[grantsaunt]

From stuff I've read I think my friend has higher functioning BPD. He doesn't talk a lot about his past, and has dual citizenship in Italy and U.S. and I'm not sure how he is over there, so I don't know if his behavior is just around me and his family or what. I didn't like him when I first met him, I thought he was a good-looking charmer, very shallow and spoiled, no direction in life (he was 19). Since then he's grown on me and seems more mature. He came back from Italy last June and decided to join the U.S. army (He's now 22). He spent most of the summer just waiting to leave (Sept) and sitting in his house. He quit watching TV or going on the computer, disabled his Facebook, mostly just laid in his bed and stared at the walls unless someone would drag him out (usually me). His previous friends in the U.S. were drug users and he said he wanted to stay away from that so there he sat all summer. I thought he was really depressed, but he would get these rapid mood swings at times, too fast of up and downs to be bipolar I thought. The night before he left for the army he was psychotic, frantic to leave because he thought someone was coming to kill him (didn't know who). He finally calmed down and seemed ok when he left the next day. He seemed to do fine at basic, but came home at Christmas after grad, and had really swinging moods, angry, punched walls, spending like crazy, impulsive, talking nonsense, couldn't make a decision for anything, dissociation prob half the time to varying degrees. He was so out of it sometimes he would forget he was in the army, yet could talk on the phone to his mom in Italy and sound totally normal. When we asked about his feelings/behaviors, he looked at us like we were crazy and was like "I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about." We took him to his new assignment today and once he saw the other "new guys" he calmed down, smiling, making sense, answering us instead of staring into space with a confused look like he did the past few weeks. Is it possible he has it and is able to just push it away like that? The way he was acting on leave, I can't imagine him lasting an hour in basic! And how can we help him if he denies anything odd going on? His parents are at the end of their rope mentally, they know nothing about mental health, although I've tried to explain that he's sick. They do know something's wrong with him and I think they will do whatever it takes, they just want him to be happy. What can we do, and how do we treat him when we see him again, provided he "acts normal" in the army (like today) and stays in?

Originally Posted by grantsaunt

From stuff I've read I think my friend has higher functioning BPD. He doesn't talk a lot about his past, and has dual citizenship in Italy and U.S. and I'm not sure how he is over there, so I don't know if his behavior is just around me and his family or what. I didn't like him when I first met him, I thought he was a good-looking charmer, very shallow and spoiled, no direction in life (he was 19). Since then he's grown on me and seems more mature. He came back from Italy last June and decided to join the U.S. army (He's now 22). He spent most of the summer just waiting to leave (Sept) and sitting in his house. He quit watching TV or going on the computer, disabled his Facebook, mostly just laid in his bed and stared at the walls unless someone would drag him out (usually me). His previous friends in the U.S. were drug users and he said he wanted to stay away from that so there he sat all summer. I thought he was really depressed, but he would get these rapid mood swings at times, too fast of up and downs to be bipolar I thought. The night before he left for the army he was psychotic, frantic to leave because he thought someone was coming to kill him (didn't know who). He finally calmed down and seemed ok when he left the next day. He seemed to do fine at basic, but came home at Christmas after grad, and had really swinging moods, angry, punched walls, spending like crazy, impulsive, talking nonsense, couldn't make a decision for anything, dissociation prob half the time to varying degrees. He was so out of it sometimes he would forget he was in the army, yet could talk on the phone to his mom in Italy and sound totally normal. When we asked about his feelings/behaviors, he looked at us like we were crazy and was like "I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about." We took him to his new assignment today and once he saw the other "new guys" he calmed down, smiling, making sense, answering us instead of staring into space with a confused look like he did the past few weeks. Is it possible he has it and is able to just push it away like that? The way he was acting on leave, I can't imagine him lasting an hour in basic! And how can we help him if he denies anything odd going on? His parents are at the end of their rope mentally, they know nothing about mental health, although I've tried to explain that he's sick. They do know something's wrong with him and I think they will do whatever it takes, they just want him to be happy. What can we do, and how do we treat him when we see him again, provided he "acts normal" in the army (like today) and stays in?

I certainly am no expert, and these posts are often difficult to adequately respond to...but my thoughts after reading that?
I don't know what your understanding of bpd is?...but I wonder that attaching the condition to his behaviour right away is very helpful..not unless your friend can be sufficiently evaluated by someone in psychiatry.
There appears to be some deeper matters your friend has decided to keep to himself perhaps and this would explain not dis-closing anything and denial that there is a potential problem...and your friend is prepared to suffer through isolation and mood swings to accomodate this.
The army and your friends mates seem to be a sufficient enough distraction to level him out...possibly because it's a superficial activity for him...no serious emotional investments.
My thought is your friend really doesn't want to share something affecting him very personally. (this can easily develop into paranoia depending what it is), is not at peace with himself...and has a pre-disposition for poor mental health under stress from what you have described....but as far as bpd and 'pushing things away'..with such success? I don't know?..
like I said I question that it's helpful for the moment to find something to fit his behaviour...not without more comprehensive evaluation.
(somehow he got through the army psych yeh?)
I suppose everyones somewhat afraid to pursue it with him?
Whatever is going on for real?...he is extremely insecure about it...young bloke..having issues!...I just read through your words one more time and thats what stands out to me...he's very insecure about it...all of it! Probably more going on inside him than he can handle and he's doing his best. Be gentle with him and do your best to get him some help...soon.
anyhow...I don't know if I helped...not an expert.

[grantsaunt]

thanks dubblemonkey... just reading about bpd and thinking about some other specific behaviors he's had that would've made my post a novel made me wonder... i was misdiagnosed with bipolar for 5 years and now am being treated for depression and anxiety and feel great but i really believe he has some issues and want to help him. but of course with my history i don't want to think it's the wrong thing so trying to get some perspective here. he totally denies there's anything wrong with him (even as he appears to be dissociating) so it will be hard to get him professional help but want to be supportive and have boundaries at the same time. one thing i didn't mention that made bpd pop out is that i do know he's had some pretty dysfunctional relationships in the past while in Italy. Also he's never had a black and white love you/hate you relationship with me but he does that to his parents. Anyways, I hate to "label" someone wrongly but feel if we know what we're dealing with it's easier to support him in the best way for him. And yes he did pass the army psych test but that was what made me wonder if it's possible (I have an uncle recently dx with bpd and he was career military) to do so. Thanks a lot for your help!

[cboxpalace]

It sounds as if he has some sort of issues, but nothing is screaming at me bpd.

[grantsaunt]

thanks cboxplace! appreciate your input