[Flooded]

Anyone tried it? Doing it?

I think I need it but I'm not really sure how or where to start

[Inedible]

It looks interesting, but I can't really imagine how it would work in practice.

Originally Posted by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparenting

Reparenting is a therapy rooted in Transactional Analysis, which was designed to re-orient into healthier thoughts and behaviors, psychological issues that were believed to have first originated in childhood through neglect, trauma, abuse, abandonment. Some of its practitioners felt they had improved or effected cures of various forms of schizophrenia with or without the use of psychotropic medication. Reparenting involved psychological regression to the age(s) at which the abuses occurred, and then, either reliving and releasing the specific traumas that occurred back then, and receiving normal parenting about thoughts and feelings. The therapist held the role of clinician as well as "healthy parent" figure. The goal was to relieve the circular suffering that often goes on in the minds of persons harmed when young, to teach thinking skills, control of certain negative behaviors. This healthier worldview was thought by some, like Jacqui Schiff, an early proponent of reparenting therapy, to have helped to alter the biochemical and neurological patterns which once produced destructive thoughts and behaviors.

[Flooded]

I wonder too.

Not really sure if I want to relive the crap.

[shezbut]

I hadn't heard of that until now.

It's an interesting thought, particularly if one's still relatively young. 40 years old, that's a long ways back ~ I'd rather not live through all of the events again!

[unaluna]

I will ask on Monday, but I would say reparenting is what occurred with my appt time change saga? The original trauma being - well, more like CPTSD - growing up I learned never to ask for anything, it was only going to lead to trouble. But in T, I finally learned to ask for a glass of water. Hmm, not sure how it really all happened. I'll have to ask!

[Inedible]

It doesn't look like reliving traumas, exactly, so much as going back before them and moving forward again in your mind in a different and healthier direction. What I don't get is how a person is supposed to be convinced that the new history is true.

[unaluna]

For what it's worth: when I was living with my mother 6 years ago, I got stung by a bee at the beauty shop I was working at. The previous time I was stung (by a wasp) I had to get cortisone, so no small thing. So anyway that evening I was lying on the couch in a lot of pain, and while my mom was up anyway (i think!) I asked her to get me a cold can of soda, which felt good on the swollen sting. It was SO UNUSUAL, her waiting on me, that I started to laugh nervously. She got mad and accused me of tricking her. I think YOU guys know me well enough by now to know that I wouldn't do something like that! Why on earth? At that point I just kind of blank out and try not to do anything else that will make her yell at me. I just sit really really still and put a calm look on my face, like nothing is wrong.

So - how does T reparent? By offering me coffee or water, then I "do the work" by saying stuff like, I want a different glass, not the same glass the previous client used - I even accused him of not washing it with soap! He will apologize for bringing a smaller glass and tell me he will bring me more if I want it during the session, no problem - all these interactions (and more), over time, replace the bad expectations I had when I asked for something (in my family), with a good expectation pathway.

So it's not that T tries to convince me that mom was nice about the bee-sting soda, but he teaches me that other people are willing to bring me a soda if I ask nice. It doesn't HAVE to be just me always getting the soda for someone else, which I've always done, but never expected one back in return. In DBT class, I remember writing in one of the exercises that the word DESERVE was not even in my vocabulary.

I know this sounds really trivial. It's not rocket science - I can DO rocket science, I had a year of engineering physics. It's human interaction that has me stumped.

[Flooded]

. It's human interaction that has me stumped

Oh a-freaking-men hanky! I don't "get it" at all either. All I see around me is clingy, needy idiots and I hate that I see people this way I also hate that I find it really difficult to admit or ask if need I something.

[unaluna]

What I see around me is, "I was never cute enough to get away with acting like THAT!" The time I ran into T at his coffeeshop right before my session, I told him to go on up, because I know how slow I am, putting 2 diet sugars in, and cinnamon, and nutmeg, and chocolate, and then stirring, and then the lid...! My mother would have been SCREAMING at me to HURRY UP! I swear I heard her. I swear HE was was wanting to scream it. But he just stood there, "like a dummy", my mother would say. Like a gentleman, I should say now. I am sorry to sound so neg about her to you. T lost his mom when he was six to cancer. I know I gave him the worst job of his life, to say my mom was worse than his having no mom, we talked about it on our initial phone interview.

So have you looked at the source of this for you? You had to be so strong at such a young age, running the household at 15. I did the laundry (incl ironing) in the summer at age 10, and always helped rinse and hang (we had the wringer washer until I went to college). Had my own alarm clock, made my own lunch as soon as I was "old enough". No needs allowed. I don't even know what you're talking about, except I guess people find me "too needy"! WTH!

Many years ago, I had a therapist who practiced Transactional Analysis. He recommended that I reparent myself to help heal my damaged inner child. At first, it seemed logical but I was always frustrated when I tried to do it. How would I ever know how to parent myself if I'd never been taught? All I knew how to do was to repeat what my parents had done (or not done) to me as a child. I did not understand parenting at all and discovered I was an unsuitable parent for myself. So, needless to say, my opinion on reparenting yourself is that the concept may be nice but in actuality it is pure baloney! It's better to find a mentor or T who knows what they are doing.

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by unhappyguy

Many years ago, I had a therapist who practiced Transactional Analysis. He recommended that I reparent myself to help heal my damaged inner child. At first, it seemed logical but I was always frustrated when I tried to do it. How would I ever know how to parent myself if I'd never been taught? All I knew how to do was to repeat what my parents had done (or not done) to me as a child. I did not understand parenting at all and discovered I was an unsuitable parent for myself. So, needless to say, my opinion on reparenting yourself is that the concept may be nice but in actuality it is pure baloney! It's better to find a mentor or T who knows what they are doing.

Thanks and I think I'm an unfit parent for myself too. And my kids for that matter.

I might bring it up with my tdoc after a Xanax

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Flooded

Anyone tried it? Doing it?

I think I need it but I'm not really sure how or where to start

I don't have any formal therapy going on (insurance issues, etc.) but I have formulated a self-help "program", which consists of:

1) validating and understanding my inner child---i.e. her feelings, her reasons for all the carry-over behavior into adulthood.

2) emotional regulation and interpersonal skills (I adopted many ideas from DBT, CBT, Emotions Anonymous, etc.

3) recovery from certain "maladaptive behaviors"/addiction, again, adopted ideas from Smart Recovery and 12 step programs.

I sit every morning and study these three issues from books (12 step, Smart, abuse-issues books, etc. And I also of course go online and do research. Then in the afternoons, I try to practice what I learned that day.

It is hard for me to relive childhood stuff, but I am used to it, and it's even fun sometimes.

Also, re-learning emotional/interpersonal regulation is exciting.

And I am still looking for the right therapist. Dr. referred me to one and I am not sure I can talk to him about certain things, like s*x.

Billi