[pulled2ways]

I've been in the MH system for about 15 yrs & received many diagnoses, but the 1 I hate most is BPD. It's not so much the diagnoses as the way so many view it. I may not handle a lot of situations "appropriately", but it doesn't help to be called manipulative, attention-seeking, & "drama queen". No, I don't handle relationships well; I don't deal w/ stress in healthy ways; I find it hard to find balance in life...but I'm really hurting. Sometimes I do need a good dose of reality, but I've been put down enough in my life. Guess I'm just blowing off steam; I see myself so much in the description of BPD but not in the way so much of society presents it. I want to be able to better cope w/ emotions, relationships, hurt, etc...that's where I need help. But please don't blow me off as just out to make a scene.

[paddym22]

I hear you and know exactly how you feel. I was misdaignosed as rapid cycling Bi Polar for 15 years and was quite happily so, but my current psychiatrist couldnt understand why I had never reacted to any medication except in a bad way, so after much therapy and observational sessions with her she rediagnosed me as BORDERLINE. It was as good as if someone told me I had stage 4 cancer. At least with the Bi Polar it was almost trendy to be that way but borderline no no no. I did not see myself fulfilling all the criterea that is negatively portrayed out there by some ignorant professionals and the press. It was explained to me as an inability to regulate my emotions that caused all my hurt and frustration and made me act the way I was as a result of the lack of knowledge of emotional management. And she went onto say that it was 99% unlikely it was my fault as I probably was never exposed to it during my formative years. But now a year into twice montly therapy and monthly meetings with her I am well on the road to recovery from it. I understand myself more and I dont internalise my anger anymore which I was doing and it was killing me. But I also have axis one diagnosis of major depression so that holds me back from swinging from the chandeliers that maybe I am cured.

[shezbut]

((pulled2ways))

Have professionals used these terms ("manipulative"; "attention-seeking"; and "drama queen") with you, or is it general public? If general public, is it family members? Those that you have some regular contact with?

Just asking because most cases of BPD are developed in early childhood, due to dysfunctional and abusive families. Although our bodies become adult, certain parts of our minds stay in childhood. I, for instance, second-guess nearly everything coming from me. That's due to frequently being shamed by words I told my mom around age 5 and up. While I'm 39 y.o. now, I still stammer or remain quiet (especially with her!) in hopes of avoiding more issues.

to you!

[pulled2ways]

Originally Posted by shezbut

((pulled2ways))

Have professionals used these terms ("manipulative"; "attention-seeking"; and "drama queen") with you, or is it general public? If general public, is it family members? Those that you have some regular contact with?

Just asking because most cases of BPD are developed in early childhood, due to dysfunctional and abusive families. Although our bodies become adult, certain parts of our minds stay in childhood. I, for instance, second-guess nearly everything coming from me. That's due to frequently being shamed by words I told my mom around age 5 and up. While I'm 39 y.o. now, I still stammer or remain quiet (especially with her!) in hopes of avoiding more issues.

to you!

Some professionals have used these terms; others didn't take me seriously when I'd try to tell them I was hurting or having self-destructive thoughts. It's so hard for me to let anyone know when I'm having a rough time & to be brushed off makes it even more difficult.

My family is very disfunctional, w/ incest, abuse, addictions, & show very little emotion except anger. You're right, there are many ways I still feel like a child, especially around family. I want them to love & accept me, not point out "failures" or compare me to others. Yet I don't trust them & don't want to want their approval.

[shezbut]

My family is very disfunctional, w/ incest, abuse, addictions, & show very little emotion except anger. You're right, there are many ways I still feel like a child, especially around family. I want them to love & accept me, not point out "failures" or compare me to others. Yet I don't trust them & don't want to want their approval.

I understand.

As a child, I did everything I could to satisfy my dysfunctional family. It sickens me to recall my childhood. Sad, but I can now see that I have been acting out this anguish since I was a little girl. For the past 20+ years, I have pulled away from my family.

I put as little as I can into what is left of the relationships. Mainly: my mom and dad. Everyone else is already out ~ I've let go of them. Don't know if this is a good thing, but it's what I've done to protect myself emotionally.

[pammar94]

Hi there(to everyone!). I am new, but not to borderline, although I didn't know I had it until recently. I've gotten so much better and seemed to only snap under stress...I've been in a lot of therapy and done self-help. This is what I've learned or have been told by the doctor I see who is up on the latest on borderline. I'm sure not all psychiatrists are in agreement, because, after all, psychiatry is not an exactly science, but I was heartened by what I learned.

First off, not all borderlines are severely abused. I didn't have the best parents, trust me. But I never suffered any physical or sexual abuse. I was put down a lot, but I realize that some of that was because I was such a difficult and puzzling child. They don't really know why people become borderline, but some is hereditary. I think my mom may have had it, yet she was my biggest critic! Secondly, my psychiatrist says that it is very possible that the name "borderline" is going to be changed to Emotional Dysregulation Disorder in the DSM!! I hope so! To me, that SO sums it up.

I did manipulative stuff when I felt desperate and went "over the top" when I was hurt or angry. I can't tell you how much better I am now. You can do it too. I like CBT and DBT therapy and I do lots of self-help stuff like Meditation and practicing staying in the moment and remembering that the world is gray, not black and white.

Hope I don't sound like I'm rambling. I just wanted to tell you I understand, and that there is so much hope. Hang in there.