[bmarie]

I fear I might have borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder about 6 years ago but some of the symptoms i have don't fit. Like feeling rage about a person I cherished because they did something to hurt me and wanting to plot revenge/ thinking about bad gruesome things. Then going back after a few weeks or even the same day to liking them/ idealizing them. I feel broken somehow. Even with the bipolar meds I still feel like this and it makes me feel like a monster. I don't know how to bring this up to my doctors.

I know i don't want to be like this anymore, swinging back from being loving to loathing. I know i want to change and have to change because it makes people distance themselves.

Does anyone know of any books i can read to start self-help or how i bring it about to my docs?

Thanks in advance for any input.

[bpd2]

Hi, bmarie--welcome, if you're new to this forum.
Rapid mood swings can be a symptom of bi-polar--ultraradian, it's called. It is possible you have bpd, too, as the switching between attitudes toward a person (splitting), even within one day, is common to bpd. But you have to talk to your doc about this.
At the top of the forum, there are Sticky's re: bpd. There are links to follow there, too. I'd start there.
It sounds like one of your doctors is a psychiatrist? S/he he can diagnose you or refer you. My psychiatrist referred me to a psychologist who gave me a Rorschach and did observations. I did ask for a second opinion, too--the dx was hard for me to accept, so I asked for a second, blind evaluation from another psychologist. Same result. I think it's worth "getting it right." The medications for the two conditions have some overlap, but the meds for bipolar very, very often don't work for bpd, and the therapy is quite different, although the current "gold standard," DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) works well for many mood disorders, especially anger management. Your psychiatrist is going to know all this and much, much, much more. It's important to start there, with the description of symptoms your meds don't seem to be addressing.

[bmarie]

Originally Posted by bpd2

It sounds like one of your doctors is a psychiatrist? S/he he can diagnose you or refer you. It's important to start there, with the description of symptoms your meds don't seem to be addressing.

Thanks for the reply. I've been noticing for awhlie the meds don't seem to help with this love/hate feeling towards specific individuals ie: dating partners and best freinds, my psychologist keeps increasing the Lithium level. I see my therapist tomorrow so i was going to bring it up to him. He and the psychiatrist are in the same building down the hall from each other and what one writes down as their impressions the other reads or they discuss as a team.

[bpd2]

I appreciate that my doctors spend the time to talk to each other. As long as I am being honest with each one, they both have insights to offer each other, and they explain things well to me, double-check symptoms, etc. I think we're lucky to have this arrangement where they can and will talk to each other! Now, use it!--be honest, be brave. There isn't anything to hide, although it can feel like it in the short-run....

[sugahorse1]

I was first dx'd bipolar, and am still being treated for it. But my pdoc and T are thinking that I'm either only suffering from BPD after all, or a combination of both. Regardless - I want my pdoc to treat the symptoms and my T to just help me in general.
I think it's quite common to suffer from both BPD and BP

[bpd2]

Yes, comorbidity is common for those with bpd....but the treatment of the bipolar, if there is bpd also, has to be changed: most of the meds used to treat bipolar are not effective for bpd. Abilify is usually the drug of choice for bpd, mood stabilizers, in any case. If bipolar is involved, it used to be that anti-depressants couldn't be prescribed for the bpd--because they bring on cycling. SO....the anti-depressants become the sort you can take "instantly"......In short, it's pretty important to find out if their is a dual diagnosis (always the case with any dual diagnosis??) like this because the two have such strong similarities but are treated differently. And the kind of treatment for bpd is quite different than for bipolar.......in fact, I think if my therapy had been for a bi-polar dx adn then we found I was bpd, I might be asked to switch therapists. And that is because of the bonding issues, the boundary issues. The theory about bpd is that the ego isn't intact. So, we have "leaky boundaries." Leads to huge interpersonal problems. That is not the case for bipolar...