Bipolar Check-in #83

ugh my husband thinks hes more qulified abotu my meds than my dr thinsk to do google. fool my dr has been a dr longer than youve been alive!!!

I'm sorry Hailey.

I spent the day with a few friends. Well, two friends and one person who only talks to me when this group of people is together. It was nice to see them but also reminded me of how much I've pulled into myself lately. I'm not really sure what happened. I'm naturally a quiet person, but for some time now I've struggled with things to say when with people. My mind is completely blank and then, afterwards, I sometimes barely remember what we talked about even though I thought I was present. If I work hard to remember, I usually can, but it slips my mind pretty quickly.

I didn't get up as early as I wanted to today because I really needed to sleep, but that means I need to get a ton done tomorrow since I slept in and was at my friend's house all day. The end of first quarter is this week so there is a lot of grading, especially since they only give us a few days after the end of the quarter to submit final grades. They made our grades due during our fall break, which is right after the quarter ends.

My depression hasn't been to bad today but my anxiety is up, especially when I think about the week ahead.

Ugh. I think our fridge that looks like it hasn't been replaced since 1955 (slight exaggeration lol) is slowly dying. The light in it keeps on going off and then it feels like it stops cooling. Have to call the apartment manager on Monday about it. What a hassle. I hope they can fix it without needing to completely replace it. That would be such a pain in the a*s.

Editing raspberry coming in: Oh, and my mom texted me out of nowhere. Fudgcicle. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about just not responding.

I’m feeling blue.

We went to visit my partner’s dad in hospital. He’s much the same.

Came home and put lessons up for my students even though I’m not going to be in tomorrow. I feel freaked out and I’m not sure why.

I can't sleep because of this dumb stomach pain and nausea. I took zofran and tylenol. my anxiety and moods are decent. I have a pdoc appointment at 3 on Monday and I'm not sure if I'll have an answer about another GI med by then. It depends on my pdoc. My GI doc is really on top of things.

I have some purplish red spots on the right side of my stomach too. I just picked one and it bled

I don't know what easy bleeding means but I checked my blood the other day with my pinkie feeling and the kleenex was pretty full of blood. Just from checking my blood.

My husband is asleep and I just wanna be loud and obnoxious like has while I’ve struggled with sleep since mania started in August. He knew I hadn’t slept and he’d still
Play music when he woke up or turn the tv on loud and ignore is alarms abd is have to keep waking him up which means I was awake for the day st6 am rather than at my alarm at 8am.

Now my body’s so used to his damn alarms he ignores I’m awake at z6 am daily while he sleeps

Doing fine.

Hoping people come to the Personality Disorder forum. That's more my struggle at the moment, since Seroquel has helped immensely as an addition to my 400 of lamictal

Still having racing thoughts. I hate this.

Well, happy Sunday. Unsure exactly what you're going through, but it's nice that all of us on earth are here together. A chaotic era for us all. Tomorrow could be the best day ever, and there's only one way to find out.

B E Z ☮️

Good morning. I slept decently, got 7 hours. It’s not my ideal I tend to do better on like 9 hours but it’s a ton better than nothing. I had to get up early and start getting ready because I have my volunteer shift today with the rescue cats.

I’m enjoying my new earbuds. And tablet.

I’m trying to make more of a night routine so I have an easier time sleeping. Like reading or listening to an audiobook for an hour before bed instead of scrolling on my phone cause that ends up keeping me wide awake.

So far today I took a shower, ate breakfast, took out the trash and took my morning meds and brushed my teeth. Now I’m just enjoying some coffee and music till I have to go get the bus in an hour and a half to get to my volunteer shift.

I printed out a reference pic of a character I’m trying to draw, so I might try to draw a bit later. That’s about all that’s going on today.

I finally caved in and took that new med. Then I was out like a light from 1-7:20. I feel ok right now. I'm not groggy and I'm not having any side effects from it. I told my mom I took it and and that my pdoc was just being a horses ***. She thought that was funny and figured I need something until I can get something else prescribed. I'm going to get some Pepto Bismol capsulses from Walgreens. Those work decently for nausea.

Overall I'm ok today and my energy levels are decent and my anxiety and moods are fine.

Still having racing thoughts. I put away dishes, showered, put away groceries. I still need to have breakfast though my appetite is not really there. Probably because I still didn't exercise today. I don't want to make my pulled groin muscle worse. It may be slightly better today, well after taking Tylenol I seem to have less pain than yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow or Tuesday I can take a short walk around the block.

It’s a beautiful day today. I’ve been outside enjoying some sunshine and fresh air.

I had an appointment with my psychiatric NP. I’ve gone back up in dosage on the Clonazepam. Not only does it help with my generalized anxiety disorder but it takes some of the stress off taking care of an 89 year old woman with pronounced dementia. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. It can just get a bit stressful.

I ran into the serotonin syndrome that my NP warned me about. Thoroughly unpleasant. She wanted me to go to the ER. No thank you. I slept most of it off and it was gone in 48 hours. We’ve decreased my AD now. I’m using my sunlamp more frequently instead.

Savoring October - my favorite month. Making fall recipes, using lots of pumpkin flavor and decorating for fall.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

You have to talk with your husband about these things.

My wife used to do the same with ignoring alarms, playing videos etc. It's much better since we talked.

Don't make it confrontational, just start by saying that we need to talk about alarms and videos and take it from there.

Had a good volunteer shift , waiting for the bus to go home now

Had a wonderful sleep, some wild wacky dreams, too. Oh I love dreaming. I did take two ambien. I’ll run out early at this point but I see my pdoc Wednesday. T- 3 countdown. I’m am much less irritable getting better sleep. I still don’t mix with people as much as I once did.

Today is show and refill day. I must say I’m really hungry for pancakes. Maybe I’ll go to the pancake place.

Went to a famous diner with a friend I hadn’t seen for months because she had strep then mono. The food was good but nothing special- I had corned beef hash that had hash browns in it with sunny side up eggs and toast. Edible but not the best ever. Now I’m feeling lonely. Cat next to me. It’s nice to pet her.

Should I get a winter beanie that says FREAK on it or one that has red cat ears and safety pins? I have to pick one. Neither is not an option. Haha. So you can't say neither. I would just get both, but I'm not made of money here.

For reference: I really am a freak (lol) and I have a lot of black clothes (well... ALL black clothes) and a lot of them have red on them and I have black and red bracelets and black and red fingerless wrist warmers.

Husband suggested I take a black marker to the discolored spots on the buttons on my new winter coat.

Having another lazy day. Really need to get my booty in gear and get in the shower and clean the apartment. Say no... TO FLEAS!!! Little bastards. I think we're winning the war. I haven't gotten a flea bite in days. Yay!

Ended up texting my mom back. Sigh. Sent her a picture of daughter and I together, then a pic of all three of us, then a pic of just Husband and I with 💕. She hates my husband. I'm sure that pissed her off. She hasn't responded. She didn't ask how he was doing. Just Daughter and I.

The picture is really funny though because Daughter is so much taller than me (she's 5'5" already and I'm just barely 5'3").

Not inviting my parents over for Daughter's 13th birthday on Thursday. They trigger me so much. I have complete shut down whenever I'm with them, and my mom and Husband's mom would NOT get along. I've disowned myself. I'm sure my parents are blaming everything on my husband, but it's me. I don't want to see them. You trash my husband, the love of my life, the one who has stood by me through everything miraculously enough, my best friend, the father of my child..... FUKK YOU.

I was thinking of getting a hoodie that said
Depressed
Bored
Horny

I need to get my own *** in the shower. I have therapy at 10 tommorow and a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I don't want to take a shower 2 days in a row.