Borderline PD symptoms description

It's crazy ( no pun intended) how I read my life on here

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I also never cut or hurt myself except mentally I've thot suicide thots but keep to myself cuZ I'd never do it and I hav PTSD also

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I read book years ago called "the emotionally abused woman" (why wud they make that title I had hide cover to read in public ) anyhow recognized im borderline except for cutting or suicide thots I told my boys therapist wat I discovered and I'll never forget shocked look on his face. He asked how sure r u do u hav the symptoms and i backed off said I meant bipolar he said "whew that's good cuZ borderline is a serious illness takes years of therapy and difficult to accomplish" I kept it to myself since til I found some support online recentky

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I've Livd my whole life in position UR in. Of course I only get worried day bills r due but UR not alone. I thot i was alone my whole life then recently joined this site after reading posts I thot im not alone

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I like wen u said " it's like theirs 2 of me and hav no control over eithor one' I know ur serious but truth can be funny to

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Wen u said u just want him to shut up reminds me of me! I can't stand opinions saying same thing 'u need help' Uh DUH rocket scientist. No helpful advice I think my bf just wants keep repeating it cuZ I can't stand it

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OMG completely disregarding my reasons only focusing on my cussing or way I say it m

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And wen I'm confident in my abilities that can turn into an insecure conspiracy theorist in a very short time don't take much at all.

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This definition is very much how my life has been for so many years... it's a roller coaster that I'd like to get off. The sadness has taken over and the periods of stability and happiness are so few now

I literally have been reading this definition everyday for over 2 weeks straight. Everytime I read it I just burst into tears because that's exactly how I am. Ever single word. I was already diagnosed with bipolar now to realize there's another problem. I wouldn't wish mental illness on my worst nightmare it's awful

Wen I read about it first time I thot OMG that's me! Told my therapist at time 'hey I am borderline' his shocked face scared me he said why do u think that? I said oh I meant bipolar he said 'whew! Borderline is u treatable and said other things scared me

Kathi

my therapist recently diagnosed me with this (i was previously diagnosed bipolar, and after that manic depression) and until now i didn't fully understand why my therapist made this call. I'm sitting here crying and snotting all over the place and watching my life replay and recount every instance where this description is valid... and lets say it was a very large amount of instances. THIS REALLY SUCKS I DONT WANT TO CRY ANYMORE TODAY!!!!

and now i want to go hide in my bed. damnit.

Having that with bipolar makes having relationships hard... well lasting relationships that is... sometimes i wonder what could have been different for me to now have all the troubles that i have that leaves me in a confusing place of wanting to be away from ppl and alone bc i dont trust them to craving and yearning for interpersonal relationships...

I know exactly how you feel ... I spent the past two days in bed not eating or leaving my room just wanting to cry but i've hit that point where i cant cry... i feel so numb and tired of it ALL... everyday i wonder how much longer is this going to last and i'm tired of my rage filled outbursts for no reason... it sucks...

1. My neighbor had all those BPD symptoms simply by being an alcoholic, and the behavior stopped when he stopped drinking. (He now smokes pot). So, I'm thinking that symptom descrip. washes a lot of folks in the BPD pile that don't belong.

2. I've had emotional trouble since a young child; they called it attention deficit, then bipolar, now age 60, they're calling it BPD. I NEVER drank/smoked/drugged. Stopping sugar helped a lot. Best 'fix' for me has been continuous exercise, heavy mental stimulation, and 95-99% solitude. So fewer outside sources to cause me grief, and I just imagine romance versus the trauma yank of that.

So I figure mine is a brain issue combined with lack of nurturing & being 1st born.
My 1st 'therapy' in 30 years is in 2 weeks.
I just don't see how therapy, or any 'prescription', can help a brain disorder. And all 'talking about it' does is rile up the emotional pain of the past.

3. QUESTION: What is the most effective way to tamp down the extreme emotion from new trigger events?

I had been diagnosed by my psychiatrist as Bopolar I (NOS)/Major Depressive Disorder. I had a great experience with this Psychiatrist until he left the practice and moved back to his homeland, Ecuador. My therapist of 2yrs in one session mentioned the term Borderline but didn't go into it at all, it was like he was afraid to tell me. Being inquisitive and knowledge hungry I went to the library the next day and went to the Reference section and got the DSMIV-TR 2000 and looked up the word Borderline and found Borderline Personality Disorder and started reading. At 49yrs old I had finally found myself. I started reading the criteria and the tears just started rolling down my face right there in the library. I had met all 9 of the criteria! I was actually happy to finally know that their was actually something causing all this to be going on.

This is where the nightmare really began........trying to get help when you're on Social Security Disability. Not enough money for even food for a month after rent and utilities, let alone dr. Copays, therapist copays, medications........I'm not able to get the help I so want and need that this exacerbates my depression so bad I hardly get out of bed anymore. Why? There's nothing out there for me. My biggest and worst fear is that I'm going to die before I ever get to live......

Its comforting to know that there are others who understand this. The hardest part is when people don't understand me and I feel all alone. I'm glad I found this forum. And yep that pretty much describes me although I have not been diagnosed due to lack of money, and my trust in doctors has become completely damaged to the lack of genuine "caring".

This is a very accurate description of me and there's even more aswell. I was not diagnose until recently and had been give a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 then Bipolar 2. At every appointment I would see a different member of the team and they would give their own opinion which led me to believe that they had not read my history. I never agree with the diagnoses and stopped taking the medication (Lithium) because I truly believed that it was incorrect. I have never been able to articulate myself which would enable a pdoc to make a diagnosis, I would only be able to say,,what awful things I had done etc etc. This description, for me, is a blessing because, even though I have not told anyone of my diagnosis of BPD, should I decide to tell (my family)..I can show them this so that they may get some understanding of the person I am. Thanks Echo.

I was diagnosed with BPD a long time ago. I'm over 60 now and still can't find
the right help. I've tried and done so much yet always come out the same ,
an emotional wreck. I know I'm not alone.

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The symptoms of borderline patients are similar to those for which most
people seek psychiatric help: depression, mood swings, the use and abuse of drugs, alcohol, or food as a means of trying to feel better; obsessions, phobias, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, inability to tolerate being alone.]

This , to me , is a very accurate description of myself. OK. so I know what I am now. The question I have is the relation between past environmental situations , my personality now , and how this mix will affect my life on a daily basis. What can change ? You can't change your DNA. It takes willpower, something I sorely lack , to effect change . I have a very pessimistic view of my ability to " feel " better. It seems like nothing can make me happy. I find life very disinteresting. I can have brief periods of optimism but it doesn't last.
Can anybody identify with what I'm trying to say ?