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Nammu
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Default Yesterday at 06:53 PM
  #81
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Originally Posted by LadyShadow View Post
Things have been really crazy, and now I am not sleeping and getting headaches. Cutting my best friend out of my life hurt A LOT more than I thought it would. I have such bad anger issues, and I do lash out at people if I feel I was wronged - have done it in the past and lost good friends because of it too, you would think I would learn. *Shrugs* Anyway, it is affecting me a lot, my heart feels broken, even though she is the one who wronged me, but I feel I should have handled it better.

Yesterday was completely nuts. Went to work in Raleigh, then checked into a hotel downtown, (it was so nice but I didn't get to enjoy it because I was hardly there) - I stayed overnight because my friend was getting an award for her service work in recovery and helping women in the justice system - I was there to support her and got her a gift - It was a big banquet/benefit/fundraiser - pretty fancy, but I was feeling unsatisfied and very on edge. I don't like driving at night especially downtown, it feels too much like Manhattan, and what do you know, a crazy driver almost hit me not once but TWICE! It was Saturday night so I am figuring some kind of impairment was involved, but scary, nonetheless. Had to have my wits about me and practice all that defensive driving I learned from living among all those crazy drivers in NYC, lol.

I haven't been sleeping either. Every night I am being woken up at around 3-4am and can't go back to sleep, even with my CPAP. It's really bad. I need to do something, maybe have a conversation with my pdoc. Mood is up and down, but I think that's due to the lack of sleep.

@raspberrytorte - I am going to jump on the CAT HAT bandwagon - I think it would be so cute on you - @Blueberrybook - hydroxyzine does wonders for me with the racing thoughts, maybe you should take it a little more often if it helps, I am sorry that you've been struggling with it.

I really miss posting more often, but I haven't really been home the past two weekends - life is busy, which is a blessing, but sometimes I think I just need rest.

Big hugs to those who need one today.

Bipolar Check-in #83
Do check in with your pdoc. You went down on so many meds quite fast. Even if you have to go back up on some of them temporarily it ok. You’re still miles better than you were a couple years ago! Hold on to that.

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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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Default Yesterday at 07:22 PM
  #82
I felt like I was having a heart attack because of stomach cramps and heartburn so I took my blood pressure and it was 134/92. I'm trying to relax. I sent 2 kinda frantic emails to my therapist. She hasn't responded. Maybe she is busy with her client having surgery tommorow. Or shes just trying to relax on a Sunday.

But idk I kinda want to go to the ER to get checked out. I also think I may have effed around with my Geodon and taken one at midnight and then one at 9AM. So I guess I'd need my Geodon in a bit.

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Default Yesterday at 08:02 PM
  #83
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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
sooo nauseous
Hope you feel better, those are some scary symptoms.

When i had my stroke thing, i dialed 9111 and had to take apart my effing phone to reset it, which is even harder to do when your effed up. JHC. So doobie careful.
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Default Yesterday at 08:18 PM
  #84
Just such anxiety today I feel paralysed almost
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Default Yesterday at 08:56 PM
  #85
@raspberrytorte Your last post is in the questions thread instead of this one. I tried to tag you there but I had a typo and it won't correctly tag you for some reason.


Just wanted you to know why you aren't getting responses.

The cat hat is the exact right choice!

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Default Yesterday at 09:48 PM
  #86
My good friend who has been talking with me every day has stopped responding when I told him about my friend with benefits and how he’s no good for me emotionally and that we had a text argument today. But the good friend is married so wtf?

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Default Yesterday at 09:56 PM
  #87
I got an article from a medical newsletter I get today that said they are meeting next month to consider changing the clozaril situation by doing a few things like revising the messed up computer system and maybe ending blood tests after 2 years. That would be lovely. It's part of my routine now and that's fine but I would love to stop. More than anything I wish they'd stop the ridiculous REMS that messes up confusion so much. I have to deal with that this week or I'll be out of meds. My pdoc has been out for Rosh Hosannah and so not only did she not respond to my last question but I'll be on the bottom of the pile after that. Which means another week of pestering her secretary. Not having to deal with that would be great.


It also said that people on APs in general are at higher risk and should have all vaccines: COVID boosters, flu, DTaP, etc.

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Default Yesterday at 10:06 PM
  #88
I was able to play some catch up after not getting much done yesterday. I didn't get quite all the grading done I wanted to, but over half of it is complete.

I've noticed a switch in my day to day emotions routine. For a week of so, I was waking up feeling pretty depressed, would feel okay during the day, and by the evening and night I was feeling pretty good (to the point where I was worried about hypomania). Now, in the past few days, I feel depressed in the evenings too. and more numb on and off throughout the day. And, feeling more overwhelmed/anxious over the last half a week to one week.

My guess is these emotions are just general emotional stuff and not bipolar related.

Time to go put my laundry away so I can actually sleep on my bed. I dumped it all on my bed so I'd have no choice but to put it away since it's clean clothes from Friday.

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Default Yesterday at 10:19 PM
  #89
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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
@raspberrytorte Your last post is in the questions thread instead of this one. I tried to tag you there but I had a typo and it won't correctly tag you for some reason.


Just wanted you to know why you aren't getting responses.

The cat hat is the exact right choice!
Oh. Oops. 😬 I'll just delete my post in there then and try to reconstruct it in this thread.

