[bpd2]

Do you ever find yourself, in a complaint to the "authorities", flip-flopping between anger and whining?--even in the same sentence???

I just called AARP and complained, outraged, that they tell people their memberships are "set to expire" and to renew, when, it turns out---because I couldn't believe it, knew it wasn't defunct yet!!!----mine doesn't expire until May of 2011

............ So, I was sort of OK with them messing with my email space, messing with my headspace, and messing with my money.....BUT, I'm not okay with them doing it to some 90-year-old lady, which I will probably (long lives in my family, on both sides) be some day.

So, I talked to the "nice lady"---I swear it's a costume she puts on when she walks in the door (would have to be if she's going to deal with people like me everyday......)----ANYWAY, talked to the nice lady about my complaint, and it just went on and on and on.....with these clashing persona in my head, making me search for words, making my speaking tone (and volume) uneven, etc.....

And then, all the fantasies after I hung up of being the brilliant lawyer for the rights of all the old people who not only can't read their computer screens (if they have them), but can't find their dentures or get their palsied fingers to hit the right numbers on the phone...........

Oh, my..........how long is this going to go on!!! More play-acting, and more and more! But all brought on by a real need.

I hate how it seems like I destroy my own calm....and then I try to hide it, and the fakery is such a strain, and leads to more fakery! And more strain! Ai-yi-yi!!!!!!!!

[phoenix7]

((((Bpd2)))))))

you were trying to do a good thing - can you just accept that and say - i did what i could

and by the way - i think it was great what you did

and just to share with you - i used to work in a callcentre and i remember we had an add wit a mouse jumpng into a swimming pool (theyd just got a home improvement loan lol ) someoen rang up and said their child was upset cos the mouse was not seen to get out of the pool and they thought it drowned - well i took the complaint thinking oh this will go straight in the bin and lo and behoold a few days later i was watcvhing the same add on TV thinking about the complaint and right at the end the little mouse popped up wiht a big grin - they had actually taken notice of one complaint -

so dont doubt yourself - somtimes the tiniest voice can have the greatest impact

P7

[bpd2]

THAT is so cool!

Sweety....I think we all do to an extent...I really appreciate the self examination that you do...we should all go within and self inspect our behaviors and motives.Says a tremendous amount bout you!.....((((BPD)))))....from a fellow BPD'R...~W~