Bipolar Check-in #84

@Blueberrybook yeah you’re right. I ended up cutting out the 30 minutes on the treadmill for today. I took a 3 hour nap which was nice cause I only slept 6 hours last night

My primary doctor is concerned that Vraylar and gabapentin combined are not a good combination- giving me liver issues- and the dizziness dry mouth, nausea, weight gain, high liver enzymes.
My liver doctor said if my liver enzymes continue to be this high it will cause scarring.

Been doing my typical Sunday, lazing around in my pjs and reading and watching tv. The Vikings are ahead but only by 13 pts at halftime, it’s anybody’s game.

I have a potluck at 5 and I’m bringing spinach popovers. So at 3:45 got to start the oven so it’s ready. Also need to call around and ask to borrow cookie sheets. I got rid of mine and didn’t know I was cooking anymore. I had no clue I was going to be so involved with the building activity. Yay, me!

Got my meds all sorted for the week. Took a shower just now so I’m spiffy for the potluck. This one is my birthday celebration. Linda and another lady all have our birthdays this month. Linda and I are the same day, which unfortunately fall on thanksgiving this year. Growing up it was always uncomfortable to have my birthday on thanksgiving as we always got together with relatives and everyone made a big production of it. I didn’t like being the center of attention.

I finally vacuumed! And I cleaned the kitchen and both bathrooms! Ugh, I HATE cleaning SO much, but I'm glad it's done!

Now, I can read without intrusive thoughts about how much I should be cleaning. I have a new mystery to start, and it's overcast with a chance of rain, perfect weather for a mystery. If only it were not 80F outside so I could snuggle up with a hot drink while reading as well!

Been a low key day. The sun is already outta here. Been working on my calendar. I did this really cool thing in photoshop but then the stupid computer said "nope, I don't support this" and ended that. Didn't save, so, yeah. Nice. Maybe tomorrow I'll remember what I did. Almost dinner and I hate ittttttttt

I've had more energy lately, and I've been able to concentrate a lot better. I wonder if my old stomach med was causing issues. I've been able to focus on a new TV show. Also I finished organzing my closet and I walked on my treadmill for 23 minutes. I used the heating pad right after so my side is ok. I legit think I'm just severely out of shape because all the moving around I did yesterday and today has helped out my pain a lot. Plus the new med and the pepcid is helping my nausea

I looked up this girl on Facebook who was so creepy who started copying me. Like brands of clothes I wore, and she started eating international chocolate and she would post the same posts after I posted them. Just super creepy things. In the profile picture she recently posted she is wearing a T shirt that is a brand she copied off me.

She has a huge rack though lol.

My pnurse doesn’t return until the 25th. I don’t know if I can make it that long.

@Moose72 Can you see someone else? I know this varies; it would be hard for me to get in with anyone else where I go but I don't think most places are as strict as where I go/who my pdoc trusts with her patients (if I saw someone else it would probably be a resident).

Have you been on other anti-seizure/mood stabilizers like trileptal, tegretol, depakote, topirimate? I was even on Keppra once although that was a long time ago and I've never heard of anyone else trying it. But if you are running out of options it's worth bringing up as a last ditch thing. Before I went on clozaril we went through absolutely every drug possible to see if they'd work instead and still be safe for me. ECT was considered but they decided I wasn't a good candidate at the time. I don't remember why. But I do understand the feeling of "what now?" and I went through a few weeks of that with my pdoc on vacation.

About a month ago my Pdoc and I spent an hour going over the results from the genesight genetic testing which tells you which psych drugs you’ll react to and which you won’t. That still showed some in the can take column which I had horrible reactions to like Invega and severe akathisia. We went through my records and analyzed each med I’ve been on one by one and the reasons I they were dis continued. Lots of meds I had never taken had urinary retention as a side effect which I’ve had twice to two separate med. This requires emergency care and a catheter for a week and hoping you can pee when they finally take the catheter out. I will react to Clozeril so that’s out. I’ve tried or eliminated every psych drug out there. Vraylar and gabapentin were my last chance. But now my liver enzymes jumped way up and I had all those side effects to gabapentin this past week. Still not feeling right on 100s - dry mouth and diarrhea and dizziness like with the 300s. Pdoc is the only one who knows all this besides my case manager and my primary so seeing another Pdoc wouldn’t work. I see Pdoc on the 25th. She’s been out of the office for 3 weeks and it’s hard dealing with her temporary replacement via phone filtered through clinical coverage workers. Pdoc said that if Vraylar and gabapentin don’t work out well have to seriously consider ECT. My primary doctor saw me yesterday and called me today and is very concerned. She is going to contact my liver doctor as my liver doctor said staying on this regimen could cause scarring/ cirrhosis. So yeah. I think I’m going to have to try ECT..

I had more hypomanic symptoms today-extreme irritability. Yesterday and today the symptoms haven't lasted all day so I'm going back and forth about whether I should take an extra .5 mg of risperidone tonight. If I didn't work with kids, I'd for sure wait another day or two to see what happens. But, I hate it when extreme irritability hits when I'm with them. And, with how tense things are at work, hypomanic irritability kicking in while I'm there could lead to me saying something I'd regret.

I had a nice time at the dog shelter today. Worked on laundry and spent some time with two dogs. The first one I took outside just wanted me to pet him most of the time. The second one took a tiny bit to warm up to me, but was full of energy. He seemed pretty happy when he got to chase a bird.

i was paralyzed with anixety all monring today. now im playing catch up

When does your semester end @HALLIEBETH87 ? My mom's is starting to wind down (but she's on this weird 2 8 week semesters for grad students in one normal semester. Makes no sense to me but I'm definitely not a college president ).

I had a lousy day except for getting in a shower i was overdue for. I can't diet. My mild depression is already so unpleasant, i can't add to it. Now i have all these raw veg i won't eat. I took a planned day off exercise. Sunday is a good day to rest. Not sure what the future holds.

Hugs to all in need!

I kinda want to message my pdoc and tell him I'm depressed. But I don't want him to call him 911. Plus he replied on Friday anyways.

And I was doing fine until I was lying down and I started feeling funny. So its probably just crap night stuff again.



Its just this effing peanut butter thought I have running through my head thats gonna destroy me eventually.

I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself. Wondering why the principal hasn’t responded to an email about class allotments I sent on Friday. Surely he’s not expecting me to teach those rug rats again next year. I’m really hoping best case scenario it was a mere harmless oversight but his lack of response has me wondering if it’s going to stay. I just can’t teach them again. I can’t put up with chairs being thrown across the classroom. Period. I’ll have another meltdown and time off work…

@Moose72

You will make it until the 25th. You are STRONG. 💪 💪 Sorry to hear the gabapentin didn't work out. And about your liver issues. That sucks man. How do you feel about getting ECT?