[MetalinMyHead]

I would like to try making a thread for myself to post to here, as I need/like.

Hi! I'm Metal! I named myself this one day when a metal band was playing in the bar below my apartment and it went on for 5 hours. lol I like metal, but not that much. I needed help and got a little support here.

Today, I'm feeling agitated/anxious/hypomanic, but also hopeful. And I want to share what's working for me:
- I try very hard to be productive and active every day. Even on depressed days, I try what I can. Sometimes that means I'm proud I brushed my teeth once in a day and ate a sandwich.
- To add to the above, I practice DBT's "mastery" as much as possible (which, I'm very scattered about hobbies and such - but I come back to things). This is where you work on things that are challenging, but you can become better at and master. I draw, paint, make crafts, cook and bake. It's like science-hacking myself. All those good-feeling chemicals really work when they work and I can't access them unless I try.
- I practice being kind to myself. I try to be better to myself than anyone was when I was a little girl! No one else will do it, so I can at least speak ok to myself. The difficult thing for me is the depression, when it comes, as well as the OCD. I have a lot of negative intrusive thoughts. It can be easy to let them consume my mood/feelings toward myself, but I say I "practice" because I've been practicing for so so long. A decade? It gets easier and works better as I go (sometimes by leaps I get better, other times it's slow or I slip back, but I keep trying).

Some ideas for the near future:
- Work toward cutting back caffeine (I'm starting with logging how much I consume).

What I'm struggling with:
- Not having benzos. I was taken off one for anxiety - had my last one in May 2025. :-( :-( :-( I was given another medication, but it brought on akathisia. I'm prone to it from my abilify. I did markedly better when I had the ativan in case my anxiety got out of control. I will talk to the new doctor about this.

Thanks for reading, y'all!

[bizi]