how do you develop BPD?

i`ve read that a lot of people who have BPD have been victims of childhood sexual abuse , so it`s almost like a PTSD thing. but what if you weren`t? i was diagnosed with BPD when i was 20 and i was never abused. my dad is a recovering alcoholic & he drank until i was 21 but i never knew it b/c he never drank in the house & was just always calm & mostly quiet. he was verbally abusive to my mom but never in front of my brother & me. do you think kids can sense that things are messed up but not consciously realize it? my childhood seemed "normal." the only "messed up" thing i remember is me. my mom took me to a T for the 1st time when i was THREE b/c of chronic, unexplained stomachaches. when i was like 9, i wouldn`t eat for like 6 months b/c i was afraid of choking. i was HORRIBLE to my brother. i abused him verbally and hit him. i still feel guilty about it. i was ALWAYS unstable. the 1st time i SI was when i was 12. i was doing my homework & then was gauging my wrist up for no known reason. how does this happen?

It is associated with difficulty with attachment very early in childhood/infancy, originating in events we have no memory of. How we did, or didn't, for attachments to our primary caregivers (usually Mom). This is when we learn that the world is a warm and loving place to be, that we are not dangerous and others are not dangerous, that is okay to just be.
Secure attachment can form, then be disturbed by trauma.
Or, secure attachment may not form, for some reason (Mom is not well, child has to be separated from mom for some reason like illness, etc.)
Or, the attachment can seem to be secure, but Mom is overly attached, which can leave the child confused and afraid of separating, which is a normal process after infancy.

There are many many good books on attachment

Yes, sounds like your mother had it rough with your father (and you) and who knows her own growing up? You no doubt sensed that or had experiences of your own as a very young child that didn't teach you security so you remained reactive instead of growing emotionally.

It is possible to learn what we didn't as a child, not quite as easily or as ideally as when we were at the age they should have learned it originally but the "warping" of our growing tree selves can be straightened back up quite a bit so we're once again growing up instead of sideways where the wind and storms forced us in the past and to which we got accustomed.

Perna, you have a beautiful way with words. Thanks!

no tags. i like it.

What is your earliest memory?
And can you think of a time, as a child, you were very angry?

This is the first sign of a dysfunctional family. Maybe you want to read this:

http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctio...ly2.html#types

http://victimsofpsychopaths.wordpres...matic-bonding/

Yes, I think kids can sense everything around them. It gets confusing when they sense but no one is talking about it. It makes them think that they are at fault, it makes them doubt their own reality and perception and they will be more prone to be in an abusive relationship in adult life.

This is just what I was talking about above.

I have come across quite a few borderline and also bi polar who describe exactly the same. My ex used to have these and was injected with something as a kid to stop the pain and the throwing up. I think that it is a way of the body to tell you that something is wrong. That you are stressed, and your needs are not met. Its so sad that parents give medication instead of emotional support.

You were angry. Can you think why?
Guilt usually is a sign that things are going wrong. That something needs to change. What needed to change? what did you gain out of the guilt?
It is, again, a recurring thing for borderline - a deep sense of shame and guilt.

SI usually is an indicator of strong pain. Needs are not being met. Mostly emotional needs but can be also physical and mental as they are connected. SI is a way (poor way) to cope. When a child has not learnt other ways to cope and feels great distress he/she is more prone to SI.

From everything you describe I think your parents did not provide you with the caring, loving, nurturing environment where you felt safe and well looked after. I am sorry. As you examine these things more and more - you will gain more clarity and maybe even that normal childhood that you mentioned will gain a different shape. Stay positive and make sure you are safe now. Leaning boundaries and connecting with emotions while changing some thinking is very important but a hard process. Good luck

Hi all, am I to understnd tha BPD is a result of trauma as a child? I've only just begun to find out why I have it. I wondered if one can get it from childhood abuse or it's just inherited through birth or whatever. Sorry for any insensitivity, just learning here.