[mr09]

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. now, while I sort of figured I had it, I never really let the whole "label" bother me until I was diagnosed with it. I could sit here and look back and tell everyone why i believe i adapted these traits but that probably doesn't matter. what i am having a hard time with is dealing with how to control and maintain the "panic attacks" that overcome me when something is triggering and upset. I have somewhat of a girlfriend right now who triggers a lot of my BPD symptoms and is not the best person for me to date, while I know this, I wouldn't necessarily give her up or break up with her because I couldn't imagine being without her.
There are times when I cannot calm myself down and this frustrates her to the point where she stops talking to me, tells me she cant do it anymore and hangs up - which only leaves me in more panic.
there are things that she says, perfectly normal things, that i take the wrong way or the fact that i cannot drop certain subjects until I either get the answer that I want or I feel settled. there is only so much she's willing to put up with and I am really, really wanting to find some way to control and manage all of my stress.

i'm on medication, i'm starting DBT soon and I see a therapist twice a week, but I need some skills that you all have maybe found to be helpful so that when I'm crying uncontrollably, panicking, having racing thoughts about whether i'll ever talk to her again/if she loves me/if i can trust her, etc so that I don't loose her, other friends and myself. really - any advice, techniques, wisdom would help so, so much.

thanks guys

[anna342]

I was finding it hard to know what to say, since it sounds like you have things in place or coming up that should help.

But I just wanted to point out a couple of things that might help you and your girlfriend too.

I'm not sure if you've told your girlfriend about your problems. You don't need to include diagnosis if that bothers you. But it's really important for her to know what is happening with you. If she sees you in huge distress, it's going to be even more distressing if she doesn't know what is causing it or believes she has done something. What I think is important is when you're not distressed is to have the conversation with her or write to tell her about what is happening. For example, saying that you have mental health issues, that you can easily be 'set off' by totally innocent situations and it's not because of who is involved, but that it is taking you back or poking at something inside of you. She needs to know that you will be working on this and between you agree a way of coping with it- having a way of being able to tell her when it is that you can both deal with.

Also, when you go to therapy they will often ask what it is that is bothering you right now, or why you're in therapy or whatever. It sounds like this is a pretty big issue right now, and what i've learnt in therapy is that every situation that bothers you is often reflected through your life in many ways. Like certain bits of certain types of relationships will always be a problem to people (especially with bpd) until they are worked on. It's important to have the awareness and space to think about it to try and interrupt it keep happening. It may not be clear to you if it has happened before with someone but therapy can open your eyes to patterns.

Hope something there helps.

[Kymaro]

I agree with anna342, she has some great ideas. DBT is a great resource. And I think talking with the girlfriend is the right thing to do too. It helps the caregiver per say to know whats going on. One of the biggest issues with BLP is fear of loosing those close to you. With her knowing that, she may be able to re-enforce correcting that fear.