[Korana]

I've been in a committed relationship for a year and a half. Overall, it's been pretty good.

Some bigger things have happened. Like he, for instance, got drunk and high one night about 5 months into the relationship and got into a strange incident. He tried to pull a girls trousers off. I guess that means he sort of attacked her. He rolled them onto the floor and tried to pull her trousers off. In front of her boyfriend, who is his best friend. I was preparing to take a working stint abroad so I was an hour away that night. It was devastating. I wailed like I haven't done in a while. Don't get me wrong, usually he's a very soft and caring people. He's always bee harmless before that. Kind, relaxed, solid and stable. I don't know what happened...
About 8 months before that night I had been in a relationship with my first love. he cheated on me, broke my heart and left me with a new and very effective scar that has yet to fade away. So My current boyfriend added a splinter to an already gaping hole. I still hold the grudge.

The relationship got back on track eventually though. I didn't want to lose him. I can't stand losing people. I find it impossible to let them go. Life moved on.
but the last 6 months, I've been angry. I've been snapping and finding issues with everything and generally being horrible. He doesn't understand. And it took me a long time to realise it was the BPD rearing it's ugly head.
Then recently, he's been worried about his Uni results, but he didn't tell me. So he was withdrawn and quiet, very unresponsive. I thought, "Omg, he knows I'm a monster, he doesn't love me anymore." and it's been a freakfest trying to please him since.
He doesn't communicate with me much about relationship things like feelings, so I didn't know what to think. But a less emotional person would have handled it better.
It'll probably happen again. I feel powerless to stop it..

is anyone with BPD in a successful relationship?
I need some insight and some advice on how to keep this going.
Because I do indeed love him. He's a wonderful person and I want to spend as much of my life as possible with him...

[Direction]

I'm not currently in a relationship, and I guess it depends on your perspective if past ones were successful...anyway, I've spent a lot of time preparing myself for that next one...

What you describe in your post sounded reasonable for reactions to his best friend's girl and to the recent perception of being withdrawn. To really make it work there will need to be good boundaries and assertive communications about each others feelings and thoughts. So both of you will need to work on those skills...if he doesn't want to that may be an indication of the value he places on these kinds of things. You can certainly work on this from your side...just don't put all the pressure on you because you suffer from bpd...ok?

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by Direction

I'm not currently in a relationship, and I guess it depends on your perspective if past ones were successful...anyway, I've spent a lot of time preparing myself for that next one...

What you describe in your post sounded reasonable for reactions to his best friend's girl and to the recent perception of being withdrawn. To really make it work there will need to be good boundaries and assertive communications about each others feelings and thoughts. So both of you will need to work on those skills...if he doesn't want to that may be an indication of the value he places on these kinds of things. You can certainly work on this from your side...just don't put all the pressure on you because you suffer from bpd...ok?

I agree with Direction.

I've been married for 13 years. It works for us because we love and respect each other and I cannot stress enough how important communication is.

[mfgmike]

I recently pushed away a woman I love because of this. Enough is enough.