[ni33i]

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Things have not been going well for him lately and he's been hinting at suicide, but won't come out and say it. His therapy doesn't start for 5-6 more weeks and I don't want to report him suicidal because he will lose his job. I don't know if he's researched what bpd actually is, he's not very interested in getting the therapy, but it's mandatory for him to keep his job. Any suggestions?

[Michah]

Hi Ni33i,

Good to see you!......let me say, how wonderful it is to see you here to better understand what your friend is dealing with.......it will help you and your friend process questions......in saying this, I come from the perspective of experience, not therapuetic professionalism(although I reckon I could be therapist with all the years of therapy I have had!)

I digress.......any person who is in a relationship with someone with BPD will undoubtedly come across certain issues. It is not the mental illness itself, it is the behaviour I guess......well that was my experience anyway. I did not like people(yet craved them), I did not trust people and I attracted people to me who were as dangerous as I was.......so very unhealthy....

It is not for you to "compensate" for his disorder.......it is more about compromise and honesty. Only you know your principles, ethics, values. And when a person behaves in a way that makes you feel like you need to compromise any of these things, you need to re-evaluate your relationship. And ask yourself "What is my truth?" and "Is my truth more important that how this person has made me feel?".

Just as he must be honest with himself(and that can take alot of time. None of us want to admit that there is something wrong, or we are not coping), you must also be honest. If you love him, then you love him. It is unconditional. But you can love unconditionally without compromising yourself.

Babe, you are asking big questions, all of which are very important......however, the truth is inside you.......you KNOW what you need to do. I mean, I can say what I think, but the decision will be ultimately up to you. I saying that, I am more than happy to provide some support, for I think it is very honourable and caring that you have come to visit us......to help you gain some insight and comfort hopefully.

Love your friend, for you cannot help it, and why should you......and when or if it becomes untenable, maybe create some distance. But do not place condition on this journey, for both your sakes, it is how it is, no question.

So love for lovings sake, you do not lose anything if you were not prepared to give it away in the first place, look after yourself.......and all else will follow.......

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.”Taoist Proverb

Take good care, babe and I hope to see you again for chats......you are on the right path

Michah

[ni33i]

Thank you, so very much, Michah. You don't know how much it means to me that you took your time out to write such helpful and meaningful things to someone you don't even know.

[ni33i]

I have come to where I'm constantly worried about him and it kind of feels good for someone to take their time out for me.

[ni33i]

And Michah, you said you could say what you think...can you please do that for me. I value others opinions, especially from people who really seem to care.

[angelikah26]

Originally Posted by ni33i

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Things have not been going well for him lately and he's been hinting at suicide, but won't come out and say it. His therapy doesn't start for 5-6 more weeks and I don't want to report him suicidal because he will lose his job. I don't know if he's researched what bpd actually is, he's not very interested in getting the therapy, but it's mandatory for him to keep his job. Any suggestions?

I think it's important to let someone know that he's been hinting at suicide. It's important that he gets help. If he does lose his job he can always get another one but if he takes his life there's not another life waiting for him.