[shezbut]

I feel like my world is crumbling all around me. Not sure if I'm panicking for good reason, or simply out of paranoia.

I missed DBT this week. A meeting before it ran late, and I didn't get out until after groups just began ~ and I was 30 minutes away. I hadn't worked on my homework this past week either. Just kind of living life. I *could have* called them, and mentioned why I missed it. But I didn't. I have a message on my machine from them, and I can't bring myself to listening to the message. Can't seem to reason why.

Why am I avoiding it? I don't know. It's bugging me ~ yet I'm afraid to hear the answer. Doggone it!

[Lisa Michelle]

Have you listened to the message yet? I think it's better to listen and get it over with, there's no point worrying about what it *might* be when you can just listen and find out... and THEN deal with it. I understand your worry, though.

It's fine you missed the DBT. You couldn't help it and hopefully you can go next week. One week won't make much difference. You had a work committment, it's very understandable!

[shezbut]

Hi Lisa Michelle,

Thanks for responding.

Yes, I finally listened to the message that was left. Just wanting to know if everything is okay...I'm not the "type" to not follow through with things, so they're a little concerned whether or not things are okay with me.

I will go the the meeting this Thursday. I am just fighting a strong temptation to give up. I'm tired of working hard. I feel like giving up on the drama in my life.

I know these thoughts are unhealthy, and are part of my sick cycle. And I'm also unsure why this cycle has struck. I guess that I just keep pushing myself to do the best I can in the moment, and hope that it's good enough to keep me going.

Shez

[Perna]

Shezbut, let yourself "give up" a little bit; do something small that would feel good (spend the day curled up in bed reading instead of doing chores is what I sometimes do).

Think up a project that would use both healthy and "unhealthy" (since everybody's lives are made up of these, no such thing as totally healthy, now and forever more :-) I like to remember the Arabian proverb: All sun makes a desert. But if you want to go to bed or do nothing but read/watch TV, change the bed and put laundry in the washer/dryer and get fresh bedding first or your dishes, etc.. You'll do something to care for yourself as well as take time off.

[Lisa Michelle]

shezbut, I can relate to your feelings of wanting to give up. One of my recent popular saying was something along the lines of "I've been trying for so long to get better and I've not got better, I just want to give up because what's the point?" ... I realise now though, that you can't just try for X amount of months and then be better, you have to KEEP trying and trying until you're there. There's no time limit on it. If it doesn't work in 6 months, you keep going and maybe in 7 months something will click.. or if not then, maybe in a year. But if you give up along the way, you'll never get to where you want to be (well, not until you try again!).

I like Perna's ideas. It's good to relax a little and treat yourself. This therapy lark can get quite tiring, especially as you're working also! You should do something that isn't work or therapy, something for you. It might refresh you.

Good luck on thurs x