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Dec 10, 2011 at 02:11 PM
#1
....all my clocks are in superb synchronicity....
there is the watch...and the clock itself..then the time on the phone...and my mobile phone...and even my computer...my playstation is watching the time to.....my microwave...my car clock... SEEMS there is so much time right? but nup mate...there is less and less the more I see it in my face! my emotions don't run on a clock...no minutes ....just seconds of guesses...and hours of backflips... tick...tick take! no thanks.. I need TIME to myself....nuthin' has to remind me it's tickin' off! it took very little of my real time to write this... I don't hear tick tick... I hear Take take... the funny old world...people say .."if I just had the time" the damn time is everywhere! I need more time than there is... but thats ok |
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Dec 10, 2011 at 02:28 PM
#2
....and understand,
my meltdown could make me homeless within 3 days.. my translucent identity will maybe be punished with dark colours... again! amazing...in the meantime I must do the simple things...like wash things...eat some eggs...vacuum a floor that may no longer be mine... but thats how it is sometimes hopefully I can. be charming enough....and the people are nice.... if they take my bed...then some heades might wiggle in slow motion... maybe it's nuthin' I have been borderline for over twenty years and each time I panic... well I panic.. I didn't know for the first 16 years...floating ...with bandaids.. each time I have an episode I panic... no-one can take me away.. haha it's true...I tried to make then do it over and over. but the truth is I am very gentle.... despite my anger and violence.... I direct it at me bpd is not .. harmfull...not 'full' of harm there is a bit harm though but it's ok it has to be |
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