I'm actually getting both. 😊 I will be both kitty and freak this winter, depending on what mood I am in. Husband recommended it. Lol. Yippie!

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Default Yesterday at 10:36 PM
  #90
Anyway, so in my misplaced post I was saying that I was doing some latuda research online and reading reviews on it, and all the reviews I read were really negative. Now I'm scared to try it! Someone said they developed Parkinson's from it. 😱 And everyone was saying they got akathisia.

I don't want Parkinson's. I don't want akathisia! I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm going to be blunt and I apologize in advance for not putting a trigger button, but I want to be able to have a damm orgasm again!!!! But I also don't want to fall into a deep depression. Ugh. Gotta talk to scary psychiatrist lady. At least my therapist will be there with me! And I plan on making a list of everything I want to talk about.

One of my husband's mom's dogs died today, so Husband is bringing her corpse to the vet with his mom tomorrow morning before our cat's vet appointment, and then right away after that is my psychiatrist appointment. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Oh my god.

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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous

The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token

"I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous
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Default Yesterday at 11:05 PM
  #91
My mother rang me on WhatsApp. She lives in America. It was a good pick me up. I had been lying in bed until 2:00 when she convinced me to go shower. I picked up a few of my sons toys too that were lying around. I feel a bit better but still a bit sad and anxious.
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Nammu
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Default Today at 02:43 AM
  #92
Not sleeping tonight. Really want too, but can’t. So frustrating

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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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Default Today at 03:48 AM
  #93
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyShadow View Post
Things have been really crazy, and now I am not sleeping and getting headaches. Cutting my best friend out of my life hurt A LOT more than I thought it would. I have such bad anger issues, and I do lash out at people if I feel I was wronged - have done it in the past and lost good friends because of it too, you would think I would learn. *Shrugs* Anyway, it is affecting me a lot, my heart feels broken, even though she is the one who wronged me, but I feel I should have handled it better.

Yesterday was completely nuts. Went to work in Raleigh, then checked into a hotel downtown, (it was so nice but I didn't get to enjoy it because I was hardly there) - I stayed overnight because my friend was getting an award for her service work in recovery and helping women in the justice system - I was there to support her and got her a gift - It was a big banquet/benefit/fundraiser - pretty fancy, but I was feeling unsatisfied and very on edge. I don't like driving at night especially downtown, it feels too much like Manhattan, and what do you know, a crazy driver almost hit me not once but TWICE! It was Saturday night so I am figuring some kind of impairment was involved, but scary, nonetheless. Had to have my wits about me and practice all that defensive driving I learned from living among all those crazy drivers in NYC, lol.

I haven't been sleeping either. Every night I am being woken up at around 3-4am and can't go back to sleep, even with my CPAP. It's really bad. I need to do something, maybe have a conversation with my pdoc. Mood is up and down, but I think that's due to the lack of sleep.

@raspberrytorte - I am going to jump on the CAT HAT bandwagon - I think it would be so cute on you - @Blueberrybook - hydroxyzine does wonders for me with the racing thoughts, maybe you should take it a little more often if it helps, I am sorry that you've been struggling with it.

I really miss posting more often, but I haven't really been home the past two weekends - life is busy, which is a blessing, but sometimes I think I just need rest.

Big hugs to those who need one today.

Bipolar Check-in #83
Am sorry that you have to go through so much!

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Default Today at 04:15 AM
  #94
I feel angry with myself for letting depression grow!

I am on a new medication for diabetes and I think it fools with my psyche, so I need to be aware of that as well.

Some weeks ago (still summer) we had some bad weather and I became depressed by the weather change. I fell out of my practice with using routines. Now I am here, struggling.

I need to continue to make routines, but the problem is that I don't feel for it. I used the whole summer trying to build up my physical health and to keep my good routines! Think it was a shock to find out that only a few days of bad weather could rip that apart. I must have given myself up, like "whatever I do, it doesn't matter".

I need to turn this thinking around and start again, building routines one step at the time. Self blame is of no use!

First thing to do now, is to go out for a walk!

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Default Today at 06:14 AM
  #95
I am FREAKING OUT right now about my mom. What am I going to do when my parents get really, REALLY old and DIE?! UGH. I don't want anything to do with it. I wish my mom and I could talk things out but there's no reasoning with her. She's right. I'm wrong. She's a BULLY. She's a NARCISSIST, and I'm the black sheep of the family.

I really hope they changed their will and made my sister the primary beneficiary for when they die. My sister actually gets along with them. She hangs out with them. She gets drunk with them. I'm the fukk up because I married a man who played in metal bands, has tattoos, and was supposedly going to beat me and turn me on to drugs (I've never done any drugs, besides the occasional weed in my late twenties). My mom literally said to me, "If he beats you, you can come back home."

WHAT THE FUKK MOM.

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"I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous
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Default Today at 06:32 AM
  #96
I slept really good. My stomach issues are gone and all I took last night were 2 pepto bismol tablets. My anxiety and energy levels are a lot better too. I know I typically feel this way in the morning before crashing around noon. But I actually do feel good this morning. I have therapy in a bit and she did send me an email last night saying she hoped I feel better. I see my pdoc at 3:15. I think he'll just talk to me about the GI stuff since my psych meds seem to be ok. But hopefully he has talked to my GI doc by then.

I forgot about taking a shower since I felt so sick yesterday. I'll get in in a bit.

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