[kalisha36]

Okay maybe NOT daily but ritually? Like I feel I have to check in with my so-called friends...ugh I hate to say that, but there friends of mine that have enough well money or energy that's not exhausted by my illnesses and lifestyle meaning kids home life etc to do the things they like to do, etc...Social events erm shopping ugh.....blah....No thanks!! Money erm people crowds ugh no, and then not to mention guilt...Okay

Then I have to check in with hubby...Fear let him no I have been busy which is true...From the first time I wake up in the morning at 5:30 am but well really 6am when I am really MOVING until you know sleep time when your really supposed to SLEEP which never ever *well I haven't been able to sleep good for months* but go to bed about 12pm and start all over........

I feel that if these and the many normal obligations like laundry making beds, floor not being vacuumed, dishes not done, etc..I freak out no bad how I feel? What is is your like addictive thing that you feel??? like you HAVE TO DO IT????

[cluelessgluten]

Eat. I have to eat. Even when I'm not hungry. I don't know if this is addictive or OCD but I can't leave work with something unfinished. Even if the night shift is taking over I stay and make sure its "done right". I just can't bring my self to leave. I am told by my subordinates "to go home we got this"

[bpd2]

If I start watching a DVD set of a TV series, I have to watch episode after episode until I'm so tired I hurt, and as soon as I finish that season, I HAVE to go buy the next one.

[kalisha36]

The bed...Soon as I get up the bed has to be made! Dishes have to be done or I can't leave the house? Arg....And I can't be late...I hate being late anywhere so this can be a problem

[cluelessgluten]

I am the same way with being late. I hate it.

[kalisha36]

Is it NOT the WORST.......Being late....OMG.....Like that's almost unacceptable...I think my kids are all kinda already set to that pattern cuz they freak about time and NOT being late lol....Whoops....There should be NO excuse for lateness he he......I mean there is always a REAL excuse but have you ever had those "friends" that seriously live by lateness....Absolutely RUDE lol.....It seriously though I had yes HAD a gf that always was late I used to pull my hair out and freak out like ripping things up in my car almost crying waiting for her...Then put myself back together like oh yeah everything is fine over her being late....Okay I had no idea at that time that I had BPD or other issues either....So cut me a little slack when you read that

[cluelessgluten]

Knowing about BPD doesn't all ways make it any easier. I still freak out when my wife is out late at the casino. I joking tell her I think she is really with a boy friend. In side I wonder if it's not true. She is always going to the store and I get myself worked up wondering who she's with. She get home and wonder why I am so mad. Nothing I say.

[kalisha36]

Nope knowing you have BPD or anything else is not a cure all for sure! I still have the same behaviors but at least now, now I can reason more with myself why I might be going off in a tangent like that? Or why that might not be logical? Before I would go home and think I was just going CRAZY??? So it dose at sometimes when I can "calm down" enough relieve some pressure at other times not so much

[cluelessgluten]

I try to reason with myself to when I start getting my self all wound up. Even if it doesn't work I at least pretend everything is just fine. you know put on a good show for the straits

[bpd2]

I've been trying the thought--when I get to wound up I think I'm going to destroy the house----I've been trying the thought "It's only emotions. It's not what's really happening." Then I think about where everyone is in the house, what they're doing, and I can think, then, about what I could do that would be just a thing that is the next best thing to do--in terms of practical--like, file six pieces of paper (the whole stack is overwhelming), wash the bathroom mirror, etc. BECAUSE, what made me mad, if it matters, is a PROBLEM, and it can be solved......it's a problem, not the people. Sure, the people are "doing" it, causing the problem, but what they're doing (or what I'm doing) adds up to a problem. Each action isn't a problem...........

Does this make sense? Do you kind of get it?

It works. It's even interesting....

[kalisha36]

This totally makes sense to me! Like my kids leaving stuff here there and everywhere...I mean really there pretty good cuz I am like overly organized about the stupidest things...I don't like seeing anything not even shoes out of line...It just makes me cringe? However like you said I know like the bathroom toilet paper roll is empty and I want to freak out and yell.. Stupid right I mean just replace it instead of line up the family and scream about who is so LAZY blah blah ect...So I will be like okay change it and do like you say take an extra minute to clean the mirror so I can come out and not rage Dunno I think that's what you were kinda saying? SO I have worked thru the emotion and not react on it? Every thing even when there's a glass in the sink seems overwhelming? Or like you said filing the stack of papers ugh...ARG....Even thinking about it makes my brain say OUCH....

[kashmir0]

Smoke atleast one cigarette a day, even if I don't feel like it. It's kind of making hard to quit. :S