[ChinaCat]

So, all of my life I've been a "closet" Obsessive-Compulsive, or so I thought. What I thought were quirks, were really freaking people out. After years of serious depression/insomnia, SSRI's, sleeping pills, and now the recent death of my father (what a tailspin THAT has me into!), I finally see a PsychMD. He tells me that I am Bipolar II with hypomanic OCD episodes. That was a shocker! Although the OCD is always there, it flies off the charts during the hypomanic times. I'm reading the diagnostic criteria, and it's like I'm checking off a grocery list of my life. I'm 10 days into Lamictal, and 50mg Seroquel.
You guys can probably imagine what's going through this ill brain of mine, cause I'm guessing you've been there. Part of me is scared, and part of me feels like "Lock me up, already, just leave me alone". I'm just tired of feeling like garbage, and like I'm always going to feel this way. Any comments, advice, hell - even a dirty joke would help at this point.

[RozG]

Hi ChinaCat

I'm not much good with words so sorry if what I say offends you in any way.

You shouldn't feel like garbage coz you're NOT and you shouldn't be so down on yourself, you've had a rough time. You've seen a PsychMD and that's a great start. You're taking meds, another great start.

Just hang in there and take all the support and help you can get whether online or IRL.

Good luck to you and hope you start to feel better soon.

[Schatje]

Hang in there! It takes a while for the meds to right meds or for the meds you are on to kick in. It took me 10 or 11 weeks for the Lamictal to really take effect completely. It isn't easy what you are going through, but it can be controlled and you are on the right track to feeling much better.

I am bipolar II and was just diagnosed with OCD. I already knew I was OCD, but it was getting tough to deal with because I am having memory retrieval trouble as a side effect of the Lamictal (the memories are still there but it takes me extra time to access them).

I understand what you mean by quirks. I consider my obsessive list making and checking things to be quirks. Normally this doesn't get in my way too much although I can tell you many times it has gotten in the way considerably throughout the years from being unable to complete college because I was afraid to pick a major, to being anorexic and bulimic, to becoming so obsessed with a job or project that I forget everything and everyone around me.

On an everyday basis it is just an amplified practical and organizational practice for me. I run checklists constantly in my mind, double check or even triple check everything for mistakes (I can't handle making certain mistakes), it usually takes me at least 3 or 4 drafts of my grocery or errand list to satisfy me, and I become agitated if things don't look right.

I always thought I was just depressed, sometimes clinically depressed, until after my first son was born. It was then I found out that it wasn't normal to think that everyone was watching and judging you and not everyone stays up for days on end cleaning the house and scrapbooking. Go figure.

It was then that I was given the diagnosed of bipolar II and since then I found the right med for me. I had tried many different antidepressants starting when I was a teenager and nothing really seemed to work. This is because regular antidepressants don't do well for people with bipolar and can send some people with bipolar into a manic episode.

I have found that it has helped me greatly to finally get the diagnosis, once I got used to the idea of being bipolar, even if it was a bit of a shocker. Once diagnosed you are on your way to controlling your moods, obsessions, and compulsions and thusly feeling better all around.

I'm sorry I wrote you a book, but I hope it helps you feel less alone! Let us know how you do.

[ChinaCat]

Well said; both of you. All of it.....that's exactly it. Thank God SOMEONE gets it. Mind if I print those posts to take into my next appt.?

Thanks!