[onlythelonely]

so much to say. not sure where to start.

i look for comfort in a world where no one seems to understand me. i want so badly to be my true self, but that self gets me into trouble. makes me do things i shouldnt. vicious cycles of self sabotage and punishment. i have no grasp on right or wrong. should or shouldnt. selfish or selfless. i dont even know who i am. but i try hard to be true to me. creating havoc and pain because i dont know what else or how else to be. wanting to be liked and accepted. utterly alone and empty all the time.

i dont think any of this even makes sense. but these are the thoughts that slosh around inside my brain. this is who i am.

[Christine001]

((((onlythe lonely)))),
sounds like you are having a tough time and that so many self doubt thoughts are going through your head. T

[sundog]

Hi onlythelonely. Welcome! What you write makes sense. I hope it helps a bit to get some of these thoughts out and to know that there are people here who understand how you feel.

[123crazyornot]

Hi

I can so relate to where you are right now. I've been there for 4 years, 6 PDocs, cpn and a therapist worth and only now that I no longer see them do I have a level of peace. I've learned to accept myself and allow myself to just go with the flow. Spend my days locked indoors, solitary and happily disassociating. My last friend thinks it's weird and should go back to PDoc but I am honestly happy with my life and don't want to change anymore, I've accepted it! So by no way am I advocating my choice but I can say that for the first time in a long time I feel content. My emotions are switched off and I am at peace.

I would advise you go talk to a therapist or PDoc and hopefully you can stop yourself finding yourself where I am now.

Take care

[shezbut]

onlythelonely,

I am sorry that you're stuck in such pain and misery .

Please do reach out to your T. If you don't have one, see your regular doc and ask for help. It takes some time and work to get out of the groove that you're stuck in, but you can do it!

Gentle hugs to you...