[mynameisjonas]

I have a friend who has borderline personality disorder, but he is currently unaware that he has any problem at all. Although he had been prone to fits of rage and had difficulty establishing relationships, he managed to get by fairly well in most areas of his life.

Recently, he experienced a bad episode with a woman he was interested in and he has begun to rapidly deteriorate. Even though he was always a bit rough to get along with and had difficulty controlling some of his impulses, he seems to be reaching new extremes. He has begun spending money he doesn't have, making large purchases to get things he doesn't need. He's also been having more severe fits of rage and he seems determined to push everyone he knows away. He already forced one friend to cut ties with him, and I know his other friends are seriously considering doing the same. My friend needs some immediate help before he falls too deeply into his disorder to be able to manage his life.

The problem is my friend doesn't know he has a personality disorder, and I know it's not appropriate to tell him, but I can't think of any other way. If I don't tell him, he'll just think everyone else is being irrational and that all his actions are completely justified.

He needs to begin understanding that his view of reality and his actions are being impacted by something that is currently beyond his control.

Does anyone have any advice for helping a person who is unaware that they have a personality disorder?

Welcome, mynameisjonas. It's great that you're such a supportive and caring friend. I think it's great that you're looking for a way to help a friend in need, but I am a bit concerned that you've "diagnosed" your friend as having BPD. It's obvious from your description that your friend is experiencing significant life problems, but the symptoms can be from many things other than a personality disorder and the only person who can diagnose mental illness is a psychiatrist and/or PhD clinical psychologist. Please excuse me from making the assumption that you made this diagnosis if he has actually been to a psychiatrist who has given him the BPD diagnosis.

I think the way you can best support and gently guide your friend is having a conversation with him about how he sees his life going. Chances are he's aware on some level that things are beginning to unravel. Even if he harbors feelings that his current difficulties are everyone else's fault (ie. his ex girlfriend's perceived betrayal or his friend's abandoning him), he's bound to talk to you about how all of this has affected him negatively if you support and present yourself as interested and concerned about how much pain he seems to be in. He might even be open to seeking professional help to unravel and cope with these losses. The important thing is for you to listen and support, and then gently guide him toward seeking out help. If you've been in therapy, you can mention how helpful you found that experience to be. I've used that many times when assisting friends to seek out help. Nothing like a good friend admitting that they needed help and sought out theray to make the experience less mysterious or shameful for the other person. Good luck and I hope your friend recognizes and benefits from your compassionate approach to his difficulties!