 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Oct 09, 2009, 11:19 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Sorry for my large number of posts here...I guess things are difficult because of coming to terms with my potential new dx.
 I've been feeling SO weird lately...empty...bored...worthless... I can't really describe the feelings, or where they're coming from, but they're here, and they're distressing. I feel so weird and out of place. Realistically, I have a lot going for me...I have a promising future ahead of me, and I know I'm going to get where I want to be...or at least have the potential to. Still...even given that, I still feel all of those things. I don't even know what to write...I'm so scatterbrained and weird at the moment. 
__________________
There is poetry in despair.
 Love attracts all those who taint the cherished. |
|
#2
Oct 10, 2009, 03:49 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
As my therapist told me, please don't get too hung up on the diagnosis.
I don't know if you've ever read any of Irvin Yalom's books about therapy, but he talks in "The Gift of Therapy" about advising psychotherapy students to avoid diagnosis (except for insurance companies)... and includes a quote from a colleague who asks of his psychiatric residents "If you are in personal psychotherapy or are considering it, what DSM-IV diagnosis do you think your therapist could justifiably use to describe someone as complicated as you?" From "Understanding the Borderline Mother" Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship, by author Christine Ann Lawson, the definition of BPD by the APA is "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity". The author adds that the term borderline means that their emotional state can border between psychosis and neurosis, particularly when faced with abandonment or rejection. [Thus children with borderline mothers grow up in a contradictory and confusing emotional world.] After many years of therapy for depression, bipolar, depression with anxiety... I entered into a new therapy (psychodynamic psychotherapy) and in my reading I came upon the book "get me out of here' by rachel reiland (sp?). What I read sounded like what I experience so I asked my current therapist if she thought that diagnosis fit me. She did, and had thought that for some time. She hadn't shared that with me because a psychologist I saw a few times right before her had dropped a different diagnosis on me that caused me a lot of grief to hear. My current T did not want to distress me like that and she doesn't focus on diagnosis anyway. But, having had this discussion with her, and embracing the diagnosis of BPD, I felt relief! An explanation for the stuggles, intense feelings, the conflicts, the rages, etc. Somehow I felt that if there was an explanation then there could be improvement too. Awareness is necessary for change. I am learning about my internal world---that an internal world/internal experiences even exist! That there is much to learn when the interanal experiences don't match the external experiences. There is much to learn about the fears that are motivators and obstacles. What an opportunity to learn about yourself that some people don't get. 
|
 fallenangel337, Michah, shezbut, VoNPD
|
|
#3
Oct 10, 2009, 05:04 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hi sweet,
Never concern yourself with amount of posts.......questioning and analysing lead to insight.......as often as you want. I am glad that you post as much as you do.......as there will also be times of peace and introspection. What you are experiencing is all part of the "mist" as I call it.......having never really concentrated on why, I mostly concentrated on how.......and questions prevailed. Keep talking......and talking.....and talking.......over and over.......for the answers are inside of you.......and the act of bringing it out, removes the potency over time......until it is more palatable and "easier to swallow". For in the contexts of therapy.......the therapist never tells you the answer.....they just help you find your INNER truth.......and you come to the answer on your own....... But talking and talking is all part of the process.......we are here. Take good care babe......know that all things are in flux......NOTHING ever stays the same......even if it feels like it. And yes, I KNOW you are destined for big things......as we all are, no matter where we are in our journey.......for we have fought big battles.......and survive.......to tell our stories of triumph and despair. We are all VERY important...... Big hugs,  Michah
__________________
For all things Light and Dark.......http://thedemonrun.wordpress.com/  The only Truth that exists..... .........Is that there is no absolute Truth. |
| ECHOES, fallenangel337, shezbut
|
|
#4
Oct 13, 2009, 01:35 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Easier said than done, but try not to focus. Personally, the harder I try to focus (when I've got random stuff flying through my head), the longer it takes. And the more my mind resists! I've sat and picked at my cuticles, rubbed lotion onto my skin, stared at letters on a book for hours with no clear thoughts in my head. As I notice time flying by, I recognize that I must have a lot on my mind. For some reason, I just need to spend those times completely in the moment. And accept it. Usually, those moments are in the evening, and I feel more aware when I get sleep and I wake feeling less depersonalization. As the day goes on, I focus on the moments that pass. As many moments pass throughout the day, I am struck by how many emotions and events come and go just in one day. I hope that I'm not confusing you here . I can relate...put it that way!  Shez 
|
| fallenangel337
|
|
#5
Oct 13, 2009, 01:52 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Dear Fallen ~ I've no doubt that you are still somewhat in shock from your new dx and that you feel empty, scatterbrained, and unhappy. Still you are not worthless. You are one of our best and brightest, and I've little doubt that you can meet your goals, so long as you don't let a label tie you down. BPD's tend to be bright, if sensitive. Don't let anything get to you and never apologize for posting and posting. We love hearing from you. I'm sure you feel a great deal. I thing that's what BPD's do! But you're lovable! billieJ PS: And I LOVE your bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He keeps me in line with my stupid behaviors.
Quote:
|
| fallenangel337
|
|
#6
Oct 13, 2009, 02:55 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
. I have felt those feelings my entire life to some degree or another...like the crapy prize in a box of cereal....But there is some respite in seeing those sides of ourselves. We learn to let go,,,we learn some acceptance and tolerance and we push ahead looking to the next turn... And like Michah shared,,,please never feel as though your over using the boards....without posts we are nothing.....  With Care, Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
| fallenangel337
|
|
#7
Oct 14, 2009, 12:56 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
You are all so wondeful--thank you!
 I've had a particularly bad week, so this has pretty much been a constant during that time. It has not gotten any better, although I can say it's a bit less distressing, because at least it's somewhat expected now. Does that make any sense at all? 
__________________
There is poetry in despair.
Love attracts all those who taint the cherished. |
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
