Bipolar Check-in #84

Back hurt worse this morning that plus getting up way too early for weeks and my cpap mask being broken made me want to sleep in. I didn’t get up until 1! My back hurt really bad so I put on a lidocaine patch. I’m just feeling like not doing anything. I did go get my correct cpap supplies from my mom’s but they didn’t include the return postage. I’m hoping it comes separately. I really need to take the garbage out and do laundry.

Oh, bummer! I’m gonna have to get up in the morning because the workmen will be coming. I was hoping they’d be early and come this afternoon but no luck. So I’ll have to set the alarm. Can’t take a shower or anything not knowing when they’ll pop up. They start at 7 am. They start where they left off but I don’t know where they left off. According to the schedule they start my floor in the morning but they don’t say which end the start with or if they go by numbers. So I gotta be ready for them at any time.

Slept great last night, hope to again. Intense interesting dreams again.

Getting pressure to go down and play poker but haven’t wanted to lately. It’s just not as fun anymore. D invited these two guys to join us but they don’t get poker so it’s turned into a chore. Always having to explain over and over again. Might go down at 7:30 when they play a different game.

Staying on track with my 1 and a half dose seems best. Guess I’ll have to buy two more weekly boxes and do them two weeks at a time.

We got in with extra security deposit. Now we have to see if they accept our moving assistance. And everything.

I’m still feeling pretty crappy. Normally vaccines don’t affect me much. Idk I’m just ready to go to sleep later, exhausted. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I’ll feel better.

I’m not in the mood to make anything to eat so I’m eating some of that cake for dinner later. The day is dragging by. I just want to go to sleep already.

The patch came off for some reason. It was about time for it to come off anyway. So I took a muscle relaxer. So good with those. I only take one a day so I don’t get urinary retention. I set up my new cpap supplies. Easy! Did my laundry. Didn’t take the garbage out but I did take it out of the garbage can. My cat is laying next to me purring. She’s a very friendly purry kitty. I should get some great sleep with my new cpap supplies. Think I’ll go wash my hair.That should help me feel better. Edit: Hair washed and used some biotene for my dry mouth. Feeling refreshed! I added a pic of Ariel to my signature.

I had a stomach ache today. It might have been all the unfamiliar food yesterday. Late this afternoon i took painkiller and had some crackers and plain cereal and i'm feeling a lot better. This was my first unplanned day off exercise in a week and a half but there was just no way i could do it today. Hope for a better day tomorrow!

Hugs to all in need!



@Blue_Bird:

I'm so sorry you have to rely on a food pantry. It sounds like a real ordeal, so give yourself a break and enjoy your cake for dinner and have sweet dreams!

Got my septum pierced tonight. It hurt like a *beep*. Lol. Beforehand Daughter was all like, "You're going to look really weird!", and I was like, "I don't give a FUUUUUUKK!!!" HAHAHAHA. Piercer was really nice. I'm going back at the end of January to get new jewelry put in.

Appointments with my psychiatrist and therapist went well. Talked with my psychiatrist about my ongoing sertraline situation, and she was like, "I can add a small dose of wellbutrin. That helps some people. Do you want to do that?" And I was like, "YES!!!!" Hopefully it helps. The pharmacy still hasn't filled it, so I haven't gotten it yet. I'll probably get it tomorrow afternoon.

Oh, and I'm feeling much better. I think I need to stay AWAY from edibles.

Where is @LadyShadow?

i have an A - in one class and a 95 in research today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I was wondering the same thing!

I sent her a PM days ago but haven't heard anything. I hope she's ok.

@halliebeth87 Congratulations! You'll be done with the semester before you know it. (this from someone who counted down days until the end of grad school for about 600 days )

It is an ordeal going there. It’s okay though. I’m lucky in that it’s across the street from me and they have lots of really good stuff. You get fresh frozen meat (chicken, beef, fish, turkey your choice) , eggs, milk, yogurts, cheese, canned food/fruit/veggies , I got some eggnog today, pantry staples , food grocery stores donate which is a lot of good stuff like their to go meals, frozen pizzas, subs etc . I got some spaghetti and meatballs today I think donated from Hannaford. Got coffee Starbucks kcups for keurig, the whole sheet cake, some other treats. They have a huge variety of stuff, plus as much bread products as you want, fresh veggies and fruits (today I got lettuce, potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, cilantro, raspberries, strawberries, apples, and fresh cranberries). One thing about living in NY is the food pantries tend to be really good since there’s a lot of donations from grocery stores and other places in the community. A lot of help/assistance for people with low income. Oh and I got jelly and peanut butter too. They have a huge dessert tables with tons of really nice desserts you can choose from. That’s where I got the cake.

I cut up the strawberries and froze them with the raspberries for smoothie ingredients so I don’t have to worry about them going bad. Froze the cranberries too until I decide what to do with them.

