Bipolar Check-in #83

@BeyondtheRainbow

I can't even see the orange one's FACE without getting triggered, much less hearing him speak. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be traumatized as well!

@MuddyBoots

I didn't realize fruit was so bad for you! I'm a fruit junkie. All I ate today was fruit. I'll have to stay away from it from now on.

I finished my drawing. I mostly avoided social media and the internet in general today, I just want to enjoy my life without being bombarded by politcal crap 24/7. I just want to focus on what I can control in my own life here in the present and be mindful and grounded, not panicking.

Anyway I did a doordash order tonight, my delivery guy was really nice. I got some coffee. Mustachio is laying at the end of my bed right now. Mocha is in his own little bed sleeping.

I bought a nice new sketchbook. It arrives this weekend. Excited to start using it.

Great picture @Blue_Bird!

I'm just living off the grid again like I did when covid was bad. I binge watched reality TV all day. I don't think I've been this unsettled since covid got bad in April 2020.

I got this new anti nausea OTC called emeteyl or something. But its a liquid walgreens brand. It worked so well my nausea is gone and my stomach is fine. I'm also not coughing or dealing with post nasil drip. So the steroid is working.

So physically I feel a lot better. And this nausea stuff doesn't make me anxious like Zofran or tired and hungry like Dramanine. I didn't actually eat much today because everything needed to be cooked

The evail really helps me with me focus too. But I wish I could get that commercial out of my head. Like I am scared to turn on anything with poltical ads.

Thank you! I’ve been practicing a lot and I think my drawing ability has improved recently

I have a feeling I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. My bad for hyping myself up on caffeine this late (it’s 11:30pm and I just had 2 cups). So I think it’s gonna be an all nighter tonight then reset my sleep schedule tomorrow night.

Tomorrow I need to take a walk to the store to buy some household essentials. Also gonna practice violin. Work on art. Get on the treadmill. Shower. And vacuum my apartment. Same things on Sunday cause I do my essentials trip in multiple trips cause I have to carry heavy things like cat litter and stuff pretty far back to my apartment. So another trip to the store that day plus a trip to the grocery store. Violin, art, shower, meal prep some of the food I bought, clean my entire apartment and do laundry. That’s the weekend plans. Monday I have an appointment. Tuesday I’m going to vote.

I like to stay busy otherwise I get bored and restless

I slept 7 hours straight without waking up in stomach pain or coughing or getting sick. It was weird. I did have a lot of anxiety from missing my 1AM meds. So I took them and a valium. I'm starting to feel ok although I do feel unsettled still about things. I only have 3 doses left of the steroid. It really helped with the cough though.

I didn't really sleep. I layed down around 3am and when I looked back at the clock it was 4am , I think I just kind of layed there half asleep semi awake. So hopefully a better night of sleep tonight.

It's 6am now. I'm going to the store in a couple hours to buy household essentials. I also need to get socks and a new beanie hat for winter.

I'm just up listening to music right now, Nirvana.

Trying to come up with an idea of what to draw later, I'm not sure if I'm gonna pre plan something, do a still life, or sketch something entirely random from imagination. I'm probably not drawing till around 9:30am though once I get back from the store so I have time to think it over.

I need to practice scales today on the violin. The B flat major is probably the most difficult one so far for me, I need to work on that. But it's fun working on scales.

My mood is good. I'm just lacking sleep so I feel a little crappy physically. Hope you all have a great day!

Sometimes I feel like I've gotten nowhere in terms of my mental health but I think I have improved a ton over the years. I haven't been in the hospital in 7 years. I used to end up inpatient frequently with manic episodes, psychosis, and in general my day to day mental health is so much better than it used to be.

I attribute it to a good combo of meds, good coping skills, great psychiatrists, therapists, my day treatment program I was in for a few years taught me a lot too. I'm very thankful

At my appointment my therapist told me I should do some self reflection on my growth and how far I've come over the years as far as my mental health goes, and I realized I don't even remember a lot from my thirties when I was really sick, like I had a drunken black out or something! It's awful. It's like a whole ten years of my life is just wiped from my memory. I remember hardly anything from my daughter's childhood. It was just a bad ten years. It makes me sad. 😔

Oh, man I had a day yesterday.


This morning, I feel like a truck ran me over even though I slept for 10 hr. I'm just taking it easy today, skipping pilates and just relaxing.

Did the one you take have more CBD in it or THC? The ones my husband got from his coworker have more CBD. Sorry to hear about your panic attack. That really sucks.

I don’t know. I got it from a friend. Bad decision! Just glad I feel better mentally at least!

I'm happy you feel better too! The first time I smoked it, it gave me a bad panic attack that lasted HOURS. I felt like I was dying! Whenever I smoke it, I have to ward off feelings of panic and paranoia, but I think it all depends on the strain. CBD seems to be nicer for anxiety.

I’ve been cleaning obsessively all day today even though I haven’t slept and am kind of also exhausted. I can’t seem to stop. Every time I sit down I get back up and start doing something else

I just want to sleep but I can’t sit still, keep pacing and cleaning

Are you feeling a little manic?

You've been doing an awful lot as of late!

@raspberrytorte fruit isn't bad for you, it's just one of those things you don't want to overdo. Like I said, the sugar isn't processed/refined like in candy and it breaks down slower, and there is a lot of other good stuff in various fruits too

I woke up every hour eek. I’ve been on my iPad since 3am. It’s 4am. Can’t sleep for anything. I’ve been researching counselling courses. The one that looks most viable has 160 work placement. How am I meant to do that if I teach full time.

We’re looking at going away in December and wanted to take our dog with us but all the places are saying no pets. I think my partner is going to have to book our Labrador in to boarding kennels.

@Blueberrybook, Yeah, even when I self identified as a stoner, I wouldn’t typically do edibles because they take longer to kick in, but when they do it’s hard and lasts too long. Not as much dose control, and it’s not like you can take a hit, say “I don’t like this strain,” and not continue to have it breakdown in your system for seemingly forever.

At this point I do find myself in situations where people have weed around (from out of state dispensaries thank God for Maine for not having Sununu for governor), and I get tempted until I see something like 23.7% THC. I know that’s going to leave me pacing around thinking I’m gonna stop breathing at any minute.

Somebody save me I’m in a car with my mom and she’s driving 😂 She’s such an anxious driver which is understandable, but after a point I think anxiety turns people into worse drivers (little bit is good obviously).

My team was supposed to give me some resources for paying for school on Tuesday. Still haven’t gotten any of that and med person said she’ll just email it in half an hour. That was 4 hours ago