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#1
Jan 03, 2012, 10:38 AM
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You know, theres a lot going on this time of year... And even more in my brain. Im taking my meds right, and im functional at all moments. But, I cant help but think, and almost know, that I am about worthless. Yes I take care of my kid, and am a crazy cleaner (perfection is a problem). But, my bf walks to work (we dont have the money to fix our car) in the freezing cold, while im at home all the time. Id like to work, but when we talk about it, its not really an option for right now. so theres where tge lack of self worth comes into play. Im not doing enough, and I have so many health issues that keep showing up...
 I feel like my bf deserves better. He doesnt know how my mood will be when he comes home... And he also doesnt know if I will be in pain,or, at worst, have been balling all day, bags packed, letter written, ready to leave him to better things. Im sick of thinking im a worthless pos basically. I cry so much because I have nobody to talk to, so I just dwell on my issues until they explode. I know I sound dumb, and I get that, but idk how to stop it. Im going in for a med chevk next week. Also, everytime I fight with him, he says I blame my mental illnresses too much. But, im just trying to make the point that I cant get over them without his support. He never gives it, because he doesnt get it. He thinks, shes yelling, I will too. How do I get him to realize it doesnt help?? How do I change BY MYSELF? I want to get better, I want self esteem, and I want to accept, just dont think I can alone... |
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#2
Jan 03, 2012, 04:01 PM
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I'm sorry to read that you're in such a difficult spot. You don't sound dumb! You do sound frustrated, which is ok! It's GREAT that you're going in for a med check!!
Having his support is important, but make sure you getting better isn't dependent on his support. You have to do it for yourself. Also, when you yell at someone the natural reaction is going to be to yell back. Having bpd or any other mental illness is not a free pass to yell and get away with it.. Hang in there! |
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#3
Jan 03, 2012, 04:03 PM
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Quote:
no way nothing about all that is anything close to dumb...quite the opposite! 
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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