[HelloClarice]

sorry for jumping on the bandwagon but self hate has definitely been on my mind lately. i am deeply ashamed of the mess i've allowed my life to become, for various reasons including an inability to control my BPD and a history of prescription drug abuse. i'm divorced, i can't hold down a job, my finances are a mess, my car is falling apart, i'm in my 30's living with my parents, i have no friends...the list is never-ending. i'm remembering all of the awful things i've done to people over the years, the number of friends i've lost touch with or hurt, the times i've disappointed my parents. i think about how i'll never have children because by the time i get my act together enough to be a stable parent i'll be too old to have a child. i think about the potential i wasted while i was f***ing my life up and how i'll never get it back. i have regrets on a grand scale, and they're pretty much all my fault. i loathe myself for being a weak person who can't hack being a normal adult. i'm trying to change it, going back to school...trying to get back into the workforce, working on eliminating my debt without anyone's help. but even though my self-loathing is somewhat motivating, it's really pervasive. how do you deal with it?

[beautifuldisaster78]

Are you going to counseling? Taking any kind of medicine? I'd suggest you do, if you don't already. And perhaps get involved in some support group or consider a residential treatment center for awhile. Take things one step at a time. Looking at the problem "list" of ourselves is overwhelming. I know, I do it too. Gotta take things one thing at a time. Get things right in your head so YOU have some peace, then work on tackling the issues one at a time depending on what's most important to you.
Just my two cents from my own struggles. Most importantly don't look at everything wrong all at once! It's overwhelming no matter who you are.