forever good!....forever bad!

...something I still struggle with, because I am so childlike sensitive and excitable and I know it's true. My mind has hardly any, probably no connection with my heart at all.

...the cause of so much wild dis-appointment!

when things are good, I am so entranced to the point of sublime and beyond...that I am convinced this is the way things are now forever!

....and

when things are bad I am so catastrophically miserable to the point of breakdown and beyond...that I am convinced this is the way things are now forever!

It's real hard to be a stable person with this goin' on alot and all the time heaps often.

I don't have the ability to 'think' about my feelings....
I just 'feel' my feelings
and in between I don't have a clue?

the only real difference I can tell between the effects of these extremes is that because I expect the bad things more than the good...then my good moments are interrupted suddenly by expectations of the bad moments. Unlike when things are bad I don't think "oh crap!...geez I'm worried things might go really good soon".

so I am my own 'party pooper' (thanks bpd)

the bad times last longer this way but the good times still happen because I do try really really hard to have them. I just worry pretty quick they are going to end and thats what usually makes them end.

anyway...not really with it today...but thats ok..

But, J ... You are aware of this habit of your mind ... which means you are thinking about your feelings. And your higher, wiser self is aware that thinking this way is not based on reality, is not the way life goes. So, then, thinking this way - all black, all white - is a habit. And you, J, have broken habits before, harder ones to break, so I bet you could start training your mind to think a little differently here, too ... that life is neither all-black nor al-white, that its is in between, that it all comes as waves, up and down over and over and over again.


But you're thinking about them right now ... so this statement just sin't true. You do have the ability to think about your feelings, J. You were indeed doing just that as you typed this ...

Present moment, J, present moment. Tune in to the simplest sensations in that body, take one breath and watch it. One moment at a time ... that's all life ever really is anyway, right? Neither good nor bad, just this.

If I could have hugged you today, I would have.

....I read what you wrote here A..(summer), before I went to sleep last night..and I had this dream sometime early this morning...

you were telling me that my heart was white and how my mind was dark and black...and that to open my eyes a bit more and see that the world is alive with colours!

pretty cool huh?

That is a very cool dream. You need to find a way to remember that for when you have those dark days.
Heck, I'm going to try to remember it for my dark days!

I like your idea that we our own 'party poopers'. Sad but ... true.

I can relate to what you wrote so much. I think we are awfully courageous and strong, to have to deal with this ever changing reality. Those who don't have to deal with this must have (wonderfully) dull lives

Yup...that's me in a nut shell. Ha ha NUT!!! LOL

aint it awkward 'Forgive" ?..bein' a NUT! even with all the practice I get it's still tricky.

I have to get used to you lovely people from the US of A...with your yups!!
yip, yap and yop are no good...
All that is left is the Aussie yep!...but either way is good yup.

Yep...LOL hahahahahahhaahhaha!