I do get food stamps but it’s not enough to live on with how high grocery prices are now. So I supplement my grocery budget with 1-2 food pantry trips a month.

Oh and they have pet food usually. So if you have a dog or cat they can give you cat or dog food and sometimes they have cat litter too. Today I got 3 cans of cat food from them for my cat

Me too. I know she said she took on a second job.

Oh yeah and everyone in my building gets a turkey basket which is basically a huge box with an entire turkey you can bake and all the stuff to make sides like stuffing mix, potatoes, cranberry sauce, carrots, onions, apples, canned stuff etc I get that next week. They give it to us a few days before thanksgiving so we can thaw our turkeys in time to cook them

@Blue_Bird:

That all sounds wonderful! So glad you have such good support in NY! I live in a generous city too. Heartwarming!

The on-call dr is calling me back within 30 minutes.

I've been having a really hard time sleeping the last several nights. When I took my meds tonight I realized that I had put the 50 mg of clozaril in my pill box but not the 200 mg so I've been low for the last 3 nights, 2 of them with badly disrupted sleep. I also only had 2 days worth of clozaril before I'm out. I really, really hope this is the month that refills go smoothly. It's been bad the last few months. Last month I got within a few days of running out. I never let refills go until I am low because it often takes days to get it done. But I have been sick and distracted and depressed and I just messed up. I guess I'm due. At least I should sleep through the night tonight. I have been blaming my SAD lamp settings being too high for not sleeping. Good to know that with my proper AP dosage I probably can go back up.


I just hope they fill the clozaril tomorrow. That would mean they didn't lose my labs, don't have trouble getting into the computer system and that my doctor has done everything right. It's not likely but it does happen occasionally.

@Crazy Hitch I'm sorry for your loss.

@Moose72 Cute cat!

@BeyondtheRainbow I'm sorry getting your refills is such a pain most of the time...


During these past few months, I've been noticing that I space out ALL the time. It had gotten better but, since I quit counseling, I think it has gotten a little worse again. I'm sure all my anxiety about the future (finances, seeing family over Thanksgiving break, and finding a new job) aren't helping. No wonder I have such a bad memory. There are a few situations where it happens more, but it really happens the entire day (including when I have students in my classroom/they are doing independent work so that's not great-it just makes me less present to them than I should be). I'm noticing myself pulling away from my emotions too. High anxiety about the future is just a little to much for my brain to handle I guess. Getting used to a more active/eventful lifestyle again also has me feeling overwhelmed. If I'm going to stay out of counseling, I've got to take steps to not completely pull away from myself (and others) though.

I did a zoom session tonight learning about different ways to get involved with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. The session was informative and I think I'll fill out a volunteer application to start discussions about opportunities that might be a good fit. Worst case scenario, it ends up not working out-no harm done in trying.

My partner and I had a nice lunch on the beach. The weather is perfect. We then went to visit his mother. I gave her some flowers which she really appreciated and said they are beautiful. They are going to go make funeral arrangements on Sunday so I’ll have more of an idea of when the funeral is then.

I can't sleep so I'm looking at places to apply to work at. The link to the job I want to apply at isnt working. Theres a couple other places I'm looking at.

Literally was starting to fill out an application before I realized I'd probably piss off my mom because they would want me to work on black friday and we're traveling. She doesn't get that you just can't tell these places you have plans.

Therapist would probably get pissed at me too for sliding into a retail job during the holidays. I can't please anyone.

Elavil, dramamine, pepcid, and valium is a good combo though.

Talked with the on-call doctor about my concern of an interaction between my muscle relaxer and gabapentin. We talked about gabapentin and Vraylar and how my primary dr is concerned about their interaction. I told her about my reaction to invega in June. And that Vraylar has many of the same side effects. She said she’d send a note to my primary doctor and she’d see it tomorrow morning . The on-call dr said to stop the muscle relaxer and try the cream- it’s really for arthritis- . It’s an NSAID but it’s for the skin not systemic. Still, it had a warning about being on blood thinners and using it! My back does feel better almost immediately after using it but hopefully my primary dr will call today early and the on-call dr wrote good notes.

Edit not using the back cream. You can overdose on it and cause gi bleeding. It’s only meant for knees and wrists for arthritis and you’re not supposed to use it if you’re on blood thinners!

I slept good, woke up feeling a lot better. The vaccine side effects are gone now. Slept for about 7 1/2 hours. Today I need to walk to the library so I can print something. Then take a shower when I get back. Other than that the wreath making event is today in my building so I’m going to that. I feel good. Got up, ate breakfast, took my meds, washed my face, took out the trash, fed my cat, brushed my teeth. It’s chilly and pouring rain right now. It’s a really gloomy day. I like rainy days though. They feel cozy to me.

I’m looking forward to the potluck tomorrow.

I forgot about tax season coming up in January. I worked some of 2024 so I should get something back so that will be helpful.