[HelloClarice]

I have to get a SERIOUS handle on my lack of impulse control. My coping skills are virtually non existent...I used to self medicate, like so many of us borderlines do, now I'm off drugs and I feel like things are worse than ever. If I'm in pain I'll do anything I can to avoid dealing with it, if I feel numb and empty I'll do whatever I can to make myself feel alive. If something makes me anxious or fearful - forget it! I can't hold down a job because of the fear of failure, or the fear of being disliked by my coworkers, or any other number of stupid things that will make me wake up one morning and resign. I've engaged in most of the "reckless behavior" the BPD books talk about - binge eating, overspending, risky sexual activity and so on. I've been caring for my grandmother the last three years, her suffering from Alzheimer's recently ended (maybe 3 weeks ago?) and the night she died, because I had a hard time dealing with the loss I went out and got my stupid ***** arrested for shoplifting. I can't take it any more, I hate myself for all of my stupidity. I've been "fantasizing" a lot these days about leaving for a pack of smokes and never coming back, starting over somewhere, cutting all ties and I know how wrong those thoughts are. Has anyone been through something similar, or do any of you know someone with the same problem? Would CBT or DBT help? Are there medications that could help stabilize me while I learn how to stop being a parasitic loser and start wearing my big girl panties?

TIA

[Flooded]

DBT may help. Do you have a therapist?

[MDDBPDPTSD]

There are medications that are known to help with impulse control. My psych doc tried several with me until he found one that worked. I am blessed with a patient understnading psych doc. I know they are hard to find.
Yes, I do think that DBT would be beneficial. DBT is very hard though and it takes a while to see results from it. You have to be really committed to it. It is worth the commitment though. DBT gave me the tools to deal with some repeat troubling situations in my life.

It does require tons of practice and consistent dedication. I don't know about you, but for me with BPD, being consistent is extremely difficulty. Some days you know you can do it and want it more than anything. These days it is easy to practice the skills taught by DBT Other days, you know that you are going to fail no matter what, so why bother? Besides the emotions are so intense, you can barely think straight. Those are the days it is VERY hard to practice DBT. DBT does offer helpful ideas on how to deal with these tough days as well.

I do reccommend DBT, as it can help clarify thinking, improve self- care and self acceptance and improve relationships.
I would also recommend you talk openly with your psych doc about an impluse control med.

I wish you the best in your struggle.

Still struggling too,
MDDBPDPTSD

[ECHOES]

Psychodynamic psychotherapy has helped me with many of the things you mention.

http://www.apa.org/news/press/releas...c-therapy.aspx

http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/P...hotherapy.html

[palemoss]

i would really stop and think hard about abandoning everything and starting anew. i know it's an impulse, a very borderline one too but really think about it bc are very well erasing things that cannot be retrieved. trust me ive been abandoning things for many years and i wish i could go back and just fix it instead of just erasing it all togehter.

I really do understand these feelings. I felt them for years and I still have them inch in and nibble at the edges of my brain every once in a while. I know that for years I used to contemplate, think about and meticulously plan my escape. At one point, I even had a knapsack packed with what I thought were the basic essentials to "just disappear" , to drop off the grid and hide away from everything. The weird thing is that I had and still have a good paying job, excellent credentials, a loving family and good friends and I still thought about dropping out and disappearing. I've finally recognized that changing my location wasn't going to do a darn thing for me because I was running from me! Wherever I went I would be taking me and my load of problems along with me and when I settles, they'd be there, ready to recreate all the problems I had in my last location. I decided to stick around and work on me It hasn't been easy but things have certainly gotten better. I hope you get the help and peace you need and want!

[HelloClarice]

Originally Posted by Flooded

DBT may help. Do you have a therapist?

i don't. i'm a parasite with no job who lives with parents that are sick of my BS and are currently enforcing their (much deserved) right to practice tough love. my arrest was the last straw for them. that sounds more cynical than intended - i'm petrified and ashamed at how low-functioning i've become. i'm trying to find a job and a therapist willing to work with me on fees, but my court date is soon and i have to worry about legal fees. in the meantime i bought a DBT workbook and diary.

yikes. sorry for rabbiting on.

[HelloClarice]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Psychodynamic psychotherapy has helped me with many of the things you mention.

http://www.apa.org/news/press/releas...c-therapy.aspx

http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/P...hotherapy.html

thank you! very interesting.