[amaviena]

You stole my life. I didn't want it anyways. But you stole it and that's what matters.

He didn't matter. I'm glad you took him. If I stayed, he might have killed me. He always said he would break up with me if I got fat, you never said you'd give me herpes if he became interested in you behind my back.

I just want YOU. Every time I fall down this hole...all I can think about is how we used to talk.

You used to say we were friends until you won the game, then, you said we had never been friends and you were just using me to get somewhere...higher.

I hope you got there. I hope I get there one day too.

Starting now, I forgive you. Forever and always.

The hardest part was knowing it never mattered either way.

We attract the unwell.

(Just get over it, girl; we don't have time for this.)

So, I found someone I think cares. And all I can think about is how he's going to leave me or how I should leave him so he can have a normal life.

There aren't enough crisis lines to contain this wealth of emotion. That's what it is...a wealth. This disease? It isn't a disease. It's a gift. It let's you feel the whole world and, then, maybe one day, you can know yourself.

That would be nice.

I see my problems and emotions, one by one, as leaves falling off the gnarled oak that sits on the hill. They sway in the wind, back and forth, and land in the clear and swift moving brook below carrying all these things away.

And I am calm.

Time for another cigarette. Do you know what season it is, Girls?

This is Writin' Season.

Watch out, World. I'm coming for you. And you're going to be sorry you ever laid your hands on me.

(p.s. thank you all and thank whatever's watching out for me that didn't save my settings to not receive notifications and thank you to my own alarm clock that calls for help when I need it and thank you for letting me get away.)

It's not too late.

[amaviena]

Ani:

"It takes a stiff upper lip
just to hold up my face
I've got to suck it up and savor
the taste of my own behavior"