[ChefM]

First of all, hello, and thank you for taking the time to read my thread. I'm a new member as of today, and seeking some suggestions. My question is more for my younger sister than myself. She lives with my mother (several thousand miles away from me), who is bipolar, and is having a good bit of difficulty coping. She is a minor and so in a very real way can't get away from her situation, although she'll be turning 18 soon, and I thought it might do her some good (as it did for me when I was in her situation) to hear some suggestions from other people who have loved ones with bipolar disorder.

A little background - my mother started exhibiting signs of BPD in her early twenties. She had mostly manic episodes, although she would have severe bouts of depression that would last for days, some with her locking herself in her room and refusing to come out. When she became suicidal, she agreed to go to a treatment facility where they diagnosed her, and offered medication to help manage her symptoms. The medication worked well, so well that she decided after a time that she was healed, and no longer needed to take it, which of course caused the symptoms to come back. Some of the more alarming ones were the aggression and bouts of rage, many of which erupted into violence aimed at either myself or my sister (I don't know if she was old enough to remember). The physical abuse seemed to subside when I moved out of the house at age 13, there were many times in the midst of one of her beatings that she would explain that it was because I looked like my father, and she couldn't stand to be around me. Once I was gone, it seemed to me much more infrequent. The current dilemma is the emotional abuse. I know it's confusing to my sister, as it was to me when I was her age, and any tips you have for dealing with things would be much appreciated. My mother can be very kind and loving, and in a good mood, and if you touch on a topic (esp. religion) that can be considered a trigger, she instantly becomes very confrontational and combative, and can resort to insults about one's appearance or intelligence before erupting in tears. She is also hyper-religious, and believes herself to be a prophetess (or did a few years ago), and things that she says to be straight from the lips of God. She insists that my sister's relationship with God be shared with her, and that it involves all three of them, and will 'lecture' my sister for hours about things that she considers to be the truth. She also constantly presses her to spend time in prayer (for great lengths of time). She puts the blame for her poor financial situation and unhappiness on others, esp. her children/ex husband, and believes herself to be the victim of others' ill will and not her own irresponsibility.

I know things got a lot easier when I got out of the house and was able to put a healthy distance between us, but we could use some suggestions for how my sister can avoid conflict or at least deal with the emotional aftershock of it all. I know my sister feels trapped at times, and the stress of it all can cause her to be depressed and physically ill.

Thank you again for your time, it is much appreciated.

Chef M.

[madisgram]

welcome to pc, chef! love your avatar...as for your sister is she in therapy for her bipolar? is she on meds?
the reason i ask this is because therapy for her can help her learn healthy ways of dealing with your mom. plus i know for me that i needed the therapy, not just the meds, to re-start my life in a healthier way, learn tools of how to cope with my own mood swings, etc.
stress can also trigger her depressive side.
ok i'll check back to see if you reply. meanwhile we're gald you're here. it's a wonderful community of caring people.
oh yes, does she have access to a 'puter. you could suggest she join us too.

[ChefM]

Originally Posted by madisgram

welcome to pc, chef! love your avatar...as for your sister is she in therapy for her bipolar? is she on meds?
the reason i ask this is because therapy for her can help her learn healthy ways of dealing with your mom. plus i know for me that i needed the therapy, not just the meds, to re-start my life in a healthier way, learn tools of how to cope with my own mood swings, etc.
stress can also trigger her depressive side.
ok i'll check back to see if you reply. meanwhile we're gald you're here. it's a wonderful community of caring people.
oh yes, does she have access to a 'puter. you could suggest she join us too.

Thanks for the response

My mother is actually the one with bipolar disorder, she's not in therapy or taking medication currently, as she refuses to acknowledge her illness, as far as I know the violent episodes haven't been as frequent, and she tends to have more mania than depression, my sister, though not bipolar, is suffering some depression as a result of all the stress of living with my mother.

Sorry about the confusion!

I have extended an invitation for my sis to join, I think it'd be good for her

[madisgram]

sorry i got the bipolar part mixed up re your mom vs your sister. in your sister in school where she can take advantage of couseling there? i really feel she needs something one-on-one. however i'm glad to hear she may join us here, too. stay n touch and let us know how things are going, chef.

[skymonk]

Just be there for your sister as much as you can be&have her join PC&get a t. Your Mom sounds like she's really sick-it's unfortunate that she won't take meds or go to a t, but I know how that is being bipolar myself. How did you manage to get away from your mother at 13? Is it possible that your sister could do the same or come stay with you?
Mainly, just be there for her-listen, make a suggestion if you think it would help&let her know you don't like the situati0on she's in no more than she does&that you're concerned. Being validated in your feelings as she would be if you said those things to her(&meant them) is a lifesaving technique in itself-knowing you're not alone&that someone else has been through it to helps. My Mom isolated me so much I didn't know that her behavior was abnormal until I was 19&she'd kicked me out on to the street&my Dad wouldn't help me either. I had NO ONE&it really SUCKED. Being there for her is the best you can do-have you thought about contacting child protective services? Maybe they could get her away from your Mom&get her&yur Mom some help. Not saying any of this is easy-it's just what I would have wanted to hear when I was my Mom's victim&was starting to realize that I wasn't quite right myself.