A few years back during undiagnosed mania I got into an emotional/internet affair that totally put me through the highs and suicidal lows of my bp, undiagnosed for most of that time. 2 ups and 2 downs in one year.

I feel I've been pretty stable but here I am again on the internet, with an old bf, and it feels like we never were apart. It took less than a week for both of us to begin to relive old times. Only we are phys. apart. I thought the first time was mania, but now I wonder if I"m just susceptible to these guys and their pretty words. I'm married so this makes things that much harder cause I love my husband, I'm just not 'in love' with him. That part is complicated by our mil. lifestyle. too many separations.

I just don't get why I got into this again, I was so easily hooked and I really don't want to get out, despite the fact that the first one's ending nearly put an end to me. I"m too far into this now and I know I will get hurt when/if it ends. I just don't know that I"ll survive it twice and it scares me. On the other hand, I love this guy, I never stopped loving him for all these years. right now he's pretty much all I think about.

Mostly I just want to vent, I know all the things that 'should' be done. I just don't find myself ready to do it.
Thanks for listening.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by emomom

A few years back during undiagnosed mania I got into an emotional/internet affair that totally put me through the highs and suicidal lows of my bp, undiagnosed for most of that time. 2 ups and 2 downs in one year.

I feel I've been pretty stable but here I am again on the internet, with an old bf, and it feels like we never were apart. It took less than a week for both of us to begin to relive old times. Only we are phys. apart. I thought the first time was mania, but now I wonder if I"m just susceptible to these guys and their pretty words. I'm married so this makes things that much harder cause I love my husband, I'm just not 'in love' with him. That part is complicated by our mil. lifestyle. too many separations.

I just don't get why I got into this again, I was so easily hooked and I really don't want to get out, despite the fact that the first one's ending nearly put an end to me. I"m too far into this now and I know I will get hurt when/if it ends. I just don't know that I"ll survive it twice and it scares me. On the other hand, I love this guy, I never stopped loving him for all these years. right now he's pretty much all I think about.

Mostly I just want to vent, I know all the things that 'should' be done. I just don't find myself ready to do it.
Thanks for listening.

Thinking of you....you will make the right decision when you are ready.......keep talking

thank you!

[madisgram]

can u control the urge and not chat with this guy right now? it sounds like to me, jmho, that you feel a void in your life...the military stuff, etc. and with your hubby. it's just my thoughts but staying in contact with this guy only adds to the confusion and impairs what you really want to do. i hope that makes sense. at any rate i'm glad you posted and talked about it.