Bipolar Check-in #83

The chirp stopped so everything is back to normal now. What a relief. I'm finding myself unaccountably depressed tho. I'm cranky and irritable and quitting all my activities early. I'm having trouble mustering interest in anything. I'm really uncomfortable. It's super cold here, below freezing last night. Maybe it's my Winter depression coming on... and it's only early October.

Aww Jane I’m sorry but thanks for mentioning the chirp is gone, I’d been wondering about that.

Pdoc called me around 8pm. Never had one personally call me. He said to let klonopin dissolve under my tongue to work fast. And to call office Monday to make an appt sooner then December

I'm going to mention food

I tried Mcdonalds chicken big mac and it was gross. I gave like 3/4 to my mom. I didn't get any fries. I'm not sure why that stuff is grossing me out all of a sudden. Food is just weird since the new med. I'm into this semi health kick thing but its not really on purpose.

McDonald’s grosses me out now too.

McDonald's has ALWAYS grossed me out! All fast food does, except for Subway.

The Subway veggie and cheese is really good!

I get my sub with all of the veggies and some sauce, and salt and pepper.

Sol now my husband agrees with my t and pdoc I might be hypomanic. The thing that made him say maybe is:

I made a new Facebook group for people with psychosis that want or have service dogs. Then I went on posting as much information as I could. Then I wrote to Purina about how to get discount codes or pre paid codes. So if someone is in need And we can't find resources in their area I can give them a code to buy 44# of Purina dog chow. Then I went to Amazon and picked out 10 dog things that I can give away in a drawing 1 x a month to the top contributing people. I spent no money just wishlist it.

11/18/24 will be three years since my wife passed away. For the 1st or or so I was gone I mean I don't remember hardly anything. I mean I did a 5736 motorcycle ride in dedication to my wife. If it was not for pictures and a few memories I would not remember being on the trip. Last October I went back to work after having worked in 11 years. I was scared and my anxiety was through the roof but I was bound and determined to work my butt off and I did and it paid off I was promoted from a basic assembler to a hydraulics builder. I started to change for the better now a few months ago my dad fell he was not hurt except for some bruises. He had just moved out to Indiana from Idaho. I said yes and put in my notice at work which was hard to do but I felt I needed to help my dad out. The move has been the best thing I have done since my wife died my anxiety has been seriously been reduced my depression is not as bad I do grieve though. I went to a music festival 2 weeks ago in Louisville with my daughter well the band I wanted to see got rained. Long story I got comped tickets to a festival in Sacramento I said screw it and got everything I needed booked and off i wentSo yesterday was the band I wanted to see i almost chickened out I am 51 and have never been to a concert by myself. I said F it and went. I actually talked to strangers and just explored all around and i even got on the rail for Slayer. I had a great time yeah some moments of sadness every so often thinking about how Crystal would of liked this. Cypress Hill had a lady doing sign language thought that was cool. I am enjoying this growth i am experiencing.

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I’ve spent most of the day anxious. I’ve decided hynosis only worked in the moment it’s not helping me long term.

Took my son to swimming lessons today then went to the mall then to a cafe by the beach. Come home feeling utterly exhausted

@otroo I remember you! I'm so glad that you are doing better. I remember how much you were struggling when you were posting. I'm sure it's still incredibly painful but it sounds like things are better.

Glad you got to go to the concert even if you had to go alone! That's great you talked to strangers. You are braver than I am.

@Crazy Hitch Does it take more than one hypnosis session for it to work? I know little about it but most things take more than one time to work so I would imagine that it might also be true with hypnosis. Do you have more sessions coming up?

It's nearly 3 AM and I'm once again wide awake. I may have to contact my pdoc about this sooner than my appointment Friday. I had a decent night last night (only up once for about 45 minutes) but it's like I'm paying for that now. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't feel hypo. I may start alternating 12 and 9 mg Emsam patches to see if that's it but I really don't feel manicky. I feel anxious.


The only thing to worry about now is that we're seeing another house Sunday. My mom said no more until spring but this has several things we want and a great price so it's worth a look. It's not even open for visits yet and there aren't a lot of pictures on the real estate page so we'll see. I'm just tired of the moving/not moving roller coaster.


I'm maybe getting a little sleepy????? We'll see.

I woke up twice with kinda anxiety attacks. My dreams weren't nightmares. I can't even remember them. I took a valium and blew a bunch of stuff out of my nose so I could breathe again. I can smell better too. I'm just kinda blah right now and Spotify is acting up again and I have tried everything possible to fix it. Even updating my phone didn't work.

I'm still a bit anxious and my music really sucks now. I think I'll just need to get a new phone. Mine is 3 years old and

I've been up for HOURS and the sun is just coming up! And now I have a sore on the tip of my tongue. I hope med person is here early, but it'll probably be in like four hours from now. There are too many songs in my head! because I'm hungry like the wooooollllllfffffff The mountains have snow! Mt Washington hiking season is over in my books. Over 30% of days on that bad boy involve hurricane force winds up to 231mph!

It's Saturday though, so travelling NB on any major highway is a no-no. Fk I made tea and it's probably too strong. I didn't sleep well though. I kept waking up and when I got up at 1am I was up for a loooong while.

I woke up feeling down today. I don't know if it's the lack of exercise because of having a pulled groin muscle which is taking forever to heal or what. I'm also having looping thoughts on a consistent basis that I find myself thinking every time I am not busy with something else. I am really hoping this is not the start of depression. I hope the day starts to get better.

I slept ok. All my meds
Plus klonopin knocked me out. Husband works
Today so
I’m going to my granny’s

I think the mania is gone