[Tourniquet]

I'm curious to know how other borderline's deal with revealing their illness to friends, co-workers, etc. Do you tell people upfront about your BPD? Do you hide it until you can trust them? Or do you just not tell people at all unless they really need to know? Do you tell people because it helps them understand your behaviour/emotions or do you just let them assume you're odd/moody?

I have found that the few people I have told have reacted in different ways. One person freaked out and completely cut our friendship off and avoids me now. One person (my doctor) literally laughed at me and said he doesn't think I have it (little does he know it's because I am extremely good at hiding it). My husband has been nothing but supportive and loving. My parents went into denial immediately, I suppose because they blame themselves and don't want to even consider the possibility I have BPD. My stepdaughter was supportive and curious to learn more. But for the most part, people don't know much about BPD and assume it means I am dangerous or insane. It hurts a lot when people react negatively and it has made me question whether or not I should even bother to ever tell anyone, even those I think I can trust. People often forget I am a person who suffers from a mental illness, they suddenly see me as just a mental illness and nothing more.

So, do you guys tell people about your BPD or do you hide it in order to protect yourselves and/or your reputation?

[Chronic]

I hide it. No one knows except T and pdoc. For me telling someone I had been hospitalised with depression had a bad enough reaction and depression is more widely accepted. Most people dont know anything about PDs and what they do know is really negative so I cover it up as best I can.

I was reading a book on BPD a while ago in my office at work. My boss happened to come in and asked what I was reading. I couldnt hide the cover quick enough and he saw it. He looked shocked and worried an edge. I quickly told him that I was reading it for research purposes as I was studying to be a T (which I was at the time but that has since gone out the window.lol). He looked at me like I was a freak and couldnt get out of the office quick enough.

Even my GP said to me"dont you mind having a PD. That implies there is something odd and strange about you". Thanks doc!

So no I dont tell anyone anything for fear of alienation and rejection

[doesnotknowwhattodo]

I don't usually tell people. I find they're less than supportive. Today though, I opened up to a group of my friends who I know will stick around. I've known them for 3 years now, and they've been great. Only one reacted negatively, and took to babying me for a few hours afterwards until my other friend blew up at her. She now realises I'm the same person I was before they knew. So all in all, I think you've got to be absolutely sure on who you trust

[palemoss]

no...never

[ECHOES]

No because it isn't something that I have, it is a phrase to describe how I interact with others and myself. There isn't anything for anyont else to do about it; I am responsible for all of my behavior and if I do something that requires an apology and the other chooses to accept the apology, then I am fortunate.

Generally speaking, other's don't "get it". They don't understand what it is and often don't beleive in therapy either. So, it's me and my therapist, and I'm so thankful for her!

[shezbut]

I'd have to say that I agree with Echoes.

I have mistakenly shared my diagnosis with a couple of people who don't understand. One went into denial. Another turned into "the doctor", supposedly (and wrongly) knowing it all. The other just confused ~ my explanation didn't help.

I now keep my BPD to my T, my psychiatrist, as well as other medical professionals involved in my care. ...Other than the people that come to Psych Central , of course!

[Flooded]

I tell people on a need to know basis only. Like if they are going to spend any amount of time with me they'll work out I'm a cranky mole soon enough.
My pdoc and gp are fabulously awesome to me. Both VERY supportive.
My hubby knows and if he didn't there would be something seriously wrong in our relationship!
My son's teacher knows.
Two women I recently met when my son started school know also. They were open with their issues so I gave them a factsheet on BPD and then ran like hell They don't treat me any different than before which either means they didn't read the factsheet or they just accept me for me.

[nicoleb2]

I don't tell anyone. It was actually thhe psychiatrist at the hospital tthat told my family. People don't understand, treat you like crap and think you are crazy

[Tourniquet]

Yes isn't it funny how people's reactions fall into one of several categories:

a) Freak out and run.
b) Start playing the concerned doctor who actually doesn't have a clue.
c) Look down their nose at you, judge you, and act like you're making it up for attention.
d) Accept it, support you, and carry on treating you like they always did.

I find the majority of people react by freaking out. People are afraid of what they don't understand. I made the mistake of sharing it with people I thought were friends and as a result, I am now basically friendless. I know better now and won't be telling anyone else unless they NEED to know.

I wonder if anyone else can relate to my situation...I have both bipolar disorder and BPD, and I am generally quite open with the Bipolar. However, I'm more quiet about the BPD unless I know someone well. Bipolar is more well-known and accepted in society, while BPD has a bad stigma. I've had people treat me different after they learned I had BPD - including doctors! So now I only tell people if I feel I'm comfortable enough with them to share that information.

[Flooded]

melissa, I tried to make an appt to see a private psychiatrist only for her receptionist to slam down the phone when I told her it was for BPD. Apparently the doctor didn't "take on" such people

[Tourniquet]

Originally Posted by Flooded

melissa, I tried to make an appt to see a private psychiatrist only for her receptionist to slam down the phone when I told her it was for BPD. Apparently the doctor didn't "take on" such people

Can anyone say, "Discrimination" ?!

Interesting though, when I told my GP I was absolutely sure I have BPD and that my therapist absolutely agrees, he literally gasped and said, "Be very very careful labelling yourself with BPD, you will find many medical professionals will refuse to treat you if they find that out about you. It has a very bad stigma and many psychologists and GP's will turn you away because of this."

How very sad that the very people who are supposed to help you are the very ones who turn you away.

[Flooded]

Discrimination is everywhere and it's incredibly sad.

BPD seems to be the worst of the worst mental illness the way some people look at it.

[rebnsof]

yup, i tell, just as i don't hide my scars anymore. i've made lots of efforts in these past years to hide my problems, i just realise it doesn't work for me anymore.
when people ask me what's wrong with my arm i always say "oh, i've had this for years" and if it looks like they're asking it just to hurt me, i say "how can you been asking that like that, you barely know me, it's my life". People sometimes ask that to HURT. if i know they are just worried, i simply tell them i have a problem and if they want to know i explain. i just feel like i don't need to hide it anymore, it's me, people who love me will love me still even if i have this problem. that's how it works for me, and i feel released.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by Flooded

... which either means they didn't read the factsheet or they just accept me for me.

LOL if that's okay. They must genuinely like you, and that's great!

[ECHOES]

melissa, I tried to make an appt to see a private psychiatrist only for her receptionist to slam down the phone when I told her it was for BPD.

I'm sorry this happened, yet it was sure good to know before getting mixed up with such an unkind person!

[jwadkins0415]

I hide mine. I find one person in the office I know can keep a secret, just in case I have to be put in the hospital or I have an appt. Otherwise I keep it to myself and have to listen to all the other people talk about how crazy people are with BPD or Bipolar. I have both and it gets extremely hard to listen to the people I have to work with degrade others who are sick. I would rather not tell my secret because of the fact I don't wanted to be looked at as crazy. It adds a little mystique to my personality as well. I know I am not like ordinary people and I have quirks but if they knew why I'm afraid I will be a joke. I really wish the world wasn't so judgmental about uncontrollable illnesses but I can't make them understand. People have used Bipolar and BPD as an excuse to hurt others and that is all the world gets to see, the bad side to mental illness although there are some of us who really have issues and try to make the world a better place.

[capecod]

Hide it!! My husband knows and is supportive, my sister knows because she also has it. When I told my mom she thought it was her fault. When I got up the courage to tell a so called friend she completely ignored the conversation so now I hide it which has resulted in me pushing friends away because they don't get why I won't call them back on my bad days or why I say I'll go with them or do something and something happens so I don't show up. They don't know how to deal with that.

Generally no, I don't tell. BPD is kind of a pariah among personality disorders. As has been documented, there are even professionals who look down on it and won't treat it. I'm glad my T isn't like that. He doesn't even want to put the label on me, in fact. I was "diagnosed" a few months ago during an emergency psych eval by a therapist who doesn't know me from a can of paint. My own T who has been treating me for three years says personality disorder, yes, but it doesn't matter whether it's borderline, dependent, avoidant, whatever, so he has me down as PD-NOS. The main thing is, "Here are the symptoms, and this is what we do to manage them." He says, "What difference does it make what we call it?" And I am tending to agree, since people do react to labels.

If people must know, I say I am treated for "depression and PTSD," which satisfies their curiosity. Anyone who knows me even moderately well is aware that I have a background full of horrific abuse, and the PTSD is perfectly understandable. Many people are also aware that depression is not just "the blues" or "a negative outlook on life" but a chemical imbalance requiring medical treatment. I get support with those diagnoses, so the borderline label can jolly well get lost in the shuffle for all I care.

That's out in real life. On this forum, I am glad to interact with other borderlines.