[lisa a]

sorry but just so anoyed at the min so thot id get it out no here. just so anoyed. iv had this since 4eva even early childhood like age 7 n stuff my mum sed she could see the sighs anyway thats the the point. the point is that 4as long as i can remember i destroy everythin n anythin good in my life its not deliberate i got told its my subcontious mind doing it so im not sitin there thinkin what can i do 2 rewin this 4myself but i sumhow end up doing it. im so annoyed at myself rite now i rreewan everythin 4 my my family my friend n my bfs n im sick of it i just want 2 be normal n be able 2 control myself n not push every1 away. im gona be alone 4eva n never find the right guy 4 me theres no way a guy is gona put up with me well it just goes 2 show how many boyfriends if had n they all leave in the end coz im 2 much 2 handle n im sick of it. im gona stop trying im not letting another man in2 my life n im not letin them anywhere near me ever again its just 2 painful n not fair 2 put sum1 else in the situation of havin 2 deal with me i will just end up hurtin them n myself cant do it anymore.

[pinkcorr]

Originally Posted by lisa a

sorry but just so anoyed at the min so thot id get it out no here. just so anoyed. iv had this since 4eva even early childhood like age 7 n stuff my mum sed she could see the sighs anyway thats the the point. the point is that 4as long as i can remember i destroy everythin n anythin good in my life its not deliberate i got told its my subcontious mind doing it so im not sitin there thinkin what can i do 2 rewin this 4myself but i sumhow end up doing it. im so annoyed at myself rite now i rreewan everythin 4 my my family my friend n my bfs n im sick of it i just want 2 be normal n be able 2 control myself n not push every1 away. im gona be alone 4eva n never find the right guy 4 me theres no way a guy is gona put up with me well it just goes 2 show how many boyfriends if had n they all leave in the end coz im 2 much 2 handle n im sick of it. im gona stop trying im not letting another man in2 my life n im not letin them anywhere near me ever again its just 2 painful n not fair 2 put sum1 else in the situation of havin 2 deal with me i will just end up hurtin them n myself cant do it anymore.

Recognising that you self sabotage is really important. Maybe you could have a think about the things you've sabotaged in the past? Is there a pattern? Can you recognise any triggers?

Most of us have a strong desire to be in control of EVERYTHING, unfortunately I don't believe that is possible, it is possible to try and do things differently though.

Have a look at this post on the psychotherapy board http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=108173 I find its really helpful.

[lisa a]

thanks 4 much hun x how do u manage 2 control it tho x i cnt see a day where i will be able 2 x i i v aware at the time what im doing just not y buy it always happens in relationships when they hit the 3/4month stage n dont know what but something changes n i just do everything in my power 2 destroy iy n i didnt know y x i know when im doing it n dry n stop it but i never works n they r always scared away in the end x

[jacpeaceandlove]

I understand, i do the same thing as u but now im smart i go for the people who are more dependent on me and i know they need me in my life, so that wtv i do they will always stay by my side

[Princess Butterfly]

safe hugs

I avoid men so im sorry i cant help you but i do totally understand what your saying as i very much feel the same
your not alone

[lisa a]

so is that y u avoid men princess butterfly ? u havnt found a way of how 2 stop urself or anythin ?