[Lost&confused89]

My son is running around, happy, sick, but happy, and ready to play. yes weve been playing, but im still BORED. LONELY. ALONE. I love my child, but he doesnt fill this void, this longing for attention. My bf sleeps all the time, and when hes not hes on the xbox or guitar, and im still taking care of our son. And even if I wasnt, id still be alone. Im sick of it, but have NO friends, rightfully so. i push them away in fear that theyll see my flaws and run, fast, far. :'( I just want companionship! Guess its too much to ask for!

[become_UNmasked]

OMG i feel the EXACT same way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you could be writting my journal!!!

[B1_NRecovery]

Originally Posted by Lost&confused89

My son is running around, happy, sick, but happy, and ready to play. yes weve been playing, but im still BORED. LONELY. ALONE. I love my child, but he doesnt fill this void, this longing for attention. My bf sleeps all the time, and when hes not hes on the xbox or guitar, and im still taking care of our son. And even if I wasnt, id still be alone. Im sick of it, but have NO friends, rightfully so. i push them away in fear that theyll see my flaws and run, fast, far. :'( I just want companionship! Guess its too much to ask for!

Hey Lost,

I have also experienced that craving, sometimes it seems like it is never-ending, for attention, nurture, care and love. It makes sense those of us with BPD experience that b/c we lost out on those things when they mattered most--early childhood and infancy. Think about your son--when he was an infant and early toddler, he needed you all the time. And just holding him brought joy both to you and him. For those of us with BPD, we did not get that in some way during our very first years of life. Now, we live to fill that void from the past and it aches in our hearts every day.

I still have those days of aching for attention. Sometimes I picture my 2 year old self and what would make her happy--coloring, watching a cartoon, just taking a walk and looking at nature. No one can fill my void, but I can affirm and validate that longing I had. Even the most attention from my friends, family, or romantic partners will never be enough to fill that long ago void. Now the job is up to me to care for myself, ask for help when I need it, and take charge of my recovery.

If you can afford individual or group therapy (DBT), i highly recommend it. If not, look for a 12 Step fellowship in your area. Those meetings can help us see how to work on ourselves while also building friendships.

Be well,
B1

[ALissa3]

I am "graduating" my four month DBT therapy iop program today. I would recommend it as well as it's helped me immensely so far. Problem is-at least in my area-there are not many therapists that practice this. There are workbooks you can get on it (Marsha Linehan is the founder), but if you go that route I'd recommend your therapist helping you through. It has also helped with my relationship with my boyfriend by teaching me the skills to talk to him about my feelings.

Wishing you well,
Melissa

[BorderlineBrittany]

Wow i agree.. Writing my journal.. except i dont have a bf.. I wish someone would understand whats going on in my head.. i wish i had someone to talk to... to cuddle with... just be in their arms... i want to be a part of a love story..

[athena2011]

The void. The missing. That's what I call it.

Do you love your BF or are you just with him because you figured that's the best you could do? That's what I did. Then I married the guy. I ignored all the red flags. Imagine how horrible he must have been for me, a borderline with HUGE abandonment issues - to turf him out. Not easy. So yes, I was lonely with him, and I'm still lonely now...without him.

Perhaps it would be worth going to couples counselling?