to me!

I am so restless! Where is my case manager???

My case manager goes home soon! NOW what?

Just talked to somebody on a warm line anonymously. He helped calm me down from being to agitated. I called the crisis line at my nurse practitioner’s office and they listened to me and said they’d send a message to my np to see if I can get an earlier appointment. I hope it’s not med related! I’m so sick of changing meds!

I talked with my N3 on the phone last night. He was practicing Bach fugues on the piano! Those are hard! Then we talked about his music theory class. It’s divided up into 3 sections- beginners, intermediate, and advanced- that’s for music majors. I think N3 should be in that hardest group as he knows so much but the instructor has him in the intermediate group. I think this class is just going to end up being an easy A for him. It’s too bad! He could learn stuff that challenges him

I texted case manager telling her I’m in a mixed episode now. She’s not getting back to me.

Case manager finally talked with psych nurse practitioner who upped my Vraylar dose to 3 mg. Picked that up. Will take it tonight at bedtime. Also got a Covid shot today at Walgreens.

I’m still crying. My mom’s dog is doing poorly. They’re at an emergency vet about an hour from home.

I'm sorry,

I’m still so restless!

My mom’s dog is in icu overnight. She had something from when she got her teeth cleaned I think- something was lodged in her vocal cords blocking her airway. She nearly died this morning. My mom and stepdad are exhausted. This started at 4 am and they had to take her to a better equipped vet an hour away. They were there all day. She may need a tracheotomy- not sure. I think it has to do with her getting her teeth cleaned and some extracted yesterday.

Took my first higher dose of Vraylar. Let’s hope I don’t get side effects and this mania/mixed episode goes away!

Hope it helps Moose!

One of my usually best friends says I will have problems with the new Vraylar dose simply because it is an increase. He says it will take several days. He’s so negative! On psych issues I’m beginning to see his true colors.