Mental health center employees tracking me?

I've never seen their vehicles in my part of town, but yesterday there was one that went down the road with stickers and I thought "that car/those bumper stickers look familiar" and I saw it in the mental health center parking lot later, but they went a different/longer way (got there first because I had to get gas though). Today there was one with a vanity plate that I thought was cool and I stopped at the library before meds and they were there too. I kept my eye out because went on the road there was the same make/model as my pdoc's car but I couldn't quite see the color because of the sun and they went south past the exit. But this doesn't usually happen. Once I saw my case manager in a grocery store but that was in the population. I don't remember things too long so I don't know if those cars are the people I don't see/on other teams or if they are my team that just isn't my case manager or the one with the black car. Or if they switch like they switch names for anonymity.

Why are they doing this? Sometimes I can't wait at home to leave because it's boring if I'm ready early and maybe they want to see if I'm buying drugs? I want to...

Could it just be paranoia?

It would be odd for mental case workers to be tracking anyone, don't they have pretty full caseloads? I know my pdoc is so busy there is no way he'd have time to track anyone.

Yeah, but all it takes is "hey, have someone redirect their route to drive by ____ at 8:20am" I'm not even convinced it's one of my team's peeps, just people that work in the same building.

that's why they got pissed when I said I wanted to not die from depakote

I agree with Blueberry. Sounds like paranoia. Don’t think they have time for this sort of thing to be honest with you.

I guess it's not statistically impossible that three vehicles just coincidentally happened to be near me near my house right at the edge of the catchment zone 20 miles from the building "met" me in the parking lot later. Guess a lot of the people that work there went in late this week AND reside in the 10 mile rural stretch of road that would make that their commute. I wouldn't drive 20-30 miles one way to work at an underfunded community mental health center personally, but I guess there are at least three people doing it.

I agree with Blueberrybook and Crazy Hitch. I think you're having some paranoia.

The collective doesn't have time for one or two people to drive by, but three individuals have time to do that commute daily just because that would mean I'm "paranoid" instead of "aware"?

Do you have actual license plate numbers that you KNOW match up with members on your care team? And depending on the make/model of the car, some models & makes are a whole lot more popular than others. And vehicles only come in so many certain standard colors...I know in my area, practically every 2nd or 3rd person owns a Ford F-150 truck, usually in white or black. Now, if I saw a Subaru following me in this area, it's be a little more suss as they tend to be a lot harder to find around here.

I'm sorry, I really do think it's paranoia. Mental health care workers do not drive around following patients unless you have multiple care workers who also happen to be stalkers.

One was a distinct vanity plate that 100% matched, one the make/model and I think color (the sun made it hard to see) matched and I don't remember all the exact numbers but the pattern xxx xxxx matched and it started with a 5, and the other I didn't see plate, but it was same make/model/color and bumper stickers (a lot of happy preppy unicorn llama rainbow shyt)

they also didn't call back when I called the team's crisis line after I said some threatening stuff (it was some impulsive bs) and tomorrow the med nurse told me to stay home but come back next week, so something's up.

I'm not sure about metal health people, but I Suppose / Guess insurance folks could be interested in your whereabouts if you're considered "home bound" in order to receive benefits.

They’d not work for free. So I am not sure how they’d get paid? If it’s underfunded facility, how they find resources to pay not one, but three people for stalking a patient. How would they bill it? They’d also have to get mileage paid too and gas.

All good points...

They'd get paid the same way they do every other hour they're on the clock. They probably chose the people who are hated and can't hold work downfor other patients like a therapist whose clients quit after 4 sessions most and they're like, "eh, can't fire ya for another month, go down rt x at 8:15am on Thursday" I don't think every single employee has every single hour filled with important stuff.

Whatever. They're drugging me anyway. I don't remember doing drugs recently other than getting slightly buzzed off marijuana twice, but they imply I do so they must be the ones supplying something hard enough to make me orget 1/3 of the day every day...

I know I'm fked right now. I know. I don't eat a meal every day. I don't stay up for more than 5 hours straight every day. I watch tadpoles in the toilet after I vomit and talk to Jesus as he's walking through the walls. I'm missing extremely large chunks of time. Other people are using my empty brain to think and I don't like listen to them talk about what they do, but do I have a choice? no.

There is nothing I can do at this point unless I want to off myself, so... I'm not going to do anything.

Maybe they’d get paid for stalking. Or maybe they are salaried so they get paid the same if you work 8 or 14 hours a day. I only wonder about mileage. I know that every company pays mileage when you travel off premises so I am not sure how that would be covered. 20-30 miles one way is a long distance to travel to stalk a patient.

Regardless if they are stalking you or how they get paid, I hope you tell your team everything you are posting here so they know how unwell you are. Your meds definitely aren’t working. I hope you get the help you need

This is as good as it gets med wise. I have not been on an antipsychotic that didn't leave me wanting to swallow a kilo of potassium metal, lithium always gives me diabetes insipidus, I'm allergic to Tegretol, and the off label anticonvulsants have never helped (and I can't even take topamax or trileptal because my eating is so fked anyway).

I wonder...has your team considered ECT? Scary thought, but maybe??

I did about 20 or so rounds 8 years ago, but I had to go all the way down to Mass to get it, and the only benefit I got from it was enjoying the anesthesia and some nice pre-dawn drives down I93 (but those came with a lot of fights over finding people to take me there and back).

Is this self sabotage? You seem quite bound and determined to think the worse of your teem and finding reasons ( even outlandish reasons) to distrust them and quit treatment. You say you want to get a ticket to work. The first step is working with your team and telling them that you are paranoid and don’t trust them. Honesty.

Probably, yeah. I have been mostly honest though. Not specific, but I have told them I don't eat, have lost massive chunks of time, am irritable, am always nauseous, am paranoid, am hallucinating, and with enough time will not be able to complete the drive home after taking AM meds due to being pulled over or crashing. I didn't tell anyone about the two times I smoked weed (which I will tell my CM tomorrow, I wasn't hiding it, I just didn't really have a chance to tell anyone. My only contact with my team in two weeks has just been with the med nurse and that's five minutes at most, usually telling her a plan for the day.) and I haven't told them about how I had violent thoughts towards them that one day (which I don't feel they need to know, but like I said, they know I've had some irritability).

I made a list of stuff that's going on, and I know tomorrow I'll discuss it and my CM will just say I'm doing great because I'm still breathing, and she'll keep saying I look good despite until one day she doesn't and then they'll petition for an IEA. Because that's how it goes. Every